Death & Rebirth of the Blond Idiot
by Tachibana Azrael Chikoku
Summary: After a botched time jutsu attempted by Kyuubi, Naruto is forced to relive his Genin years. And he will expect changes both good and bad. On a reconstruction project.
1. Death and One Really Long Flashback

**Author Notes**: Basically this is my first fic so I hope you like it. The storyline is pretty much like this. The fight with Orochimaru leaves Naruto near death and Kyuubi proposes that both of them use a time jutsu to prevent Orochimaru and the Konoha/Oto War. However she botches it and well he's forced to relive his days as a Genin.

Legend

"…normal..."

"…_thoughts..."_

"…**Kyuubi talks**..."

"…_**Kyuubi thinks**…"_

**Bold letters denotes a jutsu**_  
_

Disclaimer: I just don't own Naruto. I be damned if I ever did.

* * *

**  
Chapter One: Death and One Really Long Flashback**

"_Heh. So this is death."_ thought Naruto. "_For once in my life I'm able to accept death because this time I've fulfilled my promise to everyone that I will kill Orochimaru.__"_

As he ponders on what has transpired he remembers what has happened in the past four years._  
_

Flashback

When Otogakure declared war on Konohagakure four years ago most people would assumed that Orochimaru and his forces would crumble shortly but nobody would've thought that it would last out for two years and even worse that it would be Orochimaru's forces that are on the winning side. They tried their best but unfortunately Konoha has fallen. We'll take you to that fateful day right before the inevitable, when everything went to hell for our number one somewhat hyperactive blond idiot.

Uzumaki Naruto, 20 year old Jonin/ANBU, is seen running towards Konoha alongside fellow ANBU members and remaining members of the Konoha 11 Yamanaka Ino and Kishi Tenten (ki means skill and shi means pride). As for the others, Kiba/Akamaru, Shino, and Neji tried their best to hold off the Sound nin while the aforementioned trio relay a message to Tsunade but they were killed soon after, Choji and Shikamaru were killed protecting Ino from an earlier assault from Sound a month and a half ago, Lee died alongside Gai when they both opened all eight gates to take out Kabuto and his forces a few days prior, Sakura was ambushed in an earlier mission and was killed on the battlefield while healing wounded soldiers, and Hinata…well that's a touchy subject for Naruto and will be covered in later chapters. Their Jonin senseis minus Gai were killed off a year ago when Orochi's forces overwhelmed them Anyways the trio were to relay a message that Orochimaru is closing in on Konoha and they need to evacuate the village immediately. However when they reached the village it was completely up in flames, and not only that the bodies of the Konoha citizens lies on the blood stain grounds of their once proud village.

"Oh my god." said both Tenten and Ino.

"Shit. We're too late." yelled Naruto.

Then they heard a blood curling scream coming from the Hokage Tower. Immediately they all thought "_Shit_." and ran full speed to the tower. When they reached there they saw the guards brutally slained.

"Damn. Obaachan, I just hope you're safe."

They ran straight to her office but once they entered they saw Tsunade's boy slumped on her desk with a katana struck through her chest.

"Tsunade-san!"/ "Tsunade-sama!"/ "Tsunade-obaachan!" the trio said as they rushed over to her body. Saying that they were speechless is an understatement. Ino and Tenten were sobbing while Naruto took out his anger by punching a nearby wall leaving a huge hole. At that moment a male Sound nin swooped in and swiftly took out Ino by stabbing her brutally in the chest with a familiar sword. "Ino!" He then proceeded to take out Tenten but she blocked with a hidden kodachi.

" Naruto-kun. Do you like what I have done?" said a familiar serpentine voice.

Naruto looks behind him and sees none other than the gay molesting Michael Jackson reject/snake bastard Orochimaru standing on a nearby building.

"Orochimaru. What the fuck have you done?"

"As you can see, I completed my plans to annilate this damned village. And look behind you."

He looks behind and sees the assailant stabbed Tenten in her gut. Tenten cries in pain before she falls to the ground. Seeing this triggers Naruto's kyuubi form and he proceeded to maul the assailant. He tried blocking but unfortunately the sheer force of Naruto broke through his defenses and was killed. Like an animal with his captured prey Naruto tore out his guts and hacked away of what's left of him. Naruto then jumps out the tower towards him.

"Orochimaru, you fucking bastard. You'll pay for all this." He lunges at him but …

**Katon: Goukakyuu no Jutsu**

A fireball is shot towards Naruto but he leaps aside. He stops and sees none other than Uchiha Sasuke.

"Orochimaru-sama. We must leave now."

"Alright then, until we meet again Naruto-kun. Ku ku ku ku ku." Orochimaru assimilates into the ground. Sasuke takes one look at Naruto before disappearing in a cloud of smoke.

Naruto looks around the village that was once his home.

"Damn you Orochimaru and Sasuke-teme." He looks at the destruction and bodies that lay around Konoha. "I'm sorry guys. I made a promise that I'll protect Konoha with my life even if I never become Hokage and from the looks of it this will be the first time I ever broke a promise." He takes a vow of silence. "Alright this will be my last promise to you guys. I promise that no matter what it takes I will kill them!"

Alright now we'll speed up two years to the fated battle between Naruto and Orochimaru. What happens between these years is just training and tracking down Orochi.

(AN: The fight between Naruto and Sasuke will be covered in later chapters so bear with me. I'm only a human with a limited sanity.)

Somewhere in Orochimaru's lair…

"Welcome Naruto-kun. I've been waiting for you."

"Cut that formality shit. I came here for your head."

"Aw. And I thought you love me."

"Shut up. I made a promise to my friends that I will kill you and I intend to do that right now! **Kage Bunshin no Jutsu."**

Naruto creates 10 clones and charged at Orochimaru. Orochi regurgitates the Kusanagi, grabs it, and attempts to dispel half the clones. Naruto creates more clones and half of them tries to restrain Orochimaru.

"Well Naruto, is this the best you got?"

"I'm just getting started. **Bushin Daibakuha."**

The clones that latched onto Orochimaru proceeded to explode. Orochimaru howls in pain. The other remaining clones plus the real Naruto threw shurikens at him and they proceeded to use **Shuriken Kage Bushin no Jutsu. **Pretty soon dozens of shurikens turned into thousands and they all pinned into Orochimaru. Naruto performed a few hand seals and performed **Katon: Karyuu Endan** which burnedOrochimaru to hell. However when the smoke cleared Orochimaru turned into hardened mud.

"Shit!" Orochimaru from behind attempted to stab Naruto but he dodges and jumps back while performed more hand seals for his new creation: the **Futon: Kazeryuudan** which launches a wind blast in the shape of a dragon at Orochimaru. Unfortunately before it could hit him he summoned a Rashomon gate to block the attack. As soon the gates blocks the attack Orochimaru attempted to attack Naruto by extending his neck at Naruto with another Kusanagi and stabs him but at the last minute Naruto used **Kawarimi no Jutsu** and replace himself with a chair.

"Damn. Where the hell are you?" He retracts his head and looks around for him.

**Kafuton: Tatsumaki Homura**

A tornado of flames surrounds Orochimaru to keep him in place. While he's surrounded in a tornado of flames Naruto from the side charges up a new version of the **Rasengan **and lunges at him.

"This is the end Orochimaru. Take this! **Bakyuu Rasengan**!"

As soon as it hits Orochimaru it not grinds into his chest but also furthers traps him. Naruto then charges another new **Rasengan**, the **Uzumaki Naruto Rasengan** which attempts to tear out the snake bastard but before it hits Orochimaru stabs Naruto in the chest with the Kusanagi. Naruto cries out in pain and his **UN Rasengan** only manage to tear a new hole in Orochimaru's chest while the **Bakyuu Rasengan** dissipates. However the force of the Rasengan launches Orochimaru into a wall. He hits the ground hard and pretty soon his body become lifeless. And then Naruto falls to the ground.

End Flashback (Damn that was long)

"_I did it guys. The bastard is no more. Well it's time to heads towards the light."_

"**Not on your life brat!"**

* * *

**Well, how was it. Please review and I do accept constructive criticism.**

**Jutsu List (I'm only going to bother describing the original techs):**

**Katon: Goukakyuu no Jutsu (Fire Release: Grand Fireball Technique)**

**Kage Bushin no Jutsu (Shadow Clone Technique)**

**Bushin Daibakuha (Clone Great Explosion)**

**Shuriken Kage Bushin no Jutsu (Shuriken Shadow Clone Technique)**

**Katon: Karyuu Endan (Fire Dragon Flame Missile)**

**Futon: Kazeryuudan (Wind Release: Wind Dragon Blast) – This creates a dragon out of wind and launches itself at the enemy**

**Kawanimi no Jutsu (Replacement Technique)**

**Kafuton:Tatsumaki Homura (Fire and Wind Release: Tornado Flame) - Surrounds the enemy in a flaming tornado. If used properly it can and will incinerate the enemy completely **

**Rasengan (Spiraling Sphere)**

**Bakyuu Rasengan (Vacuum Spiraling Sphere) – Performs like the Rasengan and looks like one only it's pale blue, has no sound, and adds a vacuum effect to trap opponents **

**Uzumaki Naruto Rasengan (Whirlpool Maelstrom Spiraling Sphere) – It's a Rasengan infused with wind in the form of a bright green violent whirlpool. With it Naruto can literally tear apart anything **


	2. Purgatory, Proposals, Botched Rebirth

A/N: I'm back with another edition of Death & Rebirth of the Blond Idiot. Enjoy!

Legend

"…normal..."

"…_thoughts..."_

"…**Kyuubi talks/Jutsu**..."

"…_**Kyuubi thinks**…"_

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto and I so wished I did.

* * *

**Chapter Two: Purgatory, Proposals, and a Botched Rebirth**

"_What?"_ Naruto wakes up and sees that he's surrounded in a lot of black. _"Is this Heaven? I always pictured angels, Emma, and fields of ramen. Or maybe I'm having one of those near-death experiences where I fly around limbo."_

"**No it's purgatory kit. Mind you they really should spruce up the place. Last time I was here it was white and it had a guy from that Clear Eyes commercial. And I already had one of those kinds of near-death experiences. Mind you I still never listened to death about what I should change about myself." **said a familiar foxy voice.

"_Huh? Oh it's just you fox. Any new threats you want to scream in my head."_

"**Stuff it moron. I take a nap for 1 hour and already you caused my death. And not only that but it's one of those useless meaningless deaths."**

"_What the hell do you mean? I killed Orochimaru."_

"**Brat, you really should observe things carefully. Have you noticed why that fucking fruit cake never tried using his stronger techniques?"**

"_Fruit cake? That's a first. I always thought he was more of a gay drag queen."_

"**FOCUS BRAT!" **

"_Huh, now that you think about he never did use something like **Edo Tensei** or...**Orochimaru Ougi: Kizu Nagaikoto**" _(A/N: It so scary it'll make even Itachi cry)_ (shudders)_

"**Don't bring that up. I'm still scarred from last time. Anyways the main reason he never tried going all out against you is that he used that damn Kinjutsu: Majin Saisei."**

"_What in kami does that do?"_

"**This goddamn technique gives a human a second life in exchange for their soul. Mind you it was a bitch to kill humans who already performed that technique, like that Jack Thompson guy."**

"_SAY WHAT! You mean that bastard is still alive?"_

"**Yes, but I can fix all that, all I can..."**

"_Oh great. How am I supposed to relax in the afterlife with this hovering over my head?"_

"**Yeah but..."**

"_I mean right now I could be eating ramen with Iruka-sensei or pulling a prank on Emma."_

"**Listen to me..."** (Naruto continues rambling) **"Shut up brat!"** (still rambling) She sighed **"Fuck this."**

The fox performs some hand seals and appears right in front of Naruto.

"**LISTEN TO ME YOU DAMN FUCKING IDIOT!"** yelled Kyuubi and proceeded to kick him in the face, which launches Naruto five feet backwards.

"Ow. What the hell was that for…what the?"

Standing in front of him is a red-haired woman who looks no older than 20 and wearing a red kimono that barely covered her assets. She would look human except that she has fox ears, crimson eyes with slit-like pupils, whiskers, and nine fox tails. Of course all this plus creamy skin and breasts that can rival Tsunade adds to her sex appeal. And of course like any guy minus Orochimaru and his bitch Kabuto, Naruto fainted after a massive nosebleed (A/N Don't ask why he can bleed).

About 5 minutes later Naruto gets up and sees said woman in front of him.

"**Like my human form?" **said Kyuubi seductively.

"Fox is that you?"

"**Yeah, it's me. If you're wondering how I did this, well we're dead and we can pretty** **much do anything.** (Naruto stares)** "What, never seen a woman before?"**

"No, I've always pictured you as a guy."

Alright, there are many rules to address a demon lord of Kyuubi's stature. And a few of them are:

Never insult Kyuubi-sama

Never assume Kyuubi-sama is a guy

Address her as Great Almighty Demon Lord Kyuubi

If the first three is broken, prepare for a barbecue

Now Kyuubi will allow Naruto to insult her every now and then and she hates formalities, however if she ever finds out that you called her as a guy, well….

**Kitsune Youjutsu: Kitsune-bi**

She proceeded to burn our unfortunate hero with her ghostly fire technique.

"Alright, I get it o mighty Kyuubi-sama. Please, just don't burn me again."

"**That's better and I hate formalities unless I approve of them. Anyways before I was rudely interrupted, I have a way of making sure that Orochimaru never starts that damn war."**

"Really? What is it?"

"**Kinjutsu: Jikoku Gyakuten**. **With this I can transport us to any point in time, as long as it's not the future."**

"Cool, wait. If you could do that then…"

"**Yeah. I can prevent Yondi from ever sticking me into your gut. However there are a few restrictions. First off, it's a one-shot technique that can only be performed in a do-it-when-you're-pushing-up-daisies situation. Second it's a one-way tunnel so there's no point in trying to go back to the future. And third, time travel is extremely risky. One false move and you can end up your own grandfather."**

"Is time travel that risky?"

"**Yeah. If I remember exactly some delivery boy tried it and accidentally slept with his own grandma after killing his grandfather in a nuclear explosion. Or was that something I saw on Futurama?"**

Naruto shudders at the thought of being his own grandpa.

"**And also I'm a proud demon and I'll stick with you until the end, or until there's another opportunity to get out. And I've started to like you after these past 22 years."**

"Aww. I'm so loved."

"**Besides, I love torturing you. Heh heh heh" (evil grin).**

Naruto face faulted. "Alright, if you're doing this for me, what's in it for you?"

"**Release me from my prison every now and them with summoning. And don't say that you can only sign one pact at a time. That's just some stupid idea you humans thought up. Besides I like to see the human that have more than two pacts with summons."**

Somewhere in Sylvarant Sheena sneezed.

"Are you planning to go on a killing spree every time I summon you?"

"**Not all demons go on killing sprees. Besides, I plan to go on a sex spree."** Naruto raise an eyebrow. **"What, I may be a demon but I'm still a woman and I have needs."**

"Like you ever was one."

She would retaliate with fire but instead she performed **Kage Bushin** combined with **Harem Jutsu** to turn in numerous girls, all either naked or scantily clad, and once again Naruto has a massive nosebleed but surprisingly he didn't faint.

"**_This is fun"_ "Now do we have a deal or should I pull out the Tsunade/Shizune files?"**

"Alright, we have a deal."

"**I promise."** Kyuubi lied. She reappears in Naruto. **"I'll take over your body for now but don't disturb me while I do this. There are about a hundred seals and I DON'T PLAN TO MEMORIZE ANY MORE KINGS."  
**

She takes over Naruto and does the numerous handseals. However on the 97th seal she slightly misses the horse seal which she didn't realize until the last seal.

"_**Aw crap."**_

**Kinjutsu: Jikoku Gyakuten**

It may look like nothing has happened but at that moment their surroundings shattered (kinda like the battle entrance to FFX only louder) and revealed a freaky wormhole with clocks, including the annoying kitty ones. And all went black.

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. CRASH.

"_Goddamn alarm clock .I came close to finding the holy grail of ramen and it wakes me up."_ Naruto sleepily heads over to the bathroom sink and brushes his teeth. _"Huh. Was the sink always this high?" _He takes one look at the mirror and then yells out "WHAT IN GOD'S FUCKING HELL JUST HAPPENED!" that can be heard throughout Konoha and beyond.

At the Hokage Tower…

"What's wrong with Naruto now? And he really should watch his language." said the Sandaime Hokage.

At the Uchiha Mansion…

"Is the dobe always this loud in the morning?" said Sasuke.

At some apartment complex…

"Hm. Did I just heard something?" Kakashi said while reading Icha Icha Paradise.

Somewhere in Wave Country…

"Zabuza, did you just hear that." Haku said.

"No. You must be hearing things." Zabuza replied.

* * *

A/N: Well, how was it. Like it? Good. Hate it? Say it in the reviews. And I probably have the next chapter in a few days or so if I'm not lazy or procrastinating. Till next time. 

**Jutsu List:**

**Kuchiyose: Edo Tensei (Summoning: Impure World Resurrection)**

**Orochimaru Ougi: Kizu Nagaikoto (Orochimaru Secret Technique: Scar for Long Time) – Genjutsu stronger than Tsukuyomi and horrible enough to scar you for a long time. Truly frightening **

**Kinjutsu: Majin Sainen (Forbidden Technique: Devil Revival) – By selling your soul to the devil the caster can have an extra life**

**Kitsune Youjutsu: Kitsune-bi (Fox Magic: Fox Fire) – Pretty much Shippo's technique from InuYasha except a whole lot stronger**

**Kage Bushin no Jutsu (Shadow Clone Technique) **

**Haremu no Jutsu (Harem Technique)**

**Kinjutsu: Kizu Nagaikoto (Forbidden Technique: Time Reversal) – This allows anybody to travel back in time. However one mistake can leave disastrous results (usually involves a Grandparent Paradox)**


	3. Another Deal, ReIntroduction to Team 7

A/N: Well here's chapter 3. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto but I do own Nemuri.

* * *

Chapter 3: Another Deal, (Re)Introduction to Team 7, and Shopping

Last time on Death & Rebirth Naruto and Kyuubi (now hot and sultry) made propositons that eventually led to** Kizu Nagaikoto. **However when she messed up the horse seal slightly, instead of going 5 years (or was it four, I'm too lazy to check) they end up going back to Naruto's Genin years. And the result is Naruto yelling out "WHAT IN GOD'S FUCKING HELL HAS HAPPENED?" that can be heard throughout Konoha and then some. Will there be changes? Will Kyuubi lose her sanity? Will Naruto shut up? Stay tuned and find out!

After 10 minutes of non-stop swearing and numerous complaints throughout Konoha, Naruto…well he's still at it.

"**QUIET DOWN THERE BRAT! SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO SLEEP HERE!"**

"_Hey stupid fox. I thought we're going back 5 years, not 10. And why am I 12?" _

"**Well as you can see I screwed up the 97th seal. Yes me, the Great and Mighty Kyuubi-sama screws up. And this time the formality is intentional."**

"_How the hell did you mess up a seal?"_

"**Kit. There are about a hundred seals. Be glad I only messed up slightly, I mean I've seen worse things happened to people. Look at Napoleon. He fails conquering Russia once, performs said jutsu, messes up, and comes back short. Not only that but the idiot tried conquered Russia again. Consider it lucky that nothing much happened to us."**

"_WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN LUCKY? I WAS A FREAKIN' ANBU WHO MASTERED THE **BAKYUU** AND **UN RASENGAN**! AND NOW I'M JUST A TWELVE YEAR OLD BRAT! I'M LUCKY IF I COULD DO A REGULAR **RASENGAN** WITH A CLONE!"_

"**WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP? God you're worse than Rokubi. And he keeps shoving in my face how he's a better artist than me. FYI: I can't draw, I instead help people become better artists. I did gave that Deidara guy the concept of "Art is a Bang!"**

Flashback

Somewhere on the outskirts of Iwagakure a 5 year old Deidara (A/N: Let's naturally assume that Deidara right now is 18) has finished a clay sculpture of the Tsuchikage.

"Finally, I finished my sculpture. Now to preserve my art for the ages." said Deidara.

Then came along Kyuubi in full demon form running towards Konoha for reasons involving Sanbi and Pocky. She then crushed Deidara's statue and nearly killed him. They say that at that moment the loss of a clay statue with a near-death experience caused a mental change in him and his view on art, most notably yelling out "Art is a bang!" and saying yeah a lot.

End Flashback

"_That was a bad idea. Speaking of Deidara, what happened to Akatsuki?"_

"**I don't know. The author probably saving that fact for later or he's lazy. Anyways I have another proposition for you."**

"_Are you going to botch this too?"_

"**No, this time it's nearly impossible to mess up. I am going to train you."**

"_YOU? Kyuubi no Kitsune? The one who can level mountains and create tsunamis with a flick of her tail is going to train me? Since when?"_

"**Since the stupid fruit cake killed me. Since I'm going to train you, I'll also be lending you some of my knowledge. So this time you won't eat those damn laughing mushrooms."**

Flashback

"Hey guys, look what I found." said the blond idiot holding some mushrooms.

"Dobe. Those are poison mushrooms." said an indifferent Sasuke.

"Huh? How can they be poisonous? I only ate 3 and I'm feeling fine." said Naruto.

"_Moron."_ thought Sakura.

End Flaskback

"_That was only once!"_

"**No idiot eats red cap mushrooms with spots. Hell we demon lords won't touch Super Mushrooms. We will touch the 1UP mushrooms although all they do is that they make good stew."**

"_Well at least Sasuke-teme fed me some medicine."_

"**Actually all he fed you was sugar when you were complaining that you were going to die."**

And once again he yelled out "DAMN YOU FUCKING SASUKE! NEXT TIME YOU'RE SUFFERING FROM DEATH, I'LL MAKE SURE YOU SUFFER FROM MY **GENJUTSU: BUKOKU KESSON KOMATA**!!!"

And throughout Konoha, every man has a sudden dread of losing what defines them a man.

"**Kit, that was creepy."**

"_Stuff it stupid fox. Anyways, if you doing this for me what's in it for you?"_

"**Two things. First off get some new clothes. God even as a Jonin-level ANBU you still wear that god-awful orange jumpsuit."**

"_Hey, at least I wear black on duty."_

"**That doesn't count."**

"_Fine. But thanks to you furball no store will accept me."_

"**Well, try at least. There's probably one store that'll accept you."**

"_Okay then, what the other thing you want?"_

"**I need a new cell. God I'm starting to hate darkness and bars."**

"_Why do you want a new room?" _

"**Like I said above, now do it or face this."**

"_Huh?"_ and Kyuubi shoves BDSM pictures of Anko and Kurenai in his mindscape. Naruto can't tell if it's hot or disturbing although the nosebleed is present. _"Alright. Alright."_ he thinks hard.

"**A white room, real creative."** said Kyuubi sarcastically. **"At least I remember to drag my summoning scroll along."** She takes out a summoning scroll and brings out a big screen TV, an Xbox 360, a PS3, a Wii, an ungodly amount of games, a generator, and a beast of a PC. (A/N: I don't own a 360, a PS3, or a Wii and I so wish I did.)

"_Where the hell did you get the scroll?"_

"**Anything we carry gets taken back with us."**

"_Hold that thought."_ Naruto pulls out his summoning scroll and pulls out supplies (_"Tonight, we eat like kings!"_ **"It's just ramen"** _"Are you kidding? This is the special_ _nindo noodles I've been stockpiling for the last 3 years."_), a black zanbatou (_"Crap, its_ _heavy."_ **"Put it back moron."**), and a picturebook ("….."). He then pulled out Gama-chan (_"Gama-chan's happy when he's full_." **_"…lucky bastard."_**) (A/N …lucky bastard) and a worn-out forehead protector.

"_Forehead protector? Crap! What's today?"_

"**Oh, I don't know...LOOK AT YOUR DAMN CALENDAR."**

Naruto takes a look at his calendar and realize something.

"Damn! I forgot today's the day we're assigned teams."

He quickly dresses in said orange jumpsuit, heads out the door, locks it, and runs full speed at the academy.

At the academy 10 minutes later…

"SORRY I'M LATE IRUKA-SENSEI!" yelled Naruto. He notices that he's early and only ¾ of the graduating class appeared.

"Hey Naruto." some random kid said. "What the hell are you here? You failed remember?"

"Oh? Then you don't mind if I show you this headband right?" Naruto stated. Then a loud girly voice is yelled in the room.

"SASUKE-KUN! CAN I SIT NEXT TO YOU?" said a familiar pink-haired kunoichi-in- training.

"HEY! I'M GOING TO SIT NEXT TO SASUKE-KUN!" said the other blonde in the room.

"I CAME HERE FIRST INO-PIG!"

"I CAME HERE FIRST BILLBOARD BROW!"

"I CAME HERE FIRST!" said pretty much every other girl who's in the Sasuke Fan Club, minus a blue-haired Hyuuga heiress who's currently admiring a blond idiot. And pretty soon every member of the SFC are in one huge heated debate on who's going to sit next to said Uchiha and said Uchiha simply "Hn."

"How troublesome." said a lazy pineapple head.

"For once Shikamaru, I agree." said Naruto.

Then the heated debate turned into a throw-whatever-you-can free-for-all which resulted in every girl throwing whatever they can and the boys plus one Hyuuga hid under the tables. Unfortunately for our blond idiot, Sakura grabbed him and threw him towards Ino. Ino dodges and instead Naruto flies headfirst into Sasuke.

"Sasuke watch out!" said every girl.

"Hn?" Sasuke hned.

Now normally Fate is a kind person when she's not pissed off. However she loves screwing around with people for her own amusement. And as fate would have it…

SMOOCH!

Sakura yelled while Inner Sakura "**SHANNARO! I'LL KILL YOU NARUTO! I'M SUPPOSED TO BE SASUKE'S FIRST KISS!" **Every other girl of the SFC had the same thought.

"Naruto you bastard. I'll kill you." Sasuke gagged.

"My mouth! It's been poisoned again!" Naruto gagged. He then notices the killer intent rising in the room and turns around. Sakura threatened while cracking her knuckles. The SFC did the same.

"Oh crap."

"Naruto-kun." said a concerned Hinata.

About 20 minutes later Iruka came in and announced the teams. Naruto however is covered in bruises, bumps, a black eye, and steam.

"**WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh man, seeing you get beat up by a room full of girls is so much funny than Dave Chappelle."**

"_Shut it fox. And who's Dave Chappelle?"_

"**Never mind, Scarface is going to announce Team 7."**

"_What's the point? It's going to be me, Sasuke, and Sakura-chan."_

"Next, Team 7." Iruka said. "Uzumaki Naruto. Haruno Sakura. (_"Damn." _thought Sakura. _"YES!"_ thought the other girls). And Uchiha Sasuke ("_SHANNARO!"_Sakura mentally cheered. _"Damn."_ thought the other girls.) Your instructor is Hatake Kakashi."

"_Told you, now if you excuse me I'm going to take a nap." _

About two hours later after every other Genin met up with their instructor Team 7…well…

"He's late." Sakura stated for the fifth time today. **"Shannaro! He better be here or I'll rip his head off!"**

"Hn." Sasuke hned .

And Naruto is still asleep, or at least that's what anybody outside saw. While in the belly of the beast**… "HA! 32-0! Take that blondie!"** "Damn fox must be cheating." **"Nope.** **You just suck." **…the furball and the idiot were playing rounds of Halo 2.

Half an hour later…

"Sorry I'm late. I got lost on the road of life." said the silver-haired scarecrow known as Kakashi. "Liar." said Sakura. He takes notice of his team. "My first impression of you guys, I don't like you. (Sakura scowled, Sasuke hned, and Naruto snored.) Meet me on the roof and somebody wake up blondie." He disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

"**Time to wake up kit."**

"Hey dobe, wake up."

Naruto wakes up and (intentionally) hits Sasuke. "BOOYAH STUPID FURBALL! 1-38!"

"Teme." stated both Sasuke and Sakura.

On the rooftop…

"Alright, how about we start off by introducing ourselves. My name is Hatake Kakashi. I like…a lot of things (**_"Icha Icha Paradise"_**). I have no desire to tell you what I hate (**_"He hates anybody who mocks Icha Icha Paradise."_**). Dreams for the future… (**_"He_****_dreams of owning the whole set and having it signed by Ero-sennin."_**). And I have a lot of hobbies (**_"Reading Icha Icha_** **_Paradise and watching Icha Icha Soap Opera."_**)."

"All we learned is his name." Sasuke stated indifferently.

"You're up moody."

"My name is Uchiha Sasuke. It's none of your concern about what I like (**_"Guys"_**), hate (**_"Girls"_**), or what's my hobbies (**_"Checking_****_out guys."_**). My dream is more of an ambition. I will restore my clan and kill a certain man (**_"Or finding the right guy."_**)."

"You're next pinky."

"_Pinky?" _ I'm Haruno Sakura. I like…well the person I like…(giggling)…(**_"Girls"_**). What I hate is Ino-pig and Naruto (_"Whatever Pinky."_) (**_"Guys."_**). My hobbies… (giggling) (**_"Kissing girls."_**)And my dreams… (squeals in delight) (**_"Making out with every kunoichi in Konoha + Temari_**.**_"_**)

"And you blondie."

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto. " I like ramen and Ichiraku ramen (**_"XXX."_**). I hate the three minutes it takes for ramen to be ready (**_"Bad XXX"_**). My hobbies are trying new kinds of ramen and taking care of my plant, Mr. Ukki (**_"That was she said. WOOO!"_**). My dreams is to become Hokage and have everyone acknowledge me (**_"With porn."_**),protecting a certain furball even though she keeps yelling out HEADSHOT (**"HEADSHOT!"**), and like Sasuke I also have to kill a certain man (says it seriously) (**_"No comment._**")"

"_A moody avenger, pinky is more interested in boys than girls, and the blond idiot is possibly psychologically insane." _"Alright, now that we introduced ourselves we're going to take a test to see if you're capable of being Genin."

"What? But I thought we already did that." Said Sakura

"That was just to narrow down those who have the slightest chance of being Genin Pinky. Among the 27 of us only 9 will go on to Genin level." said Naruto intellectually.

"Blondie's right and also this test will have a 66 chance of failure. Alright tomorrow meet me at our training spot at 0500. The details are on the printout, and don't bother eating. You're going to throw it all up. Dismissed." Kakashi said and he disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

Now right now I could follow the regular storyline but that's no fun so we'll focus on Naruto shopping for new duds. As for Sasuke and Sakura, everything remains the same minus a blond idiot.

After 20 minutes Naruto have entered 4 shops, 1 'calmly' told Naruto to leave while the other 3 literary kicked him out. He was about to give up when he sees a shop labeled Nemuri's House of Style.

"Huh, never seen this place before."

He enters the shop and sees various styles of clothes from all around. He heads toward the counter only to see it empty.

"Hello. Is anybody there?"

"ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ." comes out of nowhere.

Naruto takes a look around and sees a 23 year old woman taking a nap in the middle of the floor. (She's dressed in a white sleeveless shirt, blue pants with a black sash, standard sandals that looks like the one Naruto wears, fingerless gloves, and a red bandana. Her hairstyle is a black pageboy haircut, or at least Ayanami-like, and she has a scar on her cheek, similar to Cammy's. She's 5ft 5 and her body is slender although she does have a nice chest.)

"Hey wake up! I want to buy something." yelled Naruto.

"I'm up Izumi-sensei!" she yawns. "Oh…welcome to my store. Can I help you?"

"Does this happen all the time?"

"About everyday, but nothing serious happens when I fall asleep in the afternoon."

"Do you get enough sleep at night or something?"

"Actually I do. I just have narcolepsy. Let me introduce myself. The name's Nemuri Kanzaki." (Nemuri means sleep. Go figure.)

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto. So did you open shop recently?"

"Actually yes but business has been slow as hell. Too much friendly competition."

"That sucks."

"You're telling me. It was my intention to open shop here considering that Konoha's the most prosperous of the hidden villages and it has been my dream to open my own line of clothes. Tell me, what's your dream kid?"

"_Might as well go with the usual."_ "My dream is to become Hokage and have everyone acknowledge me."

"That's a great dream kid. You know since you're my first customer and you're also a nice guy, how 'bout a discount."

"Sweet thanks!"

"No problem, now let's see what style fits you."

After 40 minutes Naruto chose 2 black & blue t-shirts and muscle shirts, some black jeans, new socks and sandals, a fern green vest, and the same fingerless gloves Nemuri wears.

"Alright all this and a discount will cost you 10,500 ryou."

He pays her and leaves her shop.

"Thanks kid, and tell people about my shop."

Naruto drops off his clothes at his apartment and heads towards a weapons shop on the west part of Konoha. He enters it and luckily nobody kicked him out. He heads towards the counter ands sees a heavily muscular man with numerous tattoos all over his body.

"Welcome kid, what can I get you?" he bellowed.

"I'm looking for a katana small enough for me to handle yet good enough for quick draws. And some chakra weights for my arms and legs." Naruto said. _"Since I can't use Shadow Fox yet I might as well use the katana for now,"_

"You ever used one before kid?"

"I have, why'd you asked?"

"Come here kid."

"Huh?" He heads over. Burly guy takes a good at Naruto's eyes. He then laughs.

"You know kid, you may not look like it but you have the eyes of a great swordsman. Tell you what, since I like you I'll forge you a good blade on the condition that you buy all your equipment from me. Hell, I'll even toss in a discount."

"Really, thanks! By the way, my name's Uzumaki Naruto."

"I'm Kishi Makoto."

Naruto made a realization. "Any chance you're Tenten's father?"

"Heh, so you met my daughter."

"Not personally, I just know that she graduated last year and she's the best weapon specialist in Konoha."

"That's her alright."

The two went down to business. Makoto ask for specifics and customization and Naruto gave them. "All this with a discount will cost you 10,000 ryou." Naruto paid the man.

"Alright kid, here are your weights and your blade will be ready in a week."

"Thanks, see ya."

"Anytime."

Naruto decides to call it a day so he heads towards his apartment to have his so-called feast, take a bath, and go to sleep while training with Kyuubi mentally.

* * *

A/N: Goddamn that was long. Anyways remember to review (I could use more) and till next time. 

**Jutsu list:**

**Kinjutsu: Kizu Nagaikoto (Forbidden Technique: Time Reversal) – See chapter 2**

**Bakyuu Rasengan (Vacuum Spiraling Sphere) – See chapter 1**

**Uzumaki Naruto Rasengan (Whirlpool Maelstrom Spiraling Sphere) – See chapter 1**

**Rasengan (Spiraling Sphere)**

**Genjutsu: Bukoku Kesson Komata (Illusion Technique: False Accusation of Losing Crotch) – Like the name says but considering Naruto's lack of genjutsu skills it's most likely something he yelled out of anger**


	4. Tests, Youth, and Sake

A/N Yay, I so love you guys! Well time for something important. In terms of the storyline, besides my twists I probably will follow the regular storyline with a new story arc after Wave Country. And I have great ideas for the Chunin Exams (look forward to it). As for pairings, I might go with Naruto/Kyuubi but who knows what I'll pick. Anyways, here's chapter 4. Enjoy!

Legend

"…normal..."

"…_thoughts..."_

"…**Kyuubi & Inner Sakura talks/Jutsu**..."

"…_**Kyuubi thinks**…"_

* * *

**Chapter 4: Tests, Springtime of Youth, and Sake**

At 9:00 A.M. Naruto gets up, brushes his teeth, fixes his hair, and makes his usual cup of ramen (of course when he turned 16 he began to eat more balanced meals but considering that nobody would sell food to him minus Ichiraku at normal price, he gone back to ramen) while thinking about what he learned with Kyuubi when he was sleeping.

Flashback

"**Alright kit, considering that your genjutsu skill is a piece of crap, I'm not going to bother teaching you Kitsune Youjutsu: Kitsune-gen (did I do this right?). And you already learned Oiroke no Jutsu which is my variation of a Henge no Jutsu. However I will be teaching you how to resist and deflect other genjutsu, kind of like how the Uchihas does it with the sharigan. However it's best to build your chakra control again."**

"Great, more tree, water, fire, and air walking."

"**I'll also teach you Kitsune Youjutsu: Kitsune-bi and Kitsune Youjutsu: Yumehatsugen which allows you to manifest in dreams."**

"What about that life-sucking technique?"

"**Don't bother with it, unless you want to turn into an incubus."**

"Huh? Why's the technique you foxes use refers to a life-sucking demon?"

"**It's something we kitsunes do unless we find our mates for life, although I don't condone with it. Fewer playthings in the process. (Naruto facefaults) To use fox fire, concentrate the flames in your palm and throw it at your opponent(s). Considering your near-mastery of the fire element you'll have no problem manipulating the flames to your advantage. And it requires no hand seals so no Uchiha can copy it. However considering your current state you still need to practice it. Dream manifestation is a little more complicated because to use it you pretty much have to leave your body which leaves you vulnerable."**

"Isn't this like Ino's **Shintenshin no Jutsu**?"

"**This technique enters dreams, not minds. Besides this technique is fun to use considering you get to screw around with people in their sleep."**

"Mess with their dreams huh." Naruto said. _"Hehehehehe, time to mess with Sasuke."_

"**Try not to abuse it. You can only train in this technique while you sleep because that's the closest state of mind to leaving your body. Also this technique drains quite a bit of** **chakra and also people may suspect something. And also sign this."** She brings out a summoning scroll.

"Don't I already have a pact with toads? And you can only have…"

"**I already said in chapter 2 that you can have more than one pact with summons." **she interrupted. **"Although it's best to not have too many, now sign the damn scroll."**

Naruto signs the pact with foxes.

"**And we're clear. Now you can summon either me or my subordinates. Just summon me if necessary or I'm horny and be careful when you summon Yoko. I doubt that after all these years he has a heart for humans."**

Meanwhile in Human World, Kurama sneezed.

End Flashback

Around 9:30 Naruto dresses in his new clothes and heads out the door to their training spot. When he reaches there he sees a usual moody Uchiha and a close-to-homicide Haruno.

"You're late Naruto!" said Sakura.

"Sorry, sorry. But ypu should know that Kakashi is never early for anything."

"Where did you get the clothes dobe."

"Got them at a store called Nemuri's House of Style."

"I can see why it's called the house of style. Even for you they look good." said Sakura

"Well it would help if you tell people about her store. She could use some business."

"Let's see what she's got."

"Yo, am I late?" asked Kakashi.

"YES YOU ARE!" yelled Sakura.

10:30 A.M.

"Alright, here's your test." Kakashi said. He holds up two bells. "Your test today is to get these two bells from me."

While Kakashi talks about what they are supposed to do, Sakura questioning his test, and Sasuke formulating his plan without considering the others Naruto is having a talk with Kyuubi.

"_Should I try convincing them to team up and formulate a plan or go solo?"_

"**Try both, besides I want to see get your ass poked again. Mind you last time was hilarious."**

"_Shut it fox."_ Naruto is still pissed off about the **Sennen Goroshi**. Then he has an idea to try out.

"Alright, begin." Kakashi said.

Sasuke and Sakura disappeared to find a vantage point while Naruto formulates his plan.

"_Alright, that's what I'll do."_

Naruto starts off by charging at Kakashi. "Hmm, starting off with taijutsu? Then you don't mind if I bring out this." He reaches into his pocket. At Sakura and Sasuke's location…

"_Is it a weapon?"_ thought both Sakura and Sasuke. Kakashi brings

out……………………..the one and only……………………………Icha Icha Paradise Vol. 5! Naruto stops in his tracks.

"_An erotic novel?"_ sweatdropped Sasuke.

"_Dirty old man."_ sweatdropped Sakura.

"_Haven't read that one. Couldn't find it, damn Ero-sennin wouldn't write me one." _thought Naruto.

"**_Can't be as good as Icha Icha Tactics Vol.3, that lesbian scene between Reiko and _****_Kaname was great."_** thought Kyuubi.

"_So…Junko said that…"_ thought Kakashi as he giggled.

"_Must get that novel, must read part between Junko and Takashi."_ thought Naruto. He proceeded to thrash Kakashi but he dodges while reading. Naruto tries another punch but Kakashi disappeared.

"You know, a shinobi never turns his back on the enemy." said Kakashi as he formed the tiger seal.

"_No way, he's going to use a ninjutsu?"_ thought Sakura

"_That's the seal for fire justus. So he's going to use that?"_ thought Sasuke.

Kakashi, with a gleam in his eye yelled out "**Konohagakure Hiden: Taijutsu no Ougi:****Sennen Goroshi!"** He poked Naruto's ass and sent him flying.

"_Secret technique my ass, that was just a super powerful ass poke."_ thought Sakura.

"_They're both idiots."_ thought Sasuke. Just then the Naruto that was flying dispelled to reveal a log.

"_**Kawarami no Jutsu**, the idiot has a brain. Now where is he."_ thought Kakashi.

"You know, I always wanted to try this out on a Jonin." said Naruto_. "This is fucking revenge from last time!"_

"_Oh fuck no."_ thought Kakashi.

"_Don't tell me he's going to use that fucking technique."_ thought Sakura.

"_I repeat from earlier, they're both fucking idiots."_ thought Sasuke.

"**_Don't tell me that's his fucking plan."_** thought Kyuubi.

"Take this, **Konohagakure Hiden: Taijutsu no Ougi: Sennen Goroshi**!" he yelled as he does the super powerful ass poke. It connects and Kakashi is sent flying.

"_Can't believe that actually worked."_ thought Sakura.

"_Can't believe I actually pulled it off."_ thought Naruto.

"_Can't believe my Jonin instructor and the dobe are big idiots."_ thought Sasuke.

"_Can't believe that I actually let him do that."_ thought Kakahi amongst the shadows in a tree.

"**_Can't believe this is not butter."_** thought Kyuubi. (A/N: Sorry, couldn't help myself.). The Kakashi in the air dispelled to reveal a log.

"_Okay, he's hiding. Hey fox, can I try out the fox fire?"_

"**Go nuts."** said Kyuubi as she plays La Pucelle. **_"Damn dark world. I swear it's a whole lot fucking easier when I became demon lord."_** (A/N: I so hate that dark world.)

"_Alright, concentrate the flames in your palm."_ Naruto concentrates the flames in his palm. Pretty soon he forms a ball of ghostly blue flames.

"_Is that a ninjutsu?" _thought Sakura.

"_A fire technique, I must learn it."_ thought Sasuke.

"_Hmm, interesting technique. Haven't seen it since the Kyuubi attack 12 years ago."_ thought Kakashi.

"_Okay, I got the flames now lets see if I can manipulate it."_ "Alright time to test my new technique. **Kitsune Youjutsu: Kitsune-bi**." yelled Naruto.

He throws the flames, it may look nothing right now but with Naruto near-mastery of the fire element he manipulated the flames to search for Kakashi.

"_Damn, I wasn't expecting him to actually manipulate the flames. Oh crap it's coming for_ _me."_ thought Kakashi. He manages to dodge the flames and disappeared out of nowhere. _"So much for blondie, although he has potential. Hmm, I see pinky, tine for lesson #2."_

"_Well that was quite draining."_ Naruto huffed.

"**Is that was your plan, you forget that you still need to get a bell." **

"_I know, I know."_ Naruto hears a scream. "Must be Sakura, we'll try to convince her to do the teamwork thing." He heads off to find Sakura and shortly after finds her unconscious. "Hmm, Kakashi's **Magen: Narakumi no Jutsu, **only one cure for that." He brandishes a paper fan out of nowhere and whacks her. Sakura, in anger, chokes him.

"SHANNARO! DIE NARUTO!" Pinky yelled.

"Sakura calm down, I have a plan." he choked.

While he tells her plan (**_"A lot better than that other one.") _**Sasuke was trying his hardest to beat the scarecrow while Kakashi made fun of his Uchiha legacy. In retaliation

Sasuke performed some seals for **Katon: Goukakyuu no Jutsu**.

"He shouldn't have the chakra required for a Chunin level technique." Kakashi thought as he dodged the fireball.

"Damn where did he go."

"Down here. **Doton: Shinjū Zanshu no Jutsu.**"

"Huh?" Sasuke said as Kakashi pilled him down in the ground, leaving his head.

"Lesson #3, ninjutsu. You know, you should always look underneath the underneath."

"True Kakashi but a shinobi never turns his back on an enemy. **Futon: Daitoppa**!" yelled Naruto.

From the direction of Kakashi's back a huge gust of wind knocks Kakashi off his feet."

"What?" said Kakashi.

Then a pink blur tried to take a bell, she only managed to get one.

"Damn." said Sakura.

"_Hmm, at least they managed to grasp the concept of teamwork."_ thought Kakashi.

"I'm not thru yet, take this! Kage Bushin no Jutsu!" Naruto made a shadow clone. Shadow Naruto charged at Kakashi, Kakashi brandishes a kunai and strikes Naruto.

However Shadow Naruto exploded via **Bushin Daibakuha**.

"Crap!" Kakashi thought as the bushin exploded in front of him. Sasuke took the opportunity to get out of the ground and snagged a bell.

"Well Kakashi we got your bells, do we pass." said Sakura.

With a smile "You pass." Both Sakuras "SHANNARO!" and Sasuke simply smirked.

"That was a nice plan. Did Naruto came up with it?" Sakura nodded while Sasuke thought "The dobe not bad, can't tell him that." "Speaking of Naruto, where did he go?"

"Oh, so that what happened to Junko." Naruto giggled.

They looked in a nearby tree to see Naruto reading Icha Icha Paradise Vol. 5 giggling.

"Damn pervert." said Sakura.

"…wonder if it's as good as Vol. 4 that my brother had." said Sasuke.

"_So he likes Icha Icha too_. Naruto, can I have my book back?"

"Here you go." He tossed the book.

"Just remember this: Those who break the rules are trash. But those who abandon their friends are lower than trash. Alright tomorrow we'll start missions as Team Seven. Here's your lunch." He hands each of them a bento box. "Dismissed." Kakashi disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

They were about to eat when a huge gust of wind came out of nowhere knock their lunch on the floor…or on their heads.

"SHANNARO!" yelled both Naruto and Sakura while Sasuke twitched. They ran in the direction where the gust came from to reveal…

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

Gai and Lee are hugging each other, complete with a beach sunset with crashing waves.

"_What the fuck?"_ thought Sakura.

"_This is so fucked up."_ thought Sasuke.

"_Ugh, no matter how many times I seen it it's always look fucking insane."_ thought Naruto.

"**_Just how do they get that sunset background every time they do that."_** thought Kyuubi.

"Look Lee, some guest came to see the springtime of youth burn brightly within us!" said Gai.

"Gai-sensei, we must show them how bright our youth can be!" said Lee.

"That was beautiful Lee!" cried Gai.

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"This is so fucked up." said Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke, and Kyuubi simultaneously.

"At least you don't have to see it every day." said their teammates Hyuuga Neji and Kishi Tenten banging their heads on a tree leaving an imprint. "By the way, what with your heads?"

Sasuke, Sakura and Naruto twitched.

"Oh look Gai, they must be wearing something hip on their heads!" said Lee. And at that moment Sasuke, Sakura, and Naruto let out a string of swear words that can be heard all around.

At some hidden location…

"Yo Itachi, did you hear that?" said Kisame.

"Yes considering that those two are arguing again. (Referring to Sasori and Deidara) And I can tell that my foolish little brother is yelling some of those words." said Itachi as he shoves a few sticks of Pocky in his mouth.

"Dude, you really got to cut down on those."

"And you should stop watching Jaws so much."

Back to Team Gai's training area…

"Oh, such impurities! We must cleanse their souls with our flames of youth!" said Gai.

"We don't care, just replace our lunch." said Naruto and Sakura.

"Hmm, and who might you be." said Gai.

"I'm Sasuke, they're Sakura and Dobe." replied Sasuke.

"TEME, it's Naruto." said Naruto.

"Naruto huh. My dad told me about you." said Tenten. "How about a sparring match when you get your blade."

"Count on it." Naruto said with the nice guy pose.

"Oh, while we were having his youthful talk, we never introduced ourselves. I'm Konoha's Prideful Green Beast Maito Gai, and these are my students Hyuuga Neji (he simply nodded), Kishi Tenten ("Yo.") and my cute student Rock Lee." They hugged while everyone else face faulted. "From what I can tell, you're Kakashi's students."

"You know Kakashi?" said Sakura.

"People say we're eternal rivals." said Gai and he appears behind Team Seven. "Our record is 50/49.

"No way, you're beating Kakashi?" said Sakura.

"He's good." said Sasuke.

"Not interested, just replace our lunch." said Naruto.

"I see, my student youthfulness has caused your lunch to form that hip hairstyle. Lee, as punishment, 200 laps around Konoha."

"And if I can't do it, I must do 1000 push-ups, and if I can't do that…"

"We get it, just feed us." stated Sasuke.

5:00 P.M.

"Ugh, what happened?" Naruto said while clutching his head. He sees that he's in his apartment. "And why am I in my Sexy form?"

**"Awake kit? Man, you're hilarious while drunk. Here, let me show you."** Kyuubi said while shoving a mental recap from earlier.

Flashback…

"Toast, to my cute student for mastering the **Ura Renge**!" Gai and Lee toasted loudly while everyone else just toasted. However…

"Dude, why does the water taste funny?" said Naruto. Everyone else nodded minus Gai who figured it out.

"Don't drink anymore, its sake." said a worried Gai. Unfortunately…

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING GREEN!" Drunk Lee yelled while thrasing the restaurant and restrained by Gai.

"HOHOHOHOHOHO! LEE-KUN IS SO GREAT" Tenten admired.

"SHANNARO! I SAW YOU LOOKING AT MY BUTT!" yelled the surfaced Inner Sakura while beating up a random bystander.

Neji and Sasuke however were skipping around holding hands. And Naruto ran outside, found and kissed a estatic Hinata (she'll be like that for a while), flipped off the Hokage, and ran around in Sexy form.

End Flashback

"Damn, wonder how's everyone else." he said while throwing up.

Sakura and Tenten were found cuddled together, Lee was bailed out by Gai, and Neji and Sasuke learned never to drink. (NO YAOI!).

* * *

A/N: And ther's chapter 4. Remember to review and I'll have the next chapter by the middle of next week. See you space cowboy… 

**Jutsu list:**

**Kitsune Youjutsu: Kitsune-gen (Fox Magic: Fox Illusion) - One of the kitsune's specialty to create a illusion that looks so real **

**Oiroke no Jutsu (Sexy no Jutsu)**

**Henge no Jutsu (Transformation Technique)**

**Kitsune Youjutsu: Kitsune-bi (Fox Magic: Fox Fire) - See chapter 2**

**Kitsune Youjutsu: Yumehatsugen (Fox Magic: Dream Manifistation) – Allows a person to enter dreams**

**Shintenshin no Jutsu (Mind Body Switch Technique)**

**Kawarami no Jutsu (Replacement Technique)**

**Konohagakure Hiden: Taijutsu no Ougi: Sennen Goroshi (Konohagakure Hidden Secret: Taijutsu Secret Technique: Thousand Years of Death)**

**Magen: Narakumi no Jutsu (Demonic Illusion: Hell Viewing Technique) **

**Katon: Goukakyuu no Jutsu (Fire Release: Grand Fireball Technique) **

**Doton: Shinjū Zanshu no Jutsu (Inner Decapitation Technique) **

**Futon: Daitappa (Wind Release: Great Breakthrough)**

**Bushin Daibakuha (Clone Great Explosion)**

**Ura Renge (Reverse Lotus)**


	5. Wave, Training, and Stupid Cats

A/N: Here's Chapter 5. I appreciate the reviews I'm getting (especially my regulars) but at the rate this is going I'm seriously deviating away from the original point of the story, so I'll try to add some seriousness (especially the next couple of chapters) while still add humor. So enjoy!

Legend

"…normal..."

"…_thoughts..."_

"…**Kyuubi & Nibi, Jutsu**..."

"…_**Kyuubi thinks**…"_

Disclaimer: No point in asking why I don't own Naruto

* * *

**Chapter 5: Trip to Wave, Zabuza, Proposed Sparring Match and Stupid Cats**

With what just happened, Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke, Tenten, Lee, and Neji decided that whatever just happened they try to forget it altogether. Now for the next two weeks Team Seven (re)learned the torture known as D rank missions. At least for Naruto that he can take the torture out on training. So far he managed to increase his abilities (if this was a RPG lets say he leveled a bit), nearly mastered **Kitsune-bi** to the point that it can be used as a decent defense, at least managed three three-handed **Rasengan** and trying to perfect his control on the standard one hand, increase his chakra weights to 150 lbs., and can at least perform one of each of his Jonin level techniques. However **Yumehatsugen **was tough as hell considering that he can only do it at night and he had no idea how to separate soul from body. His chakra control isn't any better considering the fact that he done tree climbing before but at least he's able to climb a tree top-to-bottom, And even though he had more chakra than he originally had when he was 12 there's no way to utilize the **Kage Bushin** training to the fullest.

Kyuubi though was having fun as Naruto summoned her for her sex spree and with a **Henge** on (disguising her as some celestial being) most of Konoha's bachelors (most notably Iruka, Asuma, and Genma) would refer to her as Cloud Nine (take a guess why). And because of her wild sex they won't be awake for some time. Unfortunately for the readers Kyuubi won't sleep with Naruto considering that even though he's technically 22 he's still have the body of a 12 year old and refused to be branded as a pedophiliac.

And Naruto finally got his blade (a slightly shorter katana with an inscription of a fox with the words Kage Kitsune (actually it's the kanji 影の孤 but it's roughly the same) etched on the blade. And upholding his promise he made to Tenten they had their sparring match.

"Alright, what are the rules?" said Naruto.

"One-hit match (get hit once and you lose), any style, and no time limit." said Tenten.

"Alright, as soon as the sun appears out of that cloud start."

Naruto took a battou-jutsu stance while with her Kagetsugi (Shadow Stage, it has one more stage before perfection) she took a simple kendo stance (use any one considering I know jack squat about kendo). As soon as the sun appeared Tenten charged and gone with a overhead cut (I'm only familiar with RK sword styles and I'm trying not to go with the usual Mitsurugi) but Naruto dodged it and countered with the 'one-strike kill'. Tenten dodged and countered with a side kick which Naruto avoided and stepped back. Naruto tried a thrust attack which Tenten dodged to the left. However Naruto turned his thrust into a side sweep which he used the blunt edge to trip Tenten. She fell to the ground and Naruto pointed his blade at her.

"Game, set, match." said Naruto as he helped her up.

"Good match, a little unrefined, but good. Whenever you want to spar, tell me." said Tenten.

And so we fast-forward to the day when the Wave Country arc starts.

"What's the distance to the target?" said Kakashi

"Five meters, I'm ready." said Sasuke.

"Same here." said Sakura and Naruto.

"Go." said Kakashi

The three lunged at a cat with a ribbon, Naruto catches it.

"Got you, stupid cat, OW!"

"A cat with a ribbon, its Tora the cat." said Sasuke.

"Mission accomplished." said Kakashi.

"OW, YOU STUPID CAT!"

At the Hokage tower…

"Oh, my Tora-chan. I was so worried." said the Daimyo's wife while the cat struggles.

"_Goddamn cat." thought Naruto._

"Now, Team Seven. You have a choice of picking potatoes, taking care of Kiryu-sama's triplets, shopping…" said Sarutobi

"NO WAY. I refused to do anymore of these D rank missions until we get a better one." interrupted Naruto, reviving his hatred of D ranks.

"_How annoying."_ thought Sakura.

"_The dobe's right."_ thought Sasuke

"_About time he's complaining."_ thought Kakashi.

"Idiot! You're just beginning Genin, you start with grunt work and work your way up!" yelled Iruka.

"And why is it that we get the crappiest jobs!"

Kakashi whacks Naruto's head. "Calm down."

"Listen, the village…" Sarutobi rambles on village requests and ranked missions. "…and that's why these missions are perfect for you."

"That's still no reason why we end up doing these damn D ranks. Hell, I bet you have to catch cats when you were Genin."

"...now that you think about it…" said Kakashi, Iruka, Sarutobi, and Kyuubi.

Iruka's Flashback…

"GET BACK HERE YOU STUPID CAT!" said Genin Iruka as he chased it around Konoha. "YOU FUCKING SCRATCHED ME! AND YOU ATE MY RAMEN!"

Kakashi's Flashback…

"Um Kakashi, you really should calm down." said Rin.

"Yeah, he's just a cat." said Obito.

"FUCK THAT! HE ATE MY BROILED SAURY! AND HE LEFT A PRESENT IN MY SHOES!" said Enraged Kakashi.

Sarutobi's Flashback…

"DIE FUCKING CAT!" Sarutobi roared while holding a board with a nail sticking out of it. "THIS IS FOR MAKING ME CATCH YOU AND GETTING ME BEAT UP BY HOT GIRLS!"

Kyuubi's Flashback…

"**NIBI!!!"** Kyuubi yelled to her friend Nibi (black hair, cat ears, two tails, amber eyes with slits, well developed body, fair skin, and wearing same clothes as Kyuubi)

"**What is it?"** said Nibi

"**WHERE'S THE FUCK IS KORIN?!"**

"**What did he do this time?"**

"**IF YOU SEE HIM, TELL HIM THE NEXT TIME I FIND HIM I'M MAKING SOUP OUT OF HIM WITH THIS FUCKING SOUP SHIELD I BOUGHT OFF THAT** **FUCKING KID!"** (A/N: Reference to File 02 of my other story)

End Flashbacks…

Kyuubi, Sarutobi, Kakashi, and Iruka all had looks of murder in their eyes.

"_I.HATE.CATS."_ they simultaneously thought.

"What's with the looks on your faces?" inquired Naruto.

"Nevermind. Alright, I'll allow Team 7 to go on a C rank mission. Bring in the client." said Sarutobi. Some Chunin opens the door to reveal none other than Tazuna.

"Is this the team that's supposed to protect me? They're nothing but snot-nosed brats." slurred Tazuna. The trio glared at him.

"Meet up at the East Gate in a hour." sighed Kakashi.

At Naruto's apartment…

"_Let's see, ramen. Check. Summoning scroll. Check. Gama-chan. Check.  
Super Sake. Check."_

"**What's the sake for?"**

"_Remember the Demon Bros.?"_

"**Uh, okay."** Kyuubi said not bothering asking further.

An hour later…

"Wave Country, here we come!" yelled Naruto while pulling up a farce.

"Dobe, do you know where Wave Country is?" said Sasuke.

"Um…no." Naruto lied.

"Okay time for a lesson." said Kakashi. While he rambles on the geography Naruto plans out how to approach Zabuza.

"_Got any ideas furball?"_

"**Nope, might as well go with make-sure-Zabuza-and-Haku-don't-die plan. I'll leave up to you on how to approach it, and remember Sasuke doesn't die."**

"_Great, just how to pull it off is the question." _

Kakashi has finished his lesson and is passing a familiar puddle which he noticed.

"Hang on." Naruto said as he approach said puddle and pulls out said super sake from his scroll.

"Hey kid, you're too young to drink." said Tazuna.

"First of all, I'm not drinking this. And second, this is Super Sake EX (his title). This stuff is strong enough to knock out a fully grown bull elephant." he said as he pours half a bottle of the stuff in the puddle. "And before you ask there's hasn't been rain in months and this puddle are shinobi."

"Perceptive, is he." said Sakura.

"He's right though, you don't see enemy shinobi on C ranks and even low ranked Missing-nin like the now drunk Demon Bros. are found only on B ranks and above. Tazuna, will you explain why you lied." said Kakashi.

Basically everything fron this point up to Zabuza's appearance is quoted in the anime/manga so there's no point in writing other than…

"Anybody up for rabbit stew?" said Naruto, which resulted in him getting whacked by Sakura and getting laughed at Kyuubi.

So we'll jump to Zabuza's appearance.

"Well well well. If it isn't Zabuza, Missing-nin of the Hidden Mist." said Kakashi.

"And you must be Kakashi, Copycat Ninja of the Hidden Leaf." said Zabuza.

"Like I care, I just want to…" Naruto said while referring to last time.

"Stand down Naruto, he's out of your level." stated Kakashi. "I think it's about time I brought out this." And so he brought out his Sharingan. "Everyone, form the manji formation."

"_No way, the sharingan?"_ thought Sasuke. _"He can't be an Uchiha."_

"_What's with the eye?"_ thought Sakura.

"_Haven't saw that in a while, hell, I'm still amazed by his Mangekyo Sharingan."_ thought Naruto.

"So, that's the sharingan. I'm so honored to see it. Now, let's end the talking. I do have to kill you all." said Zabuza as he with his zanbatou jumped and landed on top of the water and performed a jutsu.

"**Kirigakure no Jutsu."** he said as a thick mist surrounded the battlefield.

"He'll come for me first and they didn't call him the master of the silent kill for nothing. My sharingan isn't perfect so be careful." said Kakashi.

"Damn, the mist is getting thicker." said Sakura.

"Heart, lungs, neck, so many parts to hack off." said Zabuza while Kakashi performed a quick jutsu.

"_So this is a Jonin fight, it's so intense that every drop of my life force is being sucked_ _away. This fight…I can't take it anymore."_ Sasuke thought as he was ready to kill himself.

"Don't worry Sasuke, Kakashi won't let anything happen to us." reassured Naruto.

"He's right, I'll protect you guys with my life." smiled Kakashi.

"How noble." said Zabuza as he appeared in the middle of the Genin and Tazuna ready to strike. As he was about to strike Kakashi rushed in and stabbed Zabuza to only reveal a **Mizu Bushin**.

"Behind you!" yelled Naruto. Zabuza struck Kakashi to only reveal that he made a **Mizu Bushin **also.

"Don't move or else you'll lose your neck." said Kakashi as he points a kunai at his neck. "It's over."

"Hehehehehe. Not likely." Zabuza smiled. "Impressive, copying my **Mizu Bushin no****Jutsu** as you was spouting that righteous crap. Your clone said that while you were hiding, waiting for the right moment to take me out. Impressive…but…you fell right in my trap." Another Zabuza appeared right next to Kakashi. Zabuza was about to perform **Suiro no Jutsu** when…

"I won't let that happen. **Katon: Karyuu Endan**." Naruto yelled while exhaling the fire dragon missile. Zabuza watched as a fire dragon approach him.

"S the brat knows some high level techniques. Impressive, but that won't work on me." he said as both Zabuza and Kakashi dodged the fire dragon.

"Oh really, look behind you." Naruto smirked with his foxy grin.

Zabuza looks behind him to find **Kitsune-bi** charging right at him. He tried dodging but it kept chasing right at him.

"_Not bad Naruto, now lure him right over here."_ thought Kakashi. Naruto manipulated the flames to chase around Zabuza till eventually Zabuza was led to the part of the lake that Kakashi was on.

"Well Zabuza, shall we finish this?"

"_Damn brat, he's smart even though he's a blond idiot." _"Might as well." Zabuza said as both of them perform numerous hand seals.

**Suiton: Suiryudan**

Both of them summoned a powerful water dragon that battled against each other and canceled each other, resulting in a gigantic wave that covered the field. In the mist of the resulting crash both of them came at each other and struck with their weapons.

"Just how did you do that?"

"With the sharingan, I can copy anything."

They both stepped back and performed the same seal as each other.

"What?"

He sees Kakashi doing the same thing as him.

"How can you do that, does your sharingan can predict the future?"

"It can, and it's time I finished it."

"Huh." And Zabuza sees an illusion of himself behind Kakashi. However before he can think…

**Suiton: Daibakufu no Jutsu**

Kakashi summoned out a huge surge of water aimed for Zabuza which hits him and sends him flying to a tree. "Zabuza, time to die." However before Kakashi can perform the finishing blow two senbon needles pierced the sides of Zabuza's neck and he fell. All of them saw where they came from to reveal a hunter-nin.

"Thank you for taking care of Zabuza for me." said the hunter-nin known as Haku as he took Zabuza's body and disappeared.

"Hmm. That boy…" Kakashi said as he collapsed.

"Kakashi-sensei!" they said but before they can reach him Naruto collapsed as well.

* * *

A/N: I end it here for now. Next chapter I'll reveal pieces of Naruto during the Konoha/Oto War and get into detail of the deaths of some of the Konoha 11 a la dream sequence. Until then, see you space cowboy… 

**Jutsu list:**

**Kitsune Youjutsu: Kitsune-bi (Fox Magic: Fox Fire) – see Chapter 2**

**Kitsune Youjutsu: Yumehatsugen ( Fox Magic: Dream Manifistation) – see Chapter 4**

**Rasengan (Spiraling Sphere)**

**Kage Bushin no Jutsu (Shadow Clone Technique)**

**Henge no Jutsu (Transformation Technique)**

**Kirigakure no Jutsu (Hidden Mist Technique)**

**Mizu Bushin no Jutsu (Water Clone Technique)**

**Suiro no Jutsu (Water Prison Technique)**

**Katon: Karyuu Endan (Fire Release: Fire Dragon Flame Missle)**

**Suiton: Daibakufu no Jutsu (Water Release: Great Waterfall Technique)**


	6. Training, Nightmare, and Bridge Fight

A/N: Chapter Six, enjoy!

Legend

"…normal..."

"…_thoughts..."_

"…**Kyuubi & Inner Sakura talks/Jutsu**..."

"…_**Kyuubi thinks**…"_

* * *

Chapter 6: Training, A Nightmare, and Fight On the Bridge

"_Dude where am I?"_ thought Naruto as he walks in an endless space of darkness. He keeps walking until he sees a classroom. In the room he sees everyone he has ever met in his life, all cheerful and alive. Cheering he approaches them but when he gets closer he sees a horrible sight that no one in his case should see twice in his life. He sees Ino and Tenten with blades struck through their chest, blood flowing freely from their chest. Shikamaru and Choji were struck with numerous shurikens and kunais and Shikamaru had his eye ruptured with the gooey gray eye fluid dripping on the floor. Neji, Shino, and Kiba couldn't be considered them since their bodies were either mangled or burned beyond recognition. Lee and Gai had their chest exploded because of opening the eight gates and he got a glimpse of their insides. However it was nothing compared to the sight in front of him. It was Sakura, all brutally mangled; her head split open like a melon with parts of her body rip to shreds. And he sees the bodies of everyone else lying on the floor

with blood and guts spilt all over the place. (A/N: Anybody who read Battle Royale should be familiar the scene above)

"Stop this! Stop making me see all this!" Naruto yelled trying to forget all this.

Unfortunately came the coup de grace as he sees the mutilated bodies of Hinata and Sasuke with a figure hovering over them. Said figure turned around to reveal none other than…

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Naruto woke up with a sweat. He breathed heavily as he recollected what he dreamt. He then decided to ask Kyuubi for answers.

"**Well now, you have what we psychologist call Post Traumatic Stress Disorder."** said Kyuubi in a female version of Sigmund Freud. Hell, she was speaking in a genuine Austrian accent. **"Either that or some other psychological condition. Our author still can't grasp psychology that well considering he watched Eva."**

"_What the hell does that mean?"_ inquired Naruto.

In her normal accent, **"It means don't worry about it. It was just a nightmare caused by what you experienced over the years. Just promise me you won't get tortured by it. That's my job."**

Choosing to ignore that last comment he decided to clean up a bit and head downstairs to the kitchen where he sees Kakashi reading Icha Icha Paradise and Tsunami cleaning some dishes.

"Ah, you're up sleepyhead." said a cheering Tsunami.

"Yeah, how long was I out?" said Naruto.

"About 2 days." said Kakashi while still looking at his book. "Naruto, after you eat, we need to talk."

After he ate, he and Kakashi walked to a clearing in the woods.

"What is it you need to talk to me about Kakashi-sensei?"

"Since the test I gave to you, Sakura, and Sasuke, I've been wondering where'd you learn a demon technique like **Fox Fire**. And not only that but you also learned a kage level technique that only a few people knows. Now tell me, who's teaching you?" said Kakashi.

"Huh? Um…can you keep a secret? (Kakashi nodded) Alright, remember the fox that was sealed in my belly? (Kakashi nodded), well she's the one that's teaching me." he half lied.

"Hmm, is it wise to receive training from someone like Kyuubi no Kitsune?"

"It's alright, she's under control and she's the closest friend I got even though she's a furball." (**"Aww, he likes me."**)

"Alright, I'll trust your judgment. But when we get back to Konoha, you're going to tell Hokage-sama."

"Alright, if you don't mind I like to do some solo training. And Give these to Sakura and Sasuke." He hands Kakashi two scrolls.

Okay, by the way, why you refer to Kyuubi as she?"

"She's female, why?"

"Nothing, I always pictured the fox as male."

There's a long silence. _"Oh. Hell. No."_

And pretty soon came a burst of red chakra, a really erotic **Haremu no Jutsu**, and one really unconscious Kakashi.

For the next few days Team Seven has done their training exercises, Naruto trying to work on the one-handed **Rasengan** while walking on water. As with **Kitsune Youjutsu: Yumehatsugen**, he managed to separate his soul from body for a brief while but he can't hold it up for a while and he's nowhere near entering dreams.

Sasuke mastered tree walking and was now working on the jutsu Naruto gave him on the scroll. The technique on the scroll is the **Katon: Karyuu Endan** which Sasuke is having trouble due to his current chakra capacity. However Sasuke will keep trying because he refuse to be behind the dobe in abilities.

Sakura, who already climbed to the top of a tree already, is currently reading The Complete Idiot's Guide to Basic Medical Jutsu, which she once again pummeled Naruto for indirectly calling her an idiot. Like the Sakura before Naruto went back in time she was really into reading the scroll and decided that when she gets back to Konoha she would research more into medical jutsu in the library.

However the one defining point in their scroll is the advice that Naruto wrote on there.

Sasuke: These are techniques that are only used to protect the people you care about and should never be used out of revenge. And also if you want power you must earn it by working for it. I don't give a damn if you're the last Uchiha, getting power by letting others hand it to you proves you're fucking weak. If you cannot grasp the concept of hard work, then you're just a foolish idiot.

Sakura: The defining trait that separates some regular kunoichi from the great ones like Tsunade is how they prove that they can protect the ones they truly care for. Also you must learn to defend not only yourself but also others so that others won't treat you as weak. By the way, see others for who they are and not what you see on the outside, you'll learn lots that way.

"Hey Sasuke, have you noticed how Naruto changed ?"

"Don't care, I just want to get stronger." he said, leaving Sakura in the dust. Sakura decided to take heed on Naruto's advice and went to train herself.

Now we'll jump to the day Naruto (re)meets Haku.

Feeling tired Naruto decided to take a nap for a while. While in dreamland (he's the Ramenkage in this one) a familiar boy (Haku) in a kimono approached Naruto, remembering him from the fight with Zabuza. When Haku stops at Naruto's side he tries

To grips his neck but instead wakes him up.

"You know, you'll catch a cold if you sleep here."

"Huh?" Naruto said sleepily. "Damn, must have overslept. Hmm, why are you out this early?"

"I'm picking herbs for medicine, tell me. Why are you out this early?"

"Training, I gotta train to get stronger."

"Hmm, tell me. Do you have someone who's important to you?"

"I do, only it's not just one person but a whole group of people. I made a promise to myself that I will protect them the best I can. I never go back on my promise for that's my own nindo." he said followed by the nice guy pose minus the proverbial ping.

"_This kid, he's a lot more interesting than I thought. It's too bad that he's in our way." _

"Well, I better be going. I forgot to introduce myself, I'm Haku."

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage."

Haku chuckled at that last remark. "Oh, by the way. I'm not interested in pre-pubescent boys."

"_No shit, you're a guy."_

The night before Zabuza's (re)reappearance (pointless to write the Kaiza story)…

"Has anybody seen Naruto?" said Kakashi.

"Dunno, the dobe probably got himself killed." Sasuke said.

"Who's the dobe that got himself killed teme?" said Naruto loudly with a vein sticking out the back of his head. He heads over the table to sit down only to fall asleep for a while until he hears…

"I don't see the point of you guys trying so hard. In the end Gato's men will tear you apart. No matter what stupid noble claims or whatever hard training you get when you face the strong they live while the weak die." yelled Inari. Everyone is shocked by the moral outburst except a certain blond.

"Like I care, there's no way I'm like you."

"Why should I be like you?! You know nothing of this country and yet you still poke your damn nose in our affairs! Also you know nothing of me! I'm different from you, you act all cheerful and always mess around and yet you don't understand how hard life can be!"

There's a strong silence after that sppech which Naruto responds with…

"Kid, let me tell you something. You have no idea how hard life really is. You're just a stupid brat who cries all day and talks how pointless everything is. While you still have both your mother and grandfather I have to live for myself living on nothing but stupid ramen (_forgive me Ramen God!_) and at the same time running from everyone who thought I was something I wasn't." he yelled while showing an angry look. "If you want to prove something, get off your crying ass and show that you can do it. Otherwise you're nothing but a crying sissy!"

Now everyone is completely stunned by Naruto's rage.

"Naruto, you said enough." Sakura said.

After he registers what he just said, "I'm sorry, I'm going to cool off for a bit." He heads outside to think for a while. After 20 minutes Inari steps out. He sees him.

"Sorry about that, it's just when you said that it triggered something I don't always show." Naruto apologized.

"Tell me, what drives you to do something like this for us." asked Inari.

"It's because if I don't help then it shows how coldhearted I am and a future Hokage cannot abandon those in need even if I have to risk my life in the process."

"You're willing to risk your life for it?"

"Yup, I may be crazy and I do have voices in my head that I really wished they go away (Kyuubi will retaliate later) but it's something I'm willing to do."

"…" was Inari's response.

Naruto stands up. "And remember this; if you truly care for something you must protect them with both your hands. (He wobbles a bit) Woo, a little tired there, I'm going to bed."

In the corners, Kakashi smiled. (A/N: Okay, that was probably cheesy and crappy so I'm extending this chapter up to the end of Wave Country. Just a little treat for the reviews, hits, and my writer's block for this section.)

That morning Kakashi, Sakura, and Sasuke were to escort Tazuna to the bridge. Naruto slept in like last time but a little longer than usual.

"Mmm." Naruto stirred, he immediately shot up. "Fuck! I slept in again! (He realized something) Shit, I forgot what today is!"

Outside…

"Leave my mom alone!" yelled Inari as he charged at them.

"Cut him." said the guy with the beanie. Both of them charged for a dual strike while Tsunami screamed. However what they cut through was a log. Before they realized that what they cut was a log, two Naruto kage bunshins knocked them out.

"Damn, almost got Inari sliced up." Naruto thought as he reappears besides the fainted Tsunami with Inari. After one moment…

"Naruto, ano…" asked Inari.

"Don't worry about it. Do me a favor and holds the fort here while I head off to the bridge 'kay?" Naruto interrupted as he runs off to the bridge in his pajamas.

"…thank you." replied Inari.

Meanwhile on the bridge Sasuke was duking it out with Haku one-on-one, Kakashi was trying to figure out where's Zabuza is, and Sakura was trying to find out what's happening in the heavy mist. Haku rushed in but Sasuke was faster and kicked him back.

"Heh, looks like I have the advantage in speed." smirked Sasuke. Zabuza pulled out a fake shocked look while Kakashi smirked.

"Don't underestimate my team. We have Sasuke who's the #1 rookie in Konoha, Sakura is the brightest (Sakura blushed while Inner Sakura proudly said "**Shannaro**."), and there's the #1 most unpredictable loudmouth blond idiot ("Achoo.")."

"Hehehehehehe. Haku, I thiks it's about time to end this." said Zabuza.

"Right Zabuza." Haku let out an icy cold aura while forming a hand seal. "**Makyo Hyo** **Sho**."

Fairly soon ice mirrors start forming from the water on the bridge and surround the space around Sasuke. Haku then merges with one of the mirrors. Sasuke is shocked when he sees this and soon all the mirrors have Haku's image.

"_They're like mirrors. Just what's he's going to do?"_

"Damn it." said Kakashi as he's running towards the ice prison to only be stopped by Zabuza.

"Sorry Kakashi, but you're my opponent. Now that Haku's ice mirrors are out that brat is as good as dead."

"Lets begin." echoed Haku. In a flash of light he zoomed past Sasuke, struck him and merged with another mirror. Haku repeated the process over and over. Sasuke could only cover himself and scream in pain until…

"Time for me to shine." Naruto yelled while charging a blue orb with a clone. "**Rasengan**."

He slammed the sphere where Haku is and cracked it. For a brief while the sphere hit Haku which propelled him to the ground. Naruto however didn't plan his landing so…

"Oh shit!" he yelled before he hit the ground and bounced outside.

"What was that?" thought Sasuke and Sakura.

"The brat knows interesting techniques." thought Zabuza.

"Where did Naruto learned the late Yondaime's technique?" thought Kakashi.

"Ow, I should have planned my landing better." Naruto complained while clutching his head. He takes a look at Haku. "Guess I overdid it a little." Everyone face-faulted.

"Dobe, why are you in your pajamas?" Sasuke inquired.

"No time to dress teme. Now where's Zabuza?" said Naruto. He points to where he is but…

"How pathetic Zabuza, once again you failed to kill a few brats and a shinobi." They looked at the edge of the bridge to see Gato with all his men. Basically he talks about his policy about hiring missing-nins with the added jab at Haku.

"It's too bad he's a boy. From his looks he would make one good fuck."

And soon the killer intent emanated from Zabuza and Naruto. Zabuza charged at Gato, swatting the men with his sword. Unfortunately they all attacked him and Zabuza was forced to lose his arms and his zanbatou.

"Zabuza, here." Naruto said as he tossed his blade. Zabuza grabbed it with his mouth and rushed in to Gato and struck his chest.

"Gato, I don't plan to go to heaven or whatever afterlife that's boring."

"What?" He coughed up blood.

"You see, I plan to send both of us straight to Hell. Even the demon of the mist can die and become a real demon. This will be fun and we'll have plenty of time whether I'm a cute devil or not."

Zabuza pulled out the blade and swung at Gato's head with his chakra taking the appearance of a real demon, slicing it off cleanly while the head flies straight into the crowd. Zabuza falls. The rest of Gato's thugs decided that since they're not going to get paid, they instead will raid the village, kill everyone they see, and burn it to the ground. However Kakashi and Naruto each made 50 kage bunshins. The thugs took a look at what they're going to face and stepped back. Then an arrow flew in front of them, shot by Inari and everyone in the village armed to the core with pitchforks, kitchen knives, and other forms of weaponry. In fear the thugs pushed and shoved into the water to get away. While everyone cheered Naruto went over to Haku and woke him up.

"Ugh…where's Zabuza?" Haku asked. Naruto points in the direction of Zabuza. "Oh no, Zabuza!" He rushed over to his side.

"Haku…it looks like my time is near. This is my last request. I want you to go and live your life to the fullest."

"But…"

"Don't worry. (he coughed) Tell blondie over there to take care of you. He looks like a good kid so there are no worries about you being harmed. I'll see you in the afterlife. Goodbye" Zabuza said his last words and became lifeless. Haku cried as the surrounding area snowed.

A little later Team Seven and Haku buried Zabuza and his sword at an undisclosed location. Naruto made a few hand seals to seal off the area so that only they can enter until they die and then the area will be sealed off beyond the end of time.

About a week has passed and the quintet walked across the completed bridge which Tazuna would call it the Great Naruto Bridge but Tsunami instead called it the Great Uzumaki Bridge so the honor won't go to Naruto's head. As they are walking…

"Yo Haku?"

"Hn?"

"Once we go to Konoha, what are you going to do?"

"Well, since I'm not listed in the bingo book I'll ask your Hokage if I can be enlisted as a Konoha ninja."

"Okay, and where are you going to stay?"

"How 'bout your place?"

"Why?"

Repeating Zabuza's words Naruto grinned. They decided to stay at a hot spring since Konoha is still a day away and night is falling. A little later…

"Ah, this is the life." Sakura relaxed when she sees Haku entering the spring which resulted in Sakura screaming. Naruto and Sasuke from the other side ran over to the girl's side not knowing what's going to happen.

"Sakura, what's…" both of them paused to see where they ran into and took a look at Haku.

"HOLY SHIT! SHE'S A GIRL!" Naruto yelled.

"HOLY FUCKING HELLFIRE! THE BASTARD IS ACTUALLY A BITCH!" Sasuke yelled.

Unfortunately before they realized what they said and done both Haku and Sakura punched both of them straight in the air, complete with the ding.

"_So Haku's a girl."_ thought Kakashi in the shadows. _"Her body's not bad,, although I wonder where those tow landed." _

Said two were found in a steaming crater just outside the hospital in Konoha.

* * *

A/N: And I'm done. Now excuse me, I got FFXII to play. See you again space cowboy… 

**Jutsu list:**

**Haremu no Jutsu (Harem Technique) **

**Kage Bunshin no Jutsu (Shadow Clone Technique)**

**Rasengan (Spiraling Sphere)**

**Kitsune Youjutsu: Yumehatsugen (Fox Magic: Dream Manifistation) – See chapter 4**

**Katon: Karyuu Endan (Fire Release: Fire Dragon Flame Missile)**

**Kitsune Youjutsu: Kitsune-bi (Fox Magic: Fox Fire) - See chapter 2**

**Makyo Hyo Sho (Demonic Ice Mirrors)**


	7. Filler Chapter: Missions

A/N: Yeah! 22 reviews for my last chapter! I am so loved. Well here's chapter 6, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto period.

Legend

"…normal..."

"…_thoughts..."_

"…**Kyuubi & Inner Sakura,Ino,Tenten,Hinata talks/Jutsu**..."

"…_**Kyuubi thinks**…"_

* * *

**Chapter Seven: Missions/Filler Chapter**

Kakashi, Sakura, and the now female Haku have finally reached Konoha.

"Alright, I'm going to take Haku with me to Hokage-sama. Sakura, you're going to find Naruto and Sasuke. They're rumors that they're in the hospital. And remind Naruto he needs to talk to Hokage-sama." Kakashi said as both him and Haku disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

At the hospital Sakura went to the front desk.

"Hi, I'm looking for Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke." replied Sakura.

"Third floor, left wing, room 316." said the nurse.

"Thank you." The nurse gives her a helmet.

"What's this for?"

"Believe me; you'll going to need it."

Sakura heads up to the third floor to their room. She opens the door to see Naruto on top of his drapes throwing whatever he can grab.

"Get away! I don't want a shot!" said Naruto.

"Get down Uzumaki-san. We're not going to give you a shot." said one of the nurses.

"That was what the other nurse said and she stuck one on my ass!"

"Sasuke-san, get your ass in bed or else we'll tie you down." said another nurse.

"Screw you, I need to train." Sasuke said before he was knocked out by a nurse and tied to the bed.

"Damn boys." said Sakura as she took cover under an overturned bed.

At the Hokage Tower…

"So you want to be a shinobi of Konoha?" inquired Sarutobi.

"Yes." said Haku.

"Interesting. Tell me Kakashi, how would you rate her in terms of abilities?"

"She would be at least high level Chunin bordering Jonin. Also she has extensive knowledge of human anatomy and medicine considering she was a former hunter-nin of Kirigakure." said Kakashi.

"Well then. Can you tell me your name Miss?" questioned Sarutobi.

"My name's Haku Mayuki (Ma pure, yuki snow)" replied Haku.

"Alright Miss Mayuki, I'll enlist you as a Jonin medic-nin. And if you want to join the hunter-nins, we can make arrangements."

"Thank you."

"Now, we need to make your living arrangements."

"That's not a problem, I'll be staying at Naruto-kun's place.

Back at the hospital Naruto and Sasuke were released, only because Sasuke won't stay put and Naruto got his shot after Kyuubi shoved pictures of Hinata looking innocent yet

in revealing poses after he refused to get his shot and also interrupting her while watching Icha Icha Soap Opera (**"Roderick, no! She's Anna's slutty sister!"**). Sasuke left to brood in his own juces while Naruto went to the Hokage Tower where he told Sarutobi about him and Kyuubi. Sarutobi at first questioned the fact that Naruto's receiving training from the fox and also on good terms but he trusted his judgment. What he didn't count on was that he called Kyuubi a guy so half the floor was covered in blood. (**"New** **rule. Call me a guy and I perform Oiroke. More fun than burning them**")

Considering that Sarutobi will be out for a while Naruto went to look for Haku. On the way out…

"Hey Haku, so how did it go with the old man?"

"As of now I'm officially a Konoha Jonin."

"Alright, say did you take our stuff back with you."

"No, we burned it after you guys invaded our privacy."

"SAY WHAT?! MY SUMMONING SCROLL AND GAMA-CHAN WAS IN THERE!" yelled Naruto.

"Calm down, I was just kidding. I know it wasn't your fault, though I'm not sure about the Uchiha. Anyways Kakashi dropped it off at your place."

They went over to Naruto's apartment to only see it a complete mess (Naruto mess, not Fry mess).

"This is going to take a while." Haku sighed.

For the rest of the afternoon they cleaned up the apartment. After they made it livable and then some Naruto realized…

"Holy shit! I have an extra bedroom and carpet!" yelled Naruto.

"You didn't know?" questioned Haku.

"No, when I got the apartment, it was already a mess. Plus that damn door was stuck so I gave up on opening it."

"Well, since nobody's using it I might as well take it." Haku said as she claimed her new room.

"_Damn, she got the good room." _

And so two weeks has past since then. Sakura, having learned lots in the library decided that if she found this Tsunade person she would ask to be her apprentice.

Somewhere in the middle of Sunagakure (think of a cross between Vegas, Monaco, and some desert city)…

"ACHOO!" sneezed Tsunade. Of course once she did that she scored jackpot in pachinko.

"Yay Tsunade-sama! You won again!" Shizune and Tonton cheered.

"Yeah." said Tsunade._ "Is it just me or am I sensing the apocalypse? Or is it just Jiraiya."_

Somewhere in Grass Country Jiraiya sneezed outside a bath house which resulted in him getting his perverted life shortened even further.

Sasuke managed to perform a decent sized **Karyuu** however in the middle of the second week he started having nightmares (the scary-in-a-scarred-for-life-kind) too scary for him to say.

Naruto finally learned to enter dreams but he won't try it again anytime soon because of what happened above, increased his weights to 250 lbs (A/N: I won't make him muscular-guy-in speedos buff but defined shoulders buff by the third exam, and sorry for the image), managed 3 one-handed Rasengans before the fourth exploded on his face, and working on his **Tatsumaki Homura** on a pile of rats. And once again the bachelors of Konoha were visited by the one and only Tenjin/Tennin (both mean celestial being and I can't tell which one is feminine) which happens to be the horny Kyuubi.

Now we'll jump to the point where the Konoha 12 learn the chaos that is missions.

"Alright, I called all of you to do cross-team missions. Hyuuga Hinata, Kishi Tenten, Yamanaka Ino, and Haruno: you're babysitting Aki-sama triplets. Seems she doesn't trust males as much with her precious girls." said Sarutobi.

"Hai, Hokage-sama." they simultaneously said.

"Inuzuka Kiba and Nara Shikamaru, you're babysitting the twins of the daimyo."

"How troublesome." said Shikamaru bored.

"Any cats involved?" growled Kiba, still remembering her cat.

"No, she's taking that damn cat with her."

"Fine" "Alright." they both said.

"Rock Lee and Aburame Shino. You're pulling a shift for the plumber Kazuki."

"…" …Shino.

"YOSH! THE PIPES OF KONOHA WILL CLEANSE WITH THE FIRES OF YOUTH!" yelled Lee while everyone face-faulted.

"Hyuuga Neji and Akimichi Choji. You're handling the rat infestation in the sewers."

"Fine." said the brooding Hyuuga.

"Do they taste good?" said Choji hungrily and again everyone face-faulted. (A/N: Too much Metal Gear Solid 3. Still fun making Snake eat everything including rats and flying squirrels).

"_I'm so regretting this." _ "And finally Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto. You'll be handed a B-rank…" Sarutobi was cut off.

"Why do they get a B-rank?" everyone except Lee, Neji, and Hinata said.

"They're the only ones capable of doing this. And believe me; you don't want to do this. And also none of this will be mentioned outside this room. You're teaching 2 separate Sex-Ed classes at the academy to the 11 year olds." Sarutobi said. (A/N: Yeah I know they're too young but I needed a good plot for those two)

"……………SAY WHAAAATTTT!" everyone except Lee who rambled on the flames of youth, Neji who still all serious and brooding (can't describe him well), Hinata who well fainted, and Choji who's busy eating barbecue flavored chips.

The next day…

Naruto (disguised as him 18)

"Yo welcome to Sex Ed. I'm your teacher Urunaki Narutoki. And today you'll be learning the difference between a man and a woman." Naruto taught. _"I'm so digging my own fucking grave when I do this." _"Now then (performs **Oiroke no Jutsu**), this is what a woman looks like."

Sasuke (same as Naruto minus curse seal)

"I'm Sanosuke Ukiha. Watch this tape; I'll be back in an hour." Sasuke said when he put the tape in the VCR.

The girls

"Aww, they're like angels." awed the girls.

"Yes they are." said Aki. "They're names are (from wearing red, pink, and yellow) Sayaka, Arumi, and Kaname."

"Hi." the triplets said while the girls awed.

"Now be good for the babysitters. (turns to the girls) And if for some reason one hair on their precious heads are out of place I will personally torture you." said sadistically. They sweatdropped.

When she left Sakura spoke up. "So, what should we do?"

Kiba & Shikamaru

"GET BACK HERE!" roared Kiba as he chased one of the twins (call him Hiro) who stuck his tongue out at him inside the daimyo's mansion. The other twin (Niro) is doing the same to Shikamaru only at a calmer tone.

"GET DOWN HERE YOU FUCKING PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT!" swore Shikamaru.

"Oooh. You said bad words. I'm telling." said Niro.

"WHY KAMI! WHY DON'T YOU FUCKING KILL ME OFF RIGHT NOW!" yelled both Genin.

Mario & Luigi/Lee & Shino

"Pass me the adjustable wrench." said Shino.

"Here you go." said Lee. He takes a look at the bathroom. "This bathroom is full of impurities! I must clean it!"

"You do that." said Shino as he fixed the drain.

Neji and Choji

"So many rats, so little time." Neji said as he **Kaiten** the hell out of the rats. Choji on the other hand…

"For rats they're not bad." munched Choji, barbecuing and eating rats (A/N: Really too much Metal Gear).

"_Shit. I don't know what's worse. Seeing the fatass eat rats or Gai and Lee hugging. For once I seriously need a drink." _thought Neji as he **Hakke Rokujuyon Shou **through the hoards of rats.

The girls

For the next hour the girls played games, drew pictures, well whatever girls do (A/N: I'm a guy. I'll never understand women nor any other male…no offense to the females reading this). However on the third hour…

"Where the hell is she!" yelled both Sakura and Ino.

"Why are you looking for Arumi?" said Hinata with a sleeping Sayaka in her lap.

"That little bitch drew on my picture of Sasuke!" they said showing her a picture of Sasuke with a sharpie mustache with words like boys are yucky.

"**SHANNARO! KILL THE BITCH AND RIP OUT HER GUTS!"** yelled Inner Sakura.

"**I DON'T CARE! STRAP HER DOWN AND SHOW WHY THEY CALL YOU DARK MISTRESS INO!"** yelled Inner Ino.

"Oh my." said Hinata in a combined Kasumi/Hinata tone.

"**HA! Sasuke looks so much better that way. Although he does have a nice ass."** said Inner Hinata.

Meanwhile with Tenten…

"Not bad, you hit the target 18 out of 20 times. You're good." Tenten smiled.

"**TEACH HER! GET FOLLOWERS! GROW AN ARMY UNDER THE NAME OF** **DICTATOR TENTEN!"** yelled Inner Tenten.

Kiba & Shikamaru

Since the twins wore them out (Kiba and Shikamaru have to play ninja in the mansion) they decided to take a nap. Unfortunately it was a bad move with twins and magic marker.

"Hehehehehe. That'll teach them to make us eat spinach." said Hiro.

"And for making us take a bath." said Niro.

Lee and Shino

"There, done." said Shino.

Lee however went overboard and started to clean the whole house, much to the delight of the wife who was way too overworked to clean up the place.

"I better be paid more for doing this." said Shino.

"If I can't vacuum this, then I must clean the dishes. If I can't do that…" rambled Lee while Shino broke out of character and banged his head on the floor.

Naruto/Narutoki

"And that's the difference between a man and a woman. Any questions?" said Narutoki.

"Yeah, can you show us your boobs again?" drooled one of the boys.

"Ugh, just read this." said Narutoki as he handed out copies of Icha Icha Paradise.

"**Man kit, you have one weird way of teaching Sex Ed."** said Kyuubi.

"Oh, do you have another way of teaching?" thought Narutoki.

"**For you just this once."** said Kyuubi as she flashed her chest and Narutoki fainted after one nosebleed. **"Heh, still have it."**

Sasuke/Sanosuke

"Well, learned anything?" said Sanosuke. He sees the boys have fainted and the girls suddenly eyeing him.

"Sanosuke-sama." all the girls looked at Sanosuke with hearts in their eyes.

"_Shit. Like I need more followers of the SFC." thought Sanosuke._

Narutoki again

"Ugh, how long was I out?" said Naruto. He took a look around the room to see it empty and his Icha collection in one neat stack. "Great, somebody took Vol. 12."

"**NOOO! That one had Kaji in a threesome!"** cried Kyuubi. **"I haven't seen a sex scene like that since me and Nibi read Icha Icha Tactics Vol. 3 together!"**

"_Jeez, do you read my stash while I'm sleeping? Where are my clothes?"_ questioned Narutoki.

"Oh, as of now you have a fan club."

"_Damn. Kami, God, Allah, Moses, Joseph Smith, Krishna, Jesus, Buddha, Lao Tsu,__Muhammad, Sea Man. Kill me now! Hehe, semen."_ Naruto laughed.

"**That was a good episode of South Park."**

"_I agree."_

At the end of the day…

"Well, how was it?" Sarutobi inquired.

"I have a fan club now." sighed Naruto.

"I have new members of the fan club." sighed Sasuke.

"I hate kids." scowled Sakura.

"Same here." agreed Ino.

"Ano…" said Hinata shyly.

"She'll be one hell of a kunoichi when she grows up." Tenten cheered.

Kiba and Shikamaru just scowled.

"Mission complete." said Shino.

"MMPF!" Lee muffled all tied up with duct tape over his mouth.

"Rats taste decent." said Choji as everyone stepped 3 feet away from Chojni.

"Kami, God, Allah, Moses, Joseph Smith, Krishna, Jesus, Buddha, Lao Tsu, Muhammad, Sea Man. Kill me now!" said Neji.

Sarutobi sighed.

A few days later…

"Damn, Kakashi better have a better mission for us." complained Naruto.

"Anything but babysitting." said Sakura.

"Better than Sex Ed." said Sasuke.

A few hours later…

"Sorry I'm late but someone sneezed outside my apartment and I have to stay inside for a few hours." lied Kakashi.

"YEAH RIGHT!" yelled both Naruto and Sakura.

"You better have a good mission for us." glared Sasuke.

"I do." said Kakashi. "Bulk up, we're heading north to Yukigakure."

* * *

A/N: And I'm done. See you again space cowboy…

**Jutsu List**

**Oiroke no Jutsu (Sexy Technique)**

**Katon: Karyuu Endan (Fire Release: Fire Dragon Flame Missile)**

**Rasengan (Spiraling Sphere)**

**Kafuton:Tatsumaki Homura (Fire and Wind Release: Tornado Flame) – see chapter 1**

**Hakkesho Kaiten (Eight Trigrams Heavenly Spin) **

**Hakke Rokujuyon Shou (Eight Trigrams Sixty-Four Palms)**


	8. Snow and the Kazama

A/N: Okay this came a lot sooner than expected but then the last chapter was a filler and plus I do want to get to the Chunin Exams (my blood is absolutely boiling in excitement). Alright, I'm still undecided between a Naruto/Kyuubi and Naruto/Haku pairing but I'm definitely won't go with either Hinata or Sakura (way too overused and plus the first two are much more fun to write) or a harem (have no idea to start or end one). Also I have a plan for the 10th Akatsuki member (definitely female and not Kamatari) and Nemuri (I neglected the fact that her eyes look black but they're actually a really dark brown). And if you're wondering, Yoko won't make an appearance until the Tsunade arc (or so I say) so stop it with the angry mob. Everything else I won't reveal unless I'm generous or it's required. And as usual thanks for the reviews and enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto but I do own Nemuri, Satsuki, and Koyuki

Legend

"…normal..."

"…_thoughts..."_

"…**Kyuubi & Inner Sakura talks/Jutsu**..."

"…_**Kyuubi thinks**…"_

**Chapter 8: Snow and the Kazama**

"What's the mission?" asked Sasuke.

"We and Haku are going to stop an uprising involving the brother of the previous leader of their village. He and his barbaric gang are trying to bring Snow Country back into darkness like it was 10 years ago. Normally an A-rank mission like this should fall under ANBU but right now we don't have that luxury." stated Kakashi.

"Don't we usually have a backup team for this mission?" said Sakura.

"Unfortunately the other teams are on missions. Besides I'm confident that you guys and Haku will do fine. Now today pack up and meet up the North gate at 0700 hour tomorrow and dismissed." Kakashi said and he disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

At Nemuri's House of Style…

"Yo Nemuri, are you … (trips and falls flat on his face)…OW!" pained Naruto.

"Naruto, are you okay?" said Sakura.

"Dobe, you should watch where you're going." said Sasuke.

"Shut it teme." growled Naruto.

"ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ." from below. They look down to see Nemuri sleeping like a log.

"Is it okay for her to sleep like that, especially since she's probably the owner?" said a concerned Sakura.

"Don't worry, she may be narcoleptic but I never seen her get attacked and robbing her is out of the question because the register is sealed and only responds to her chakra signature." reassured Naruto as he gets up. "Yo Nemuri-neechan (did I do this right?), wake up."

"Huh? Oh it's you Naruto-kun. So, need anything new?" yawned Nemuri.

"I still don't think it's safe for you to sleep all defenseless like that." concerned Sakura.

"Hmm, you're a Haruno right?" said Nemuri. Sakura nodded. "Tell your father that if he has the chance I like to go out drinking again. And don't worry, I'm a Jonin on hiatus and so far the worst thing that has happened when I was sleeping was when one of my teammates tripped over me.

"Pathetic." said Sasuke.

Nemuri narrowed her eyes. "An Uchiha huh? The only good ones I knew were your mother, the rest were stuck-up bastards. _Except for a certain person_."

"Don't mock the legacy of my clan."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. At least you're as sane as they come. Most Uchihas are power-hungry sons of bitches or just plain insane."

Sasuke glared.

"Looks good on you. Now what do you need?"

They each picked up some cloaks, scarves, and gloves and then some. Naruto replaced the clothes that his fan club stole. ("HAHAHAHAHA! You got your clothes jacked while teaching Sex Ed!" **"Found your shirt on nBay. Wow, 20,000 ryou and still going."**). Sakura like practically any girl gone crazy over clothes, and Sasuke just hned and stuck with the same pairs of clothes he wears.

"Thanks and tell people about my shop."

The next day (09:30)…

"Sorry I'm late but I saw an alligator and I rushed off to the pharmacy to buy foot medicine." lied Kakashi.

"THERE ARE NO ALLIGATORS IN KONOHA!" yelled Sakura and Naruto. Sasuke hned while Haku sighed. And they left off for Yuki no Kuni.

Within the three week journey Sakura trained with Haku in both combat and medicine. Sasuke was reading from his family's scrolls, Kakashi was giggling at his book, and Naruto trained and at the same time talking to Kyuubi. (Not going into specifics)

"_Hey fox, if I remember last time we weren't supposed to go to snow country until after we meet Tsunade-obaachan and at the time we were with Yukie." _(A/N: I'm omitting the movie.)

"**Kit remember, we went back in time and I botched that damn jutsu. Expect changes later like relatives you never knew."**

"_I know but still, I have a bad feeling that I won't be strong enough to stop Orochimaru."_

"**And Akatsuki."**

"_Great, more stuff to worry."_

"**Ah, don't worry. Remember I'm training you and I have plenty to teach you."**

"_Thanks fox. For once you're alright and not some malevolent bastard"_

"**No problem, now lets play some Melee. Victory shall be mine!" **she said while she picked Marth (A/N: In my opinion he's the best character to use) and Naruto chose Jigglypuff (A/N: I choose Jigglypuff a lot, especially in the first Smash Bros.).

After the arduous three week journey which included fights ("Ramen!" "Dango!" "Ramen!" "Dango!" "JUST FUCKING PICK ALREADY!"), accidents ("GAMA-CHAAANNNN!" trailed Naruto as he jumped off the cliff. "It's just a wallet." said Haku. "Scrrreeewww yooouuu, I haaavve oouuurrr monnneeeyyy in theeerrreee!" "GAMA-CHAAANNNN!" yelled Haku as she followed after the wallet.), and cases of insanity ("LEE!" "GAI-SENSEI!" "LEE!" "GAI-SENSEI!" "Somebody kill me.") they finally reached Yukigakure.

"Civilization. Sweet sweet civilization." said Naruto as he kissed the ground.

"Ignoring that, now the mission briefing said that we're supposed to meet our contact here. Just where is she?" said Kakashi.

"OY, Kakashi-sempai!" said a girl running towards the group. (Age 23, 5ft 6, well proportioned body, shoulder length blonde hair tied at the end with a red ribbon, and eyes that shows a unique shade of indigo. Right now she's dressed for winter but normally she wears a red blouse with a matching red skirt, the usual sandals, and bandages for gloves).

"Hmm, you're that Kazama Satsuki chick. Yeah I remember, you're the one who did a strip tease at the Jonin New Years Party years ago." Kakashi said while suppressing a perverse giggle.

"If you mention that again I'll castrate you." growled Satsuki.

"Alright, just lead us to the inn. I don't want to be Mizuki."

On the way…

Sakura & Sasuke

"Hey Sasuke." whispered Sakura.

"What?" questioned Sasuke.

"Is it just me or does that Satsuki looks just like Naruto?"

"Now that you think about it she kinda looks like him in that stupid sexy jutsu, fully clothed."

"And out of curiosity, where did you hear her last name from?"

"Don't care."

"Aren't you the least bit curious?"

"No and shut up." Sasuke said which Sakura did sadly.

Naruto and Haku

"Naruto." Haku said.

"What?" questioned Naruto.

"Did you see the similarities between you and Satsuki?"

"Actually she kinda looks like me."

"Could it be that…?"

"Who knows? It would be reassuring that I at least have family."

"Yeah." Haku said with a sad look in her eyes.

"Don't worry Haku, you're not alone. You still have me (Haku smiled) and good ol' Gama-chan." Naruto hugged his wallet while Haku face-faulted.

"Next time I'm holding my own money." Haku sighed.

Satsuki and Kakashi

"So, how's Nemuri and Koyuki?" asked Satsuki.

"Which one is which?" questioned Kakashi.

"Nemuri's the narcoleptic and Koyuki's the one who tried to strangle you after you accidentally groped her."

"Oh, well Nemuri's back in Konoha and open her own clothes shop. I don't know where that Koyuki chick is and I don't plan to find out."

"I expected Nemuri to open her own shop but I'm kinda disappointed that Koyuki's not around."

"Ah well, anyways what brings you to this frozen hellhole.'

"Easy. I travel, I get involved, and I end up losing half my bones and blood."

Kyuubi and Naruto

"_Yo furball, where did you hear her last name before?"_ thought Naruto.

"**Don't know but for some reason it brings out my loathing for Yondi."** said Kyuubi.

"**And for some reason she looks so familiar."**

"_Why is that?"_

"**Women's intuition."**

"_Since when did you have one?"_

She considered that line an insult to her own gender and pride so she shoved into his head pictures of Sakura and Ino in heat which proceeded with Sasuke dragging the blond idiot's body to the inn.

At the inn…

"Alright, here's the plan. The enemy's base is located at the base of Mt. Ikijigoku (hell on earth)…" Satsuki was cut off.

"Excuse me but why is it called hell on earth?" said Sakura.

"Legend say that the mountain was the gateway to hell and also where the 9 demon lords came from." said Kakashi.

"**They're dead wrong. We're actually born on this damn earth some millennia ago and the only reason that mountain is called hell on earth is because that damn Hachibi, who's a fucking prick, named it that way."**

"_Out of curiosity, just how close are you demon lords?" thought Naruto._

"**Nibi, Shichibi** (vermillion hair, slender body, dark gray eyes with a slight swirl for pupils, skin that radiates like a phoenix, and wears the same kimono as Kyuubi but made from her own feathers) **and I are real close, I respect Gobi with a passion, I find Rokubi completely annoying even though he's the only one who could beat me in Halo, Shukaku's a thick-headed idiot, Yonbi freaks me out, you already know that Hachibi's a prick who keeps leering at my chest, and I'll never forgive Sanbi for stealing my Pocky and getting me sealed in your damn gut."**

"_You demon lords have one weird relationship with each other."_

"**Yeah. I'll brief you on what they said later. Now if you don't mind I want to watch some Family Guy. And it's true, death is a bitch."**

Considering that its late Team Seven, Haku, and Satsuki each picked out rooms via straws because the manager gave out two of the six rooms Satsuki picked to two couples.

So by room: Sasuke and Sakura (Sakura fainted like Hinata while Sasuke prayed to whatever higher being to kill him), Satsuki and Naruto, and Haku and Kakashi get their own rooms.

In Satsuki and Naruto's room…

"Uh, Satsuki-neechan. Why are you staring at me like that?" inquired Naruto.

"Yep, you do look like cousin Arashi." said Satsuki.

"Who's Arashi?"

"He's the Yondaime Hokage and our cousin."

"I'M RELATED TO WHOM?"

"**_Yondi…"_** Kyuubi pondered.

"Yondaime."

"SINCE WHEN?"

"Since our mother married into his family."

"Our mother? You don't mean…"

"Uh huh ototo." she said. There's a long pause.

"YOU"RE MY ONEE-CHAN?"

"Yup ototo."

"**_Now I remember. She's Yondi's cousin, the one who smells of demon blood."_**

"SHUT UP! SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO SLEEP HERE!" said somebody next door.

"**YOU SHUT UP BASTARDS! I'M LEARNING ABOUT THE KIT'S FUCKING FAMILY HERE!" **yelled Kyuubi.

"Was that who I think it was?" said Satsuki.

"Don't bother. She's watching Family Guy (guess which episode). Now then…"

While Naruto bombarded Satsuki with questions (mainly habits and the usual stuff found in other stories) outside a group of six hidden in the shadows are talking.

"Is that them?" said one of the figures.

"It is. Remember the plan." said another.

"We kill all of them and burn them down to the ground." said another.

"Alright, as soon as they're asleep we strike." said what appeared to be the leader.

"Right." they agreed.

Sakura & Sasuke

"Sooo Sasuke, do you want to do anything before we go to sleep?" asked Sakura.

"No, shut up, and go to sleep." said Sasuke bluntly. Sakura held her head down in defeat.

Satsuki & Naruto

"Alright, one more question and then we go to bed." said Satsuki all annoyed.

"What was kaasan like?" said Naruto.

"She was one hell of a mother, kind and caring yet cool and in a sense insane."

"Why is that?"

"From what I heard she once took out 3 teams of Iwa nin with one point blank **Bushin Daibakuha**. And after that she's still had the energy out for more." (A/N: Like me only stupid enough to shoot a rocket launcher at point blank)

"_Good god, she must be invincible or plain suicidal." _"Alright one more, any Kekkei Genkai abilities I should be aware of?"

"The Kazama clan has a dojutsu known as **Kahengan** that varies on abilities depending on the person. You're on your own to figure out how to activate it. Another of our abilities can only be activated when one has died at least once. Again you're on your own because its ability only you can use. As for the Uzumaki I have no clue."

"Damn, alright I'm tired. Night onee-chan."

"Night ototo."

Later that night (Kakashi sleeps with Icha on his face and dreaming of him in a harem, Sakura dreaming of her and Sasuke, Sasuke dreams he beats Itachi, Haku dreams of when she was with Zabuza, and both Satsuki and Naruto are dreaming of food)…

"Its time." said those guys from earlier.

The group split in four pairs and each silently heads to each room.

Haku

"Hmm, she's not bad. It's too bad that she has to die." said the assassin.

He quietly walks towards Haku and raised the hand with a dagger intended to strike the sleeping form of Haku. Unfortunately…

"Nice try, but I was a Mist hunter-nin and I happen to be a light sleeper." said Haku.

"What?" was all he could say before Haku froze his feet and arms to the ground and also froze his mouth shut.

"Ku ku ku. This will be fun." said Haku holding senbon needles, ice cubes, and torture devices that will make Anko squeal in joy.

Kakashi

"Copycat Ninja Kakashi. This is my lucky day, he's listed in the bingo book (the Iwa version) with a bounty of 10 million ryou." the leader laughed silently while he attempted to force cyanide down Kakashi's mouth. Unfortunately the Kakashi in bed was a **Kage Bunshin**.

"What?" he said before Kakashi knocked him out with a simple chop to the back of the neck.

"Did I miss something?" responded Kakashi.

Sasuke & Sakura

"It's just brats in here." said one of them.

"Too easy." said the other.

One of them approaches Sasuke but he triggered a trip wire that got the assassin nearly impaled with a barrage of everything that's sharp. When a knife misses the assassin's crotch he fainted while foaming at the mouth.

"A ninja must always be alert, even when they're sleeping." smirked Sasuke.

The ninja approaching Sakura also triggered a trap but instead of a barrage of knives it was her Pervert Senses which proceeded with a jaw breaking punch to said jaw that launches the assassin out of the second floor to a bear cave.

"PERVERT!" **"DIE FUCKING PERVERT. I HOPE THE BEARS TEAR YOUR GUTS, DIGEST IT, BARF IT UP, FLUSH IT DOWN THE TOILET, ENTER THE SEWERS AND HAVE IT BECOME OCEAN SLUDGE!"**

Naruto and Satsuki

"Stay still idiot!" the assassin said, struggling to stab Naruto who coincidentally was dreaming he was rolling around in ramen.

As for the other one…

"Damn bitch, stay still!" said the other guy trying to stab Satsuki who's rolling around in dessert. Unfortunately Kyuubi heard this and thought he was calling her a bitch and so she summoned herself out.

"**Who's a bitch?"** she growled.

Before they could say anything she used **Kitsune-gen** to make it so that the assassins were experiencing **Orochimaru Ougi: Kizu Nagaikoto.**

"**Bastards."**

10 minutes later…

"So they are the ones trying to kill us in our sleep?" Satsuki yawned.

"Apparently so, for now grab some long nails, candles, and feathers." said Kakashi.

"Where's Naruto?" asked Sakura.

"Ototo's probably dreaming of food. It's common for a Kazama to dream that."

"Figures. Even when he's sleeping the dobe dreams of ramen." said Sasuke.

""There's nothing wrong with dreaming of food!" yelled Satsuki.

While they tortured them for information Naruto was sleeping soundly.

"Mmm, miso ramen." Naruto drooled.

A/N: I'm done and I'm outta here. Until again space cowboy…

**Jutsu List:**

**Bushin Daibakuha (Clone Great Explosion)**

**Kahengan (Variable Eye) – The Kazama Clan's Kekkei Genkai. Unlike all doujutsu this kind varies by person to person. **

**Kage Bunshin no Jutsu (Shadow Clone Technique)**

**Kitsune Youjutsu: Kitsune-gen (Fox Magic: Fox Illusion) – See chapter 4 **

**Orochimaru Ougi: Kizu Nagaikoto (Orochimaru Secret Technique: Scar for Long Time) – See chapter 2**


	9. The Fight On Mt Complicated Name

A/N: About the reviews, I was using an English to Spanish translator mainly because it's been a while since I took Spanish. Sorry about the god awful Spanish. And Kyuubi talking Spanish will only be one shot unless I can think of something. So I fixed the problem.Thanks for the reviews and enjoy! (I need a better translator.)

A/N/N: Ignore the Spanish comment. I already replaced it with English in the previous chapter.

Disclaimer: Own nothing.

Legend

"…normal..."

"…_thoughts..."_

"…**Kyuubi & Inner Sakura talks/Jutsu**..."

"…_**Kyuubi thinks**…"_

* * *

Chapter 9: The Fight on Mt. Complicated Name

At Mt. Whatever-name-I-put-for-the mountain…

"They're late." said the brother of previous leader known as Kooriya (ice man). Then he heard the door open. "Ah, they're here.

Unfortunately it wasn't a sight to behold. Among the assassins only one was standing but he was battered with candles burned down to his hands. The others were tortured, comatose, or clawed by bears.

"Who could have done this?" said a subordinate. The one with the candle for hands fell on his face to reveal the words carved on his back: Nice try but you can't outsmart Konoha-nin. From the words of Copycat Hatake Kakashi we will take you down.

"So Kakashi returned. Interesting." Kooriya smirked.

"What do we do now?" asked a subordinate.

"Let them come, I always loved a frontal assault."

At the inn…

"Morning." yawned Naruto.

"Finally you're awake. While you were dreaming of stupid ramen, we were forced to stay up interrogating." said Sasuke.

"There's nothing wrong with dreaming of food!" yelled both Naruto and Satsuki.

"_What's with them and food?"_ thought both Haku and Sakura.

"Okay, change of plans; we're taking them out in one hour. Get dressed and prepare." ordered Kakashi.

"Alright. _Fox, did anything happen while I was eating miso ramen?_"

"**Yeah, assassins came and tried to kill us. Thank god for me that I saved you."**

"One of them called you a bitch right?"

"**Bastards, luckily I performed a genjutsu-within-a-genjutsu so right now they're in a coma."**

Kyuubi laughed while Naruto shuddered at the thought of experiencing that genjutsu again while somewhere in Rice Country a certain snake bastard somehow felt sick pleasure. (A/N: …shudders).

One hour later towards Mt. Too-lazy-to-write-complicated-name…

"**Here's the plan kit. When we get to Mt. Whatever-that-fucking-prick-named-it, we're to split up in four groups. You, Pinky, and Moody are to handle the small fries which shouldn't be a problem since you're more than capable to take out a battalion."**

"No shit. I did took out one with the **Bakuha Rasengan **though I highly doubt I can do it right now considering I still haven't been able to do the **Bakyu Rasengan** much less a **UN Rasengan**."

"**Yeah, but at least you're able to mix wind with fire. Now Frosty** (Haku, referring to her ice abilities) **will take out those considered Chunin and higher, I did learned that she has a few new jutsu especially one that looks like a sniper rifle made out of ice.**** Bloodbath **(Satsuki, referring to the fact that she has the faint smell of demon blood. And don't naturally assume she's a hanyou because she's not and I'll get more into this later) **there heard that one of them is Hyoga Koga** (I'm assuming –ga means fang considering Koga means steel fang. Either that or it's Ko-) **and she would like to fight him, must be a Kazama thing. Now Scarecrow will obviously handle the leader. I'm guessing they know each other since I did hear that Hyo-ketsunoana **(Ice-ass)** wants his head."**

"Why did you call him an ass?"

"**What I heard about him reminds me of Yonbi trying to mix diet cola with rocket fuel in Pompeii."**

"What's Pompeii?"

"**Don't worry about it. Anyways we're close so we'll talk later."**

When they reached Mt. Screw-this-I'll-stick-to-writing-something-like-this-in-place-of-the-original-name they immediately split up.

Halfway on the top…

"Soon Kakashi, I will have my revenge." said Kooriya. "Alright men, you know the drill!"

"YES!" they all said and left to their positions.

The Genins…

"Good god! There's so many of them!" exclaimed Sakura.

"Are they trying to start a war or something?" said Sasuke.

"Damn, I had enough of battalions." complained Naruto.

"**Eh, beats Orochi's army. That snake bastard created chimeras mixed with Buu DNA, at least the regeneration part. I hate to be turned into neither chocolate nor a super-powered jawbreaker." said Kyuubi.**

"Screw this…CHARGE!" roared Naruto like a freaking U.S. Army Major.

"Naruto! Stay with the plan!" said Sakura. **"Fuck that, CHARGE!"**

"Damn idiot." said Sasuke. And so they charged after them.

Haku at some vantage point…

"**Hyoton: Crystal Sniper Rifle**." Haku said as she formed a sniper rifle (Hekler & Kosh PSG1, don't ask why I chose it. The other sniper rifle I know is either any bolt-action rifle or Dragunov SVD) out of ice. "Now then, (she takes a look in the scope and finds a target) found one."

She shoots one of the men with a chakra bullet (A/N: Don't assume I'm overpowering her, the technique does drain a bit of chakra) and quite a few more others. While they are trying to find where she's located Haku uses her **Makyo Hyo Sho **to find another point before they track her down. Unfortunately she chose a point where a Jonin class barbarian with a huge poleax is waiting for her.

"So, you're a member of the Haku clan. Heard that they died out." said the barbarian.

"I heard of you. You're Banjin no Yabanjin (Barbarian the Savage, don't ask). You're listed in the bingo book as an A-rank Missing-nin from Kusagakure. What brings you up here?" asked Haku.

"I was hoping to get the head of Kakashi but considering I found you, this will be fun." said Banjin sadistically.

"We'll see about that." said Haku as she jumped back while throwing senbon needles.

Satsuki at the foot of the mountain…

"So, you're Hyoga Koga. The rumors were true, you do look like a wolf." said Satsuki.

"No surprise there, I was raised by wolves and I learned to think and fight like one." said Hyoga.

"_Hmm, he could have the same style of an Inuzuka. _Well then, less talk and more fight." Satsuki charged head while he did the same. He punched her but she blocked and he tried the other but she blocked again and they grappled.

"Not bad, you managed to block my attack."

"Well, I didn't train with a taijutsu expert for nothing. _Although I'm nowhere near as good as fishbowl head. _(Referring to Gai)"

"Still, you won't beat me!" Hyoga said while dodging her attacks. However he closed in on her and bit her arm. "Ow, son of a bitch."

"Thank you, I don't mind being called that." Hyoga said and once again went with the **Roga** again.

Kakashi on the top of the mountain…

"Kakashi, we meet again." said Kooriya.

"Kooriya, I thought you were dead." said Kakashi.

"No thanks to you. This time I will have revenge."

"You still fuming after I prevented you to become leader of Yukigakure."

"Yes, no matter in the end I will fulfill two of me desires." Kooriya said as he performed **Fubuki no Jutsu** to create a snowstorm.

"Damn, this blizzard is thick. Guess I have no choice." thought Kakashi while unleashing his Sharingan. Kakashi tracked him down while Kooriya performed **Hyoton: Hyobakuha** to entrap Kakashi in a tomb of ice and with a snap of his fingers shatters it. However the Kakashi there was replaced by a snowman with Ed(Fullmetal)-sticking-out-his-tongue-face.

"_Damn, where is he?_"

"Right here. **Yukitora no Jutsu**." Kakashi made a tiger out of snow that charged at Kooriya. Kooriya retaliates with the same technique to cancel each other out.

"Kakashi, how about we stop this easy crap and get down to business." Kooriya said as he performed **Hyozan no Jutsu **which launches a chunk of ice at Kakashi. (Think of the Iceberg element from Chrono Cross)

The Genin…

"**Kage Fuuma Shuriken**!" Sasuke yelled, throwing the fuuma at the enemy, and taking out a chunk of them and then some.

Sakura threw scores of kunais tied with small bags at her chunk of the enemy. They deflected them while tearing the bags, releasing what appears to be confetti.

"Yo girly, you trying to play around with us?" smirked one of them, not noticing the fact that they were miniaturized explosive tags.

"**Sakura Fubuki no Jutsu**." Sakura finishes her technique by throwing a single kunai with an explosive tag that makes contact with the ground. When it ignited the surrounding area covered with the tags exploded, taking them down with it.

"**Futon: Renkudan**." Naruto takes a deep breath and shoots out a compressed ball of air aimed at his chunk. The ball drills through the enemy while at the same time scorches them.

"They're too strong, retreat!" said one of them and as he said they retreated.

"Aww, come on. I had much tougher fights than this." moaned Naruto.

"Stuff it; I'll head off to find more targets." Sasuke said as he ran off to find more targets.

"Sasuke, wait for me." said Sakura, running after him.

"_Damn, what I do now?_" thought Naruto.

"**Try finding either Bloodbath or Frosty."**

"Just a thought, what's with you and these weird nicknames?"

"**Shut up moron. Just pick somebody."**

"Okay, better find Satsuki. Maybe I can learn something. And don't call me a moron" Naruto said, running off to find his older sister.

Haku with Conan…

Haku at first had the advantage by first dodging his attack while at the same time freezing the air around and using her one-handed **Sensatsu Suisho** however he concentrated chakra to his feet and stomp the ground, which brought out an earth wall to block her needles. He then concentrated chakra into his axe and slammed the ground. The resulting shockwave created a kind of tidal wave out of earth.

"**Daichi Tsunami no Jutsu.** How's that?" said Banjin.

"Shit. That could've killed me. I wasn't hoping to use this but I have no choice." Haku sighed and performed the single hand seal for the full **Makyo Hyo Sho **that surrounded

"What is this?"

"Easy, **Makyo Hyo Satsu**." Haku with this techniques dashes from one mirror to another with blinding speed until they explode, damaging the barbarian while she safely escapes. Banjin is left unconscious while Haku at some point 30 feet outside the blast radius is huffing heavily.

"Damn, I wasn't hoping to use that. At least I have enough chakra for a chakra rifle." Haku huffed while disappeared in a cloud of cold mist.

Satsuki & Hyoga…

"**Hyoton: Hyogabatsu no Jutsu**!" yelled Hyoga.

"**Raiton: Raimei Akuma**!" yelled Satsuki.

The sheer freezing power of the ice wolf collided with the brute force of the thunder demon, creating a massive explosion.

"Goddamn, I really got to limit the amount of these freaking A-rank jutsus I use in battle." said Satsuki.

"**Shikyaku no Jutsu**." Hyoga performed the Inuzuka technique to get all feral. Then with his animalistic abilities he quickly lunged after Satsuki with his **Zanzoken.**

"_Good god, what's with the Dragon Ball references? Next thing you know we'll see him use the Kamehameha." _thought Satsuki. (A/N: Not in this story.)

Instead of the Kamehameha, he sped up to Satsuki immediately and utilizes **Rogayari**, which he spears through Satsuki and slams her to a wall.

"How's that?" growled Hyoga.

"_Damn, I can't take another hit from that technique. I really hate doing this but…"_ thought Satsuki while clutching some broken ribs.

"Time to end this." Hyoga charged again for the kill.

"Hey, there's Satsuki." Naruto said as he's about to witness Satsuki perform…

"Initial Gate. RELEASE!" Satsuki released the first gate and rushed in and kicked Hyoga under the chin. Then she jumps and kicks him up further. While he's flying she utilizes **Kage** **Buyo** to appear behind him and kicks his side but not before she quickly stands on top of him and jumps in the air while he's sent back towards the ground. Then she finishes by diving down and knee drops him, driving him to the ground and crushing his chest. "**Swallow Drive**!"

"W.O.W." Naruto is all bugged eyed with a O for a mouth.

"**Brutal and unrelenting. I like her."** smirked Kyuubi.

Satsuki however was breathing heavily and coughed up blood.

"Satsuki!" Naruto rushed in to check up on her. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I felt worse. Woo, feeling woozy." she said before falling asleep.

"**Don't worry kit, she's just sleeping. Just summon one of my subordinates to take her** **back to the inn and heal her."** Kyuubi said.

Naruto bit his thumb and performed the **Kuchiyose no Jutsu** to summon a bluish looking fox with four tails.

"Yo, I'm Megumi. If you want my help, you got to feed me moron." said the fox.

"Who are you calling a moron?" yelled Naruto.

"You moron. You look like one. Now are you going to feed me or should I eat you instead moron." said Megumi.

"You know what, I hate you stupid furballs." argued Naruto.

"**Hey Megumi. Stop yakking with moron and get his sister to the inn and heal her."** said Kyuubi.

"Is that you Kyuu-chan? How did you get stuck with moron here?"

"Stop calling me a moron!"

"**Shut it moron! Megumi, do as I say and you'll get some meat. Just don't eat the moron's sister."**

"Alright." Megumi transformed into her human form and carried Satsuki on her back.

"I'll see you later moron."

"FOR KAMI'S FUCKING SAKE! STOP CALLING ME A MORON!" roared Naruto. Deciding that there's nothing else to do he went off to find Kakashi.

Scarecrow and Ass…

After countering the iceberg with his own they each charged after each other with kunais while yelling a lot.

"Kooriya, I won't allow you to bring down Yukigakure to the path of darkness ever again." proclaimed Kakashi.

"Like I care, after I kill you I'm changing the way the village is once and for all." said Kooriya.

"You know, that was a really bad line."

"Don't blame me, the author couldn't think of anything good."

Ignoring that both of them decided to stop talking and resume their fight. When Naruto reached them they were already trading blow for blow.

"Wow, I haven't seen anything this fierce since the time somebody ate my special nindo noodles and I used you for revenge."

"**Ah yes I remember. You went all Super Saiyan-like."**

"…_we really got to stop these Dragonball references."_ thought Naruto.

Unfortunately Kooriya took one look at Naruto and charged up his **Hyoton: Kokuryubo Fusetsu **aimed for Naruto. Naruto used a **Kage Bunshin** to escape.

"Damn, that guy must be insane." said Naruto.

"**Like I said, he's an ass."**

Unfortunately the dragon swerved and struck Naruto. The force of the impact struck Naruto unconscious as he fell off the mountain.

"Naruto! You bastard, he wasn't part of this fight." Kakashi growled.

"Ha, you should know better not to drag a Genin into this fight." laughed Kooriya.

"Damn it. I'll end this for you Naruto." Kakashi said as he formed the seals for the **Raikiri**.

"Is that the famous **Chidori** of yours? I'm honored."

Somewhere at the base of the mountain…

"**Kit! Wake up, we can't die right now! I haven't even tried out MetalGear Solid 4 yet!"** cried Kyuubi (the near-death-I-have-so-much-to-do-before-I-die-cry and not the sad one). **"Damn, I wasn't hoping to supplement my chakra to you considering every time I do something bad happens."**

However before she could do anything Naruto's body glowed a deep purple supplemented with a deep beat from his heart.

"**Crap, he isn't supposed to have that!"** Kyuubi said.

Somewhere on Mt. I-have-no-idea-what-to-write Kakashi and Kooriya were about to unleashed their most powerful techniques when they noticed a huge power surge.

"What is that?" asked Kooriya.

"_Is it the Kyuubi? No, this chakra is much more tainted and evil to be hers."_ thought Kakashi.

Somewhere on the battlefield…

"What is that chakra?" inquired Sakura.

"Don't tell me it's coming from the dobe." said Sasuke.

"This chakra, it feels heavy yet evil and poisonous." said Haku.

And then from the base of the mountain came a burst of that chakra with Naruto jumping straight above the mountain. His look remains the same except for his eyes which is purple and his pupils are narrowed. With his new eyes he utilizes Kyuubi's demon chakra to lure out the famed **Jao Ensatsu Kokuryuha** from the depths of Hell and releases it in the direction of Kooriya. He tried to deflect it with the **Kokuryubo** but the sheer power of the immortal black dragon overpowers it and strikes Kooriya. It lifts him off the mountain and slams him to the ground, leaving nothing but his blackened charred remains.

"Fools, this is nothing compared what I'm capable of!" Naruto yelled planning to eliminate any humans in sight. When he said that all of Kooriya's men ran in fear. However he's unable to do so because the effects of his newfound power wore off and he started to dive headfirst into the ground.

A few days later…

"_Mmm, huh? Where am I?"_ thought Naruto.

"**Welcome back to reality moron."** smirked Kyuubi.

"_Fox, what just happen?" _

"**Well, for some reason you activated a real Jagan."**

"_What's the fuck is the Jagan?"_

"**It's a demon eye that increases the abilities of those that have it. It also gives them excellent vision as well as some other ones. However humans are never suppose to have the real eye because it warps their personality and taints their bodies, slowly killing it off. Be glad you're still living."**

"_Ugh, what happen to my arm?"_

"**You used Jao Ensatsu Kokuryuha. All you need to know is that you can only use it with the Jagan and at your state it paralyzed your arm. I'm using my chakra to heal it and suppress the pain."**

"_Okay, what happened after I blacked out?"_

"**Ask anybody downstairs."**

Naruto went downstairs to find Sakura reading a medical book while Kakashi reads Violence, Haku eating her meal with elegance while Satsuki mauling whatever she sees, and Sasuke is being Sasuke.

"Naruto, you're finally awake." said Kakashi.

"Yeah, can anybody tell me what happened after I blacked out." said Naruto.

"Well, you use that black dragon to char Kooriya and about to kill us when you fell to the ground. You were about to split your head open when some blue-haired chick with a flower ornament in her hair caught you." said Sakura.

"Wait, what was she wearing?" asked Naruto.

"It was weird. She was wearing a straw hat with spike-bells and a high-collar black robe with red clouds on it." said Haku.

"I see." said a concerned Naruto.

"Is something wrong?" inquired Kakashi.

"No nothing." said Naruto. However Naruto, Kyuubi, and Satsuki all had the same thought.

"_What in God's fucking Hell is Akatsuki doing up here?"_

The next day, after they received their payment, Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke, Kakashi, Haku, and Satsuki all went their three week journey back home which consisted of more fights ("That was my barbecue, ototo!" yelled Satsuki. "I had it first, onee-chan!" yelled Naruto. "Yoink!" ate Sasuke. "KILL TEME!") and more cases of insanity (toss in whatever).

In some undisclosed location…

"I see, so we found the Kyuubi no Kitsune. Well done Kiryu." said the silhouette known as 'leader'.

"Thank you." said the Kiryu silhouette and her silhouette disappeared.

"Zetsu."

"Yes?" said the Zetsu silhouette.

"Inform Itachi and Kisame. Tell them that the Kyuubi brat is heading to Konoha."

"Yes leader." said Zetsu and his silhouette disappeared.

"Soon, we'll have the Kyuubi and everything will fall into place. Fu fu fu…"

A/N: Good god that was hard. Anyways next chapter I'm finally starting the Chunin Exams so take care cowboys.

**Jutsu list:**

**Bakuha Rasengan (Explosion Rasengan) – A fire based rasengan used mainly on groups of enemies**

**Bakyu Rasengan (Vacuum Rasengan) – see chapter 1**

**Uzumaki Naruto Rasengan (Whirlpool Maelstrom Rasengan) – see chapter 1**

**Hyoton: Crystal Sniper Rifle – Haku creates a sniper rifle made of ice and chakra and snipes at her enemies with chakra bullets. Based on the mamodo Cherish's spell Guraado Ma Kofaru**

**Makyo Hyo Sho (Demonic Ice Mirrors)**

**Rogafufuken (Wolf Fang Hrricane Fist) – Just a series of fast swipes, grips, and kicks. Basically Dragon Ball's Yamcha's technique**

**Fubuki no Jutsu (Blizzard Technique) – Create a massive snowstorm on the spot**

**Hyoton: Hyobakuha (Ice Release: Ice Explosion) – Think of the ice blast element from Chrono Cross**

**Hyozan no Jutsu (Iceberg Technique) – Launch massive chunks of ice at your opponents**

**Kage Fuma Shuriken no Jutsu (Shadow Fuma Shuriken Technique)**

**Sakura Fubuki no Jutsu (Cherry Blossom Blizzard Technique)**

**Futon: Renkudan (Wind Release: Drilling Air Bullet)**

**Sensatsu Suisho (Thousand Water Needles of Death)**

**Daichi Tsunami no Jutsu (Earth Tsunami Technique) – Create a tidal wave of earth from the ground**

**Makyo Hyo Satsu (Demonic Mirror Ice Murder)**

**Hyoton: Hyoga Batsu no Jutsu (Ice Release: Ice Fang Strike) – Create an ice wolf to bite and crush your foe**

**Raiton: Raimei no Jutsu (Lightning Release: Thunder Demon Technique) – Create a demon of lightning to both electrocute and obliterate your enemies**

**Shikyaku no Jutsu (Four Legs Technique)**

**Zanzoken (After Image Technique) – Look it up on wikipedia**

**Rogayari (Wolf Fang Spear) – Taijutsu technique focused on piercing through the enemy at one point**

**Kage Buyo (Shadow of the Dancing Leaf)**

**Swallow Drive – Aerial technique where you first get the enemy airborne and use Kage Buyo to get behind them. Then you quickly kick their side and stand on top of them and jump, making them fall to the ground. And just before they hit the ground you finish with a knee drop, driving them to the ground. Since it requires the first gate, it will strain you for a while.**

**Kuchiyose no Jutsu (Summoning Technique)**

**Hyoton: Kokuryubo Fusetsu (Ice Release: Black Dragon Outburst Snowstorm)**

**Raikiri (Lightning Cut)**

**Chidori (One Thousand Birds) **

**Jao Ensatsu Kokuryuha (Immortal Black Dragon Wave) – see profile of Hiei on wikipedia**

**Jagan (Evil Eye) – same as above**


	10. Some Filler and the First Exam

A/N: Time for the Chunin Exams! I promise that the preliminaries will be great but don't expect the same matches since I already have a plan for the Finals. Anyways thanks for the 100 reviews and I'm sorry if I didn't reply for the last 9 chapters. Enjoy!

A/N/N: Stupid Document Manager. Have to copy and paste this...AND IT'S MY WORK!

Disclaimer: Own nothing.

Legend

"…normal..."

_"…thoughts..." _

"…**Kyuubi & Inner Sakura talks/Jutsu**..."

_"…**Kyuubi thinks**…" _

**Chapter 10: Some Filler and the First Exam **

Somewhere on the way back to Konoha…

"Satsuki!" yelled Naruto.

"Hn?" hned Satsuki.

"If possible, can you teach me the **Swallow Drive**?"

"Why exactly?"

"It looks so cool and I do need taijutsu. _Especially since I can't even lift Shadow Fox_."

"Well first off, how many of the chakra gates can you open?"

"_The gates? I haven't trained my body to withstand the amount of pressure the gates leave off. But I should open the same amount. _I say up to the third gate."

"Hmm, well I can't teach you but I know somebody who taught me."

"Really…wait. Is it Super Fuzzy Eyebrows?"

"Super Fuzzy Eyebrows?"

"Maito Gai, or as he calls himself: Konoha's Prideful Green Beast!" Naruto yelled while striking a pose.

"Don't do that!" Satsuki whacked his head. "_Super Fuzzy Eyebrows, that's good_. It's not Fishbowl Head; it's actually a close friend of mines."

"_Fishbowl Head, that's good_. Who is it?"

"You probably know her already."

"Okay…anyways, since you're staying in Konoha where are going to live?"

"Where else but your place. Our house got destroyed by the Kyuubi no Kitsune, I already got kicked out of my apartment shortly after I got my ninja status on hiatus because I made too much noise, and Arashi was still single and lived in an a apartment."

**"Ah yes, it was a nice looking house." **

Normally by the end of the week the group has already reached Konoha by now if they didn't take directions from an eternally lost boy.

Somewhere…

"Where are we?" asked Haku.

"RANMA! Get back here!" yelled a tomboy with a mallet.

"No way! Ack, cold water." said girl-type Ranma.

And soon came yells from fiancées and rivals, explosions, and Happosai stealing a copy of Icha Icha Paradise from Naruto under his nose.

"_This place is so fucked up_." thought Pinky

_"I don't care, this is wasting my time." _ thought Moody.

_"Wow, this okonomiyaki is really good."_ thought and ate Garbage Disposal.

_"Hmm, that purple haired chick has one hell of a chest" _thought Scarecrow.

_"Wow, sake and pocky in vending machines. This place is great!"_ thought Future Drunk/New Itachi.

_"Damn, that old man is worse than Ero-sennin. HEY, that fucking bastard stole my copy of Icha!" _thought Moron.

_"Nerima is just as chaotic as ever." _thought Furball.

Somewhere else…

"RANMA! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!" yelled Ryoga in what it appears to be F City (insert yells, cheers of Lord Il Palazzo, and a really loud "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!").

About 3 days later in the right universe…

"Wow, Konoha looks the same." said an amazed Satsuki.

"Anyways I have to give my report to Hokage-sama. Satsuki, I expect you to do the same." Kakashi said.

"Yeah yeah." Satsuki said as Kakashi disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

"I need a shower. Later." said Sakura.

"Whatever." brooded Sasuke.

"I'm heading back to the apartment. I'll see you later." said Haku.

"Okay then, now tell me who's teaching me the Swallow Drive." said Naruto.

"First off, take me to Nemuri's place."

"Huh?"

At Nemuri's House of Style…

"Oy, Nemuri-neechan!" yelled Naruto with no reply or the usual zzz's.

"Oh great, she fell asleep again." groaned Satsuki. "It's Lollapalooza again."

They each searched through the store but they couldn't find the narcoleptic.

"Damn, we searched through the whole store and we…" Naruto huffed while sitting on a pile of clothes.

"ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ." zzz from somewhere.

"…find her under me."

They threw off the clothes and found her sleeping like a log.

"I'll handle this." she sighed before taking a deep breath and yelled "MAGGOT! GET YOUR FUCKING ASS OUT OF BED AND DROP ANG GIVE ME 500!" which Nemuri immediately stood up.

"HAI, IZUMI-SENSEI!" Nemuri yelled, doing a mock salute. However before she did the push-ups, she realized she wasn't 13 any more. "Huh? Naruto-kun. What brings you here?"

"Ask Satsuki-oneechan." Naruto points at Satsuki.

A long pause before…

"SATSUKI-CHAN!" Nemuri yelled before giving Satsuki a bone-crushing hug.

"Ack! Nemuri, I can't breathe." Satsuki said, turning blue before Nemuri broke off the hug.

"Sorry, anyways what brings you back to Konoha?"

"First I like to be an active Jonin again since I'm nearly broke. And second Naruto here wants to learn the Drive techniques."

"The Drive techniques huh? Alright but first of all, how many pounds are you wearing?"

"About 300 lbs."

"Perfect, meet me tomorrow at your training spot at 3:00 P.M."

"Alright, I'm heading to Ichiraku's. Anybody up for ramen?" offered Satsuki.

"ME!" waved Naruto.

"You're paying for it. I'm broke."

"…damn freeloading cheapass Jonin." pouted Naruto.

"Nemuri, how about you."

"Sure."

And so they went to Ichiraku's where Nemuri chose Shrimp Ramen, Naruto with the usual 15 bowls of miso ramen with pork topping, and (much to the dismay of Naruto, his finances, and his now-thin wallet) Satsuki chose two bowls of the Full House Special (it's an extra large bowl with everything in it).

"You want to make me pay for your Full House special?! But that's the most expensive thing on the menu. What kind of sister are you?" said Naruto.

"The freeloading kind. Now shut up or I'm kicking out of your room and claim it as mine." said back Satsuki with Naruto pouted in return.

_"Damn cheapass, freeloading, room-stealing sister." _

_"They're brother and sister alright." _thought Nemuri.

The next day (nothing else happen except that Haku has a new roommate) …

"Alright Naruto, pay attention. The Drive techniques rely on fast combos followed by a finisher. With practice you can keep the rhythm going but try to not to keep it too long. The Drive also requires you to open the first gate so if you use it you have only one shot to take out your opponent. The Drive has two techniques: **Swallow **and **Buster Drive**. The other techniques are whatever you come up with, just as long as you keep the rhythm. You already seen the initial form of the Swallow Drive so all I need to teach you is the **Buster Drive**. Watch."

She rushed in to a nearby tree and unloaded a fury of kicks at the tree and ends it with a chakra-enhanced kick, sending it out of Konoha and into Otogakure airspace.

"W.O.W." Naruto is all bugged eyed with a O for a mouth.

**"She's good for a narcoleptic."** agreed Kyuubi.

"This is the basic form of the **Buster Drive** without the use of the first gate because right now I don't need all that power. Since I've been using the technique longer I'm able to pull off more combos and also keep the opponent within the battlefield. The other techniques are whatever you can come up with. Now let's see how well you do the **Buster Drive**without the gate." Nemuri lectured.

"Okay!" Naruto said. He released the weights on his body and did his variation of the **Buster Drive**, all up to the finisher where instead of sending the tree out of Konoha he messed up a bit and accidentally sent it straight up into the sky.

"Oops."

"Hmm, interesting. If you could combine that with the **Swallow Drive**, you would have one hell of a technique."

"What, you never tried?"

"I have, but I rely on how much pain I inflict to whoever I fight on the ground. Now then, the Drive is powerful but like the Lotus it will strain your body. Now practice and I'll see you later." Nemuri left and walked 3 feet before falling asleep. Naruto sighed, picked her up and dropped her off at her place.

And so nothing much happened in the next few weeks except Satsuki tried cooking.

"What the hell is this?!" yelled Naruto.

"What, never seen Satsuki Style Curry of Heaven?" said Satsuki.

"I'm not eating this! Not only is it pitch black but it's also spicy as hell! And there's a freaking turtle in there!"

"You'll eat it or otherwise I'm taking Gama-chan away from you, no, I make sure that you will not have ramen for the next 3 months." She threatened which proceeded with a loud yell that can be heard all around and Naruto face all red while being face first in curry.

Somewhere in Rain country…

"Deidara, did you hear that?" asked Sasori.

"Yeah, someone ate some really spicy curry. I think it's the curry of life, yeah." said Deidara.

"Who would be stupid enough to eat that, besides you." said Sasori which made Deidara's eye twitch.

"Who are you calling stupid?"

"In this case you."

"At least I know that the true beauty of art is in a fleeting moment, yeah."

"No, true art is forever like a puppet and not some stupid chicken that explodes."

"DON'T CALL BOCO STUPID! AND AT LEAST I'M YOUNGER THAN YOU ARE! YEAH!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALING OLD?!"

And soon enough it turned into their usual debate that required Kiryu, who was walking by, to use a technique that drove both of them into the air and in front of 'Leader'.

A week later…

"I keep telling you that we should kill the demon brat right now!" yelled a drunk.

"Yes, if we kill it now we'll be heroes!" slurred another.

"YEAH!"

They were about to head out of the bar but a certain blonde stepped in and kicked one of the drunks squarely in the face.

"OW, what was that for bitch?" yelled one of them.

Satsuki approached him and grabbed him by his shirt.

"Listen, if you ever threaten my family again I will personally see that I will kill you." threatened Satsuki.

"And who gives you the right to tell me that bitch!"

"His sister, also known as the cousin of the late Yondaime Hokage. Now unless you want to see the Pearly Gates early, I recommend that you leave him alone." Satsuki said with malice in both the tone of her voice and in her eyes. Seeing this side of her they backed off and left the bar. She sighed. "I never thought I have to show that side of myself again, or see my own brother ostracized like this."

"It's a sad sight really." said Haku as she walked in.

"Guess you know the pain of being alone huh?"

"For a while until I met Zabuza and Naruto-kun."

"You must really care for my brother huh?"

"I guess, after all he did take me in after Zabuza died."

"He may be an idiot but he has a good heart. It's too bad that the rest of the idiots can't see that. Alright how about I treat you to a drink."

"But I'm only 15."

"What, can't hold your own alcohol?"

"No, they reinforced underage drinking after some stupid looking Genin went on a drunken frenzy."

At 6 different points in Konoha Neji, Tenten, Lee, Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke all sneezed at the same time. And so another time skip to the day of the Chunin Exams.

Naruto is walking some alleyway to the bridge where Team Seven meets when he's followed by a box with eyeholes.

_'A box with holes. Must be Konohamaru. _I know it's you Konohamaru, no rock has perfect edges and eyes!"

Konohamaru, Moegi, and Udon came out of the box.

"Heh, as expected from my rival." grinned Konohamaru.

"Oh, it's just you guys. What do you want?"

"You promised us that you play ninja with us." said Moegi.

"Can't, I got to meet up with my team."

"What?! But you promise us you would play with us!" yelled Konohamaru.

"_Ah crap, once again if I agree I'll be wasting my time. If I refused they'll just bug the hell out of me. _Fine." Naruto agreed feeling defeated.

"A ninja playing ninja. How twisted is that." said a depressed Sakura.

"Let me guess, Sasuke turned you down again." Naruto asked which made her even more depressed.

Konohamaru takes a look at Sakura and gets some sort of idea. "Oh I get it bro."

"Huh?"

"She's your…you know." said a sly Konohamaru, raising his pinky up.

"HUH?!" Naruto yelled while Sakura twitched.

"Yeah, isn't she your girlfriend? I mean I don't know what you see in her but whatever floats your boat." Konohamaru smirked, unaware of the fact that Sakura is fuming in pure I'm-going-to-kill-you-fucking-ass kind of anger.

"Uh Konohamaru…" Naruto was cut off.

"I mean look at her ugly forehead. It's about as big as an Akimichi." said Konohamaru, once again unaware of the fact that insulting Sakura about her forehead is as big as a taboo as calling Ed short.

"Konohamaru-kun." said a concerned Moegi.

"What?"

"Look behind you." said a scared Udon. He looks behind to see Sakura in full Inner Sakura mode (Right now she unconsciously used her **Uchinaru Sakura no Jutsu** to bring out her inner self) a la Battousai mode.

"Bro, what do we do now?" said a scared shitless Konohamaru.

"Easy, RUN!"

As soon as he said that the quartet ran full speed in the opposite direction while Sakura chased after them with a mallet she pulled out of hammerspace.

"Bro, control your bull of a girlfriend." said Konohamaru which of course made Sakura gone full Battousai combined with Akane.

"Konohamaru, shut up and run!"

**"GET BACK HERE!" **yelled Sakura.

" NO WAY!" said the four.

"…and to think that I moved out of Nerima just to see this again." sighed a random bystander.

Now normally it'll take a lot to scare Kyuubi of anything but seeing Sakura as she is…

**"Kit, run like hell! I haven't been this scared since Sanbi and Rokubi sang Sonny and ****Cher****!" **

Sometime later Naruto tripped.

"Save yourselves!" pleaded Naruto.

"Okay!" said the three as they ran off.

"I didn't mean it literally; I only meant it as a dramatic effect!"

Unfortunately Sakura caught up with Naruto and with one mighty swing she launched Naruto straight ahead into Kankuro, knocking both of them out.

"Kankuro, are you okay?" said Temari.

At this point everything else can be found in the anime/manga, besides Naruto and Kankuro completely unconscious, so there's no point in writing. So we'll jump ahead to a few hours later.

"Sorry I'm late but I saw a magpie on a wall and I was hoping to receive a message." lied Kakashi.

"LIAR!" yelled Sakura and Naruto.

"Uh yeah. Anyways I know it seems soon but I nominated you guys for the Chunin Exams. Here are your applications."

"I LOVE YOU KAKASHI!" hugged Naruto.

"Get off, I don't swing that way." said Kakashi.

**_"Even in this life he does something stupid as this."_** sighed Kyuubi.

"Even though I nominated you guys, it's up to you if you want to take it. That is all." said Kakashi as he disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

A little later on the three went to where the Chunin Exams are held to see it packed. Since Naruto already knows what happened he instead went to the third floor to take a nap until the start of the First Exam.

In the belly of the beast Naruto is currently watching Kyuubi playing Twilight Princess.

**"Hey kit, do you have a plan for confronting the fruitcake?" **

"Yeah" said Naruto in a serious tone. "It's impossible for me to fight him right now so I plan to run before he bites Sasuke and lure my team away. That way I won't have to kill him and face that living hell again."

**"Good plan. At your level you can take on a Tokubetsu Jonin but that's still not enough to take on a Sannin. Hell you can barely take on Frosty." **

"Thanks for the positive reassurance." said Naruto sarcastically.

**"Don't be like that, just train as hard as you can until the time is right." **

"Time for what?"

**"You'll see in four chapters." **

A little later the room starts filling up and the Rookie Nine meet up again.

"Sasuke-kun!" yelled Ino, latching herself on Sasuke.

"Pig, get off of him!" yelled Sakura.

"Make me forehead!"

"Do us a favor and shut the fuck up." said Shikamaru while Choji is eating more chips.

"Yahoo! Found you!" cheered Kiba as Team 8 made their way to where everyone else is.

"Ano…where's Naruto-kun?" stuttered Hinata.

"Yeah, where is the idiot?" asked Shikamaru.

"The dobe is over there sleeping like a log."

"Heh, I got an idea." smirked Kiba.

Kiba went over to Naruto, hoping to pull off some trick. Unfortunately…

"BOOYAH FOX! Marth wins again!" yelled Naruto, hitting Kiba in the face.

"Ow, you asshole!" pained Kiba while holding his nose.

"Oh, sorry Kiba. Didn't see you there. _Hehehehe _"

"You best stay quiet. You're attracting attention. Name's Kabuto." said Kabuto as he walked over. While Kabuto talks Naruto glares at him.

_"Damn bastard, I swear first chance I get I will rip out his guts, stuff it in his mouth, force him to swallow, and repeat the process over and over." _

**"Don't worry; we'll take out the Fruitcake's bitch before he ever reaches the Preliminaries." **

_"What do you have in mind?" _

**"Hehehehehehe."** Kyuubi said with an evil gleam in her eyes.

"…and as you can see we have shinobi form Fire, Wind, Waterfall, Rain, Rock, and Sound who are here to take the exam…hmm interesting."

"What?" said everyone.

"Well apparently we have 3 Genin from Kirigakure."

"Yeah, so?" said Sasuke.

"Well among the hidden villages Mist is among the poorest villages and they did used to hold their version of the graduation exam. Mist has got to be desperate to send some of their shinobi to the Chunin exams."

At another part of the room said Mist-nin trio, which consists of a single male and two girls are overhearing their conversation.

"How rude. Calling us desperate." said one of the girls (Looks no older than 15 and no taller than 5ft.3. She's wearing a light blue open jacket with a light blue shirt, blue pants with sneakers, glasses, and earrings.) while reading a thick-bound book.

"Ah, don't let it get it to ya Shiori (Guidebook or Bookmark, reference to her hobbies in reading)." said the male (14, 5 ft.5. Wearing a blue shirt with khaki shorts, a straw hat, sandals, and hippie style sunglasses.)

"Says you Kisanji (relaxation). He called you desperate too." said Shiori.

"I know but unlike you I don't let petty insults like that get to me. And call me Sanji." said Sanji.

"Why you…" threatened Shiori.

"Shut up you two." said the other girl. (15, 5ft 6. Wearing a dark blue sleeveless shirt with ripped jeans, standard sandals, black headband, a fang earring on her left ear, and carries a large zanbatou covered in bandages. Her hitai-ate is tied to her left leg.).

"Sorry Nami." apologized Shiori.

"Yeah yeah." said Sanji.

"Why do I even bother." said Nami.

Just then a huge cloud of smoke appeared in the front of the classroom and as sson as the smoke cleared it revealed none other than Morino Ibiki.

"Alright maggots, listen up. I'm Morino Ibiki and from this point on I'm your worst nightmare." said Ibiki with a sadistic snigger.

While Ibiki was talking about the rules of the First Exam…

"Ha, this will be a piece of cake!" Naruto mentally cheered.

"You sure? Last time you passed by spewing out random heroic nonsense and at the Jonin Exams you were sweating buckets when you couldn't figure out the trajectory of (insert extremely complex equation)." stated Kyuubi in the middle of MGS4.

"Don't worry, after all I was a Jonin/ANBU." thought a 'proud Naruto.

"The exam will last one hour and…BEGIN!" said Ibiki.

"Okay let's see…next one…this one is a cryptogram…next one..." thought Naruto.

_"These questions…they all require book smarts and experience a genius like me has. For_ _an idiot like Naruto…"_ thought Sakura.

_"Heh, I don't any of these."_ smirked Sasuke. _"And what's up with the last question?"_

_"AH HELL, I DON'T KNOW ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS!"_ cried Naruto mentally.

**"And so the great Jonin known as the Shadow Fox learns that he's a moron. Join us next** **time in Death & Rebirth of the Blond Idiot!"** announced Kyuubi.

_"STOP WITH THE ANNOUNCEMENT AND HELP ME OUT HERE FOX!" _

**"Nope, you're on your own. _Of course I don't know the answer either but I won't tell him that._ " **

_"Stupid fox." _

_"This test encourages cheating, which even Naruto won't be stupid enough to try. I know_ _he won't try but…"_ thought Sakura.

_"Alright, I have to act calm and CHEAT CHEAT CHEAT!"_ yelled Naruto mentally. _"But how, I got nothing to cheat with!" _

For everyone else Kiba used Akamaru to spy on everyone else, Shino used one of his bugs, Tenten used a ceiling mirror she placed earlier which Lee used to reflect on his hitai-ate since all he has is taijutsu, Dosu from sound used the sound made from the writing of the pencils, Neji uses the Byakugan to see through a body while Sasuke used Sharingan and struck gold with the person he copied. Ignoring who got disqualified Gaara used his Third Eye to view a paper from a distance while Kankuro used Karasu while asking to take a leak. The mist-nin Shiori simply used her book smarts, Nami used the reflection of some really transparent water she created to see another paper while Sanji simply relaxed and took a nap. Back with the distressed blond…

_"40 minutes left and I still got nothing!" _

"Naruto-kun, you can look at my test." whispered Hinata.

"Huh?"

"You can look at my answers."

"_Huh, what? Oh right she has a crush on me like last time. _Ano, why are you doing this for me?" he whispered, neglecting the fact that he said the same thing last time.

"Because…I don't want you to disappear here." she said while twiddling her fingers. "And it wouldn't be the Rookie Nine if there weren't all nine of us."

"Heh, I see. _JACKPOT!_" He was about to take a look when he remembered about the examiner and the rules of the test. "Sorry but I don't need to cheat."

"Huh?"

"Besides if you helped me cheat then you'll be in trouble as well and I don't want that to happen as well."

"Oh, I see. I'm sorry." Of course her heart points with Naruto rose a little with that little speech.

"Don't worry. _Damn me and my stubbornness._ _I feel like standing on top of nowhere and yelling NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_" complete with Pedro style twin waterfall crying.

**_"And the idiot loses again." _**

While Sakura finished writing…

_"Looks like the forehead has stopped. For once I'll acknowledge your big head and your smarts. Time for my jutsu." _Ino thought.

She performed the seal for **Shintenshin no Jutsu **and tried performing it on Sakura. However Sakura dropped her pencil and went to pick it up. Instead of hitting pinky she instead hit the blond idiot.

_"Damn, she hit Naruto."_ thought Shikamaru. _"Guess I'm on my own." _

_"Great, we're doomed." _thought Chouji.

Inside the mind of Naruto…

"Where am I?" said Ino.

**"Inside the idiot's mind."** said Kyuubi in her full demonic glory while playing Metal Gear.

"Who are you?"

**"Don't tell anybody because if he goes so do me. I am the one and only Kyuubi no Kitsune." **

"You're the fox that…"

**"Yup and if you're wondering I'm a chick." **

"No, it's just that I don't feel any malice."

**"Believe me; being stuck in the kit's gut for 22 years will do that to you." **

:"Huh?"

**"Nevermind, besides you won't get any answers from me and you're wasting chakra. But** **before you go."** Kyuubi approached her and gave her a kiss.

_"Huh? Why am I feeling so hot all of a sudden? And why are her lips so soft."_ She thought before Kyuubi broke off the kiss.

**"You know, I always wanted to try that on a mortal. Not bad, guess the Tenjin will be making an appearance soon. _First stop, Kurenai._" **

Back outside…

_"Damn, what was that."_ thought a confused Ino. (A/N: If you were hoping for a Yuri scene you may have to wait a while until I try to write it out since I can't write a lemon yet. Of course I do have to post it on adultfanfiction dot net since I plan to bring it out in its full glory)

Near the end of the test…

"Times up! We will begin the 10th question." announced Ibiki. He waits a while to see the faces of the Genin. "However, before we give it to you we must first see if you willing to choose to take it or not."

_"Take it?" _thought Sasuke.

"Choose? What happens if we don't?" said Temari.

"If you choose not to, then your points will be reduced to zero and your whole team fails."

"What?! Of course we'll take it." said a random Genin.

"You didn't let me finish. You can accept the question but if you fail, you not only fail the exam but also we'll ban you from any future Chunin Exam."

"What kind of stupid rule is that? We seen other guys who took the test before!" yelled/barked Kiba/Akamaru.

"He he he. It was unlucky for you guys that you got me as your proctor. My rules my way. This is why I gave you the option of quitting because if you quit then you have the opportunity to take it again. Now then let's begin the 10th question. Those who want to leave raise their hands"

While some Genin raise their hands…

_"Damn if I fail I stay a Genin forever. If I leave then Sakura and Sasuke will skin my ass alive!"_ thought a distressed Naruto.

**"Idiot! Did you forget last time!"** yelled Kyuubi.

_"Huh?"_ He remembers what happened last time. _"Goddamn! I'm such an idiot."_

**"Damn right idiot." **

After several teams decided to back out Naruto starts to raise his hand.

_"Naruto...!!"_ thought Hinata, Sakura, and Sasuke.

"HA! I'LL NEVER RUN! Even if I become a Genin forever I will become Hokage no matter what!" yelled Naruto while standing on the desk, complete with the sunset background of the crashing waves on the rocks.

_"Geez, we didn't have to see that." _thought everyone else minus Sanji who's just woke up and Lee.

_"OH! Naruto-kun's burns with the bright flames of youth!" _cried Lee.

**"Kit, how the hell did you do that?" **

_"I have no clue." _

"_Hm, this kid's moral outburst and Gai's background brought everyone's worries into pure confidence. And yet there are still 78 more left. No point stretching this any further. _Alright those left standing………………………………………………..you pass!"

"Huh?!" said everyone else except Naruto.

_ "Ha, just like I planned." _

**"Idiot, you already did this." **

_"By the way, what happened between you and Ino?" _

**"He he he." **

When she let out that small perverse laugh Naruto put 2 and 2 together and…

"What happened?" said Sakura.

"The idiot got another massive nosebleed." said Sasuke.

"Naruto-kun…" said Hinata.

Just then somebody broke through the window while throwing two kunai tied with a flag complete with the words Second Examiner, Mitarashi Anko, is Here! And standing in front of it is none other than Anko in her standard fishnet clothing with nothing under it complete with an orange skirt, trench coat, shin guards, custom gloves and pineapple style purple hair.

"This is no time to be celebrating! I'm your second examiner Mitarashi Anko, now let's go! Follow me!" she yelled with her fist in the air. However she didn't grasp the mood in the air and instead made a fool out of herself.

"Bad timing." said Ibiki.

_"She's just as worse as Naruto."_ thought Sakura.

"78? Ibiki, don't tell me you passed 26 teams. You must be going soft." said Anko.

"It seems this year's bunch were an exception." said Ibiki.

"Whatever, it doesn't matter because by the time I'm done with them there will be less than half of you left."

When she said that the mood in the air turned into fear and worry.

"My blood boils in excitement. This should be fun." said Anko with a hint of pleasure in her voice and eyes which creeped out the Genin more. "The exam will start tomorrow so ask your Jonin sensei about the time and place. Oh and Pinky?"

"Yes?"

"Tell Kakashi I said hi." Anko said with more sadism. "That is all, Dismissed."

And so they left the room with Sasuke once again dragging Naruto's body to his apartment.

A/N: Nothing else to say.

**Jutsu list: **

**Swallow Drive – see chapter 9 **

**Buster Drive – It's basically a series of ultra-fast kicks and punches followed by a chakra enhanced finisher **

**Uchinaru Sakura no Jutsu (Inner Sakura Technique) **

**Shintenshin no Jutsu (Mind Transfer Technique) **


	11. Second Exam and the Preliminaries

A/N: I got nothing.

Disclaimer: Own nothing except a crapload of RPGs.

Legend

"…normal..."

"…_thoughts..."_

"…**Kyuubi & Inner Sakura,Ino,Tenten,Hinata,Temari talks/Jutsu**..."

"…_**Kyuubi thinks**…"_

* * *

**Chapter 11: Second Exam and the Preliminaries  
**

The next day…

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. CRASH, came the chorus of three simultaneously thrown alarm clocks at a wall and landing in a heap of other cheap alarms.

"_Goddamn alarm clock. I had a nice dream of a harem feeding me ramen."_

"_Damn clock woke me up from a paradise of sweet desserts."_

"_That was a nice dream. Too bad the damn alarm clock woke me up."_

Pointless so skipping ahead…

"Alright this is the stage for the Second Exam, otherwise known as the Forest of Death." Anko smirked.

"This place is creepy." said Sakura.

"_Eh, beats the time I snuck in Orochimaru's room back when I was trying to find__Sasuke."_ thought Naruto.

"**_This is nothing compared to that damn jutsu of Hachibi."_** thought Kyuubi.

"You will be able to experience why this place is called the Forest of Death." Anko grinned.

"You will be able to experience why this place is called the Forest of Death." Naruto mocked Anko while placing his arms on his hips and swaying them. "Ha, like there's a point in scaring us like that."

"Oh, we have an energetic one." smiled Anko.

With an unnoticeable twitch in her eyes she tossed a kunai and struck his cheek while cutting off a few hairs from a certain Grass-nin. She then appears behind Naruto.

"You know, Genin like you die the most gruesome in this exam, spraying the blood I happen to like." Anko smirked while licking his blood. "Tasty, your blood just turns me on."

Everyone except Gaara and a Grass-nin backed away from their insane instructor.

"**She's like me except I'm a demon lord while she's a mortal who I could love."** Kyuubi said seductively.

"_Oh great, now how am I going to sleep?" _

Minus the Grass-nin part, Anko explained the rules and stipulations of the Second Exam.

"Now then, are there any questions?"

"Yeah, what's there to eat?" yelled Chouji.

"Oh, there's plenty to eat in there ranging from snakes to bugs. If you're thinking of cannibalism though avoid intestines. They taste really bad."

While everyone stepped back even further…

"Yeah, but the thighs have plenty of tasty meat." said Naruto.

"And so are the arms." Anko agreed.

While both of them talk about the edibility of the human anatomy everyone thought, _"Those two are in definite need of therapy or solitary confinement."_ While the inner voices…

"**Damn right!"** yelled Inner Sakura.

"**I don't give a fuck about eating them! I want to torture them!"** yelled Inner Ino.

"**Naruto looks as hot as ever. And so does Sasuke, the one who looks like a panda, that**** straw hat guy..."** said Inner Hinata.

"**Don't care, passing this test just means one step closer to world domination!"** cackled Inner Tenten.

"**Hmm, I could get used to seeing that instructor."** said Inner Temari.

(A/N: I don't promote cannibalism. Unless I turn into a zombie, Crimson Head, or a damn Licker.)

A little later…

"Naruto, why the hell did you say that? You're no cannibal." said Sakura.

"I'm not; my 'other voice' was saying that."

"**Not my fault. We demon lords rarely eat out of hunger but we do know the tasty parts of the human anatomy."**

About 30 minutes later the exam started and everyone starts to rush in to find scrolls.

"Alright guys, I'm going to search for food and some scrolls. If you need me just use this scroll." Naruto hands them a scroll and runs off.

"What are we suppose to do with this?" yelled Sakura.

"It's a one-shot summoning scroll. Just throw it and tell the animal your command." Naruto voice trailed off.

"Don't bring back a dead body cannibal." said Sasuke.

"Fuck off teme. _Damn furball._"

Naruto trekked through the forest in search for food and ran in to a few Genin teams. They underestimated him and let's say Naruto impaled them through some trees with a certain sphere.

"One more heaven scroll than needed. Ah well, better head back."

On the way back Naruto notices the Mist-nin Nami surrounded by a team of waterfall-nin.

"What the hell do you want?" said Nami.

"Easy, we want your scroll." said one of them.

"And if I refused?"

"Then we'll take it by force." another said while all three rushed in to take her scroll.

"Pathetic." Nami sighed. She did some hand seals and performed **Suiton: Katame Kanketsusen**. Without relying on a water source she surrounded herself in a geyser that drove the Waterfall-nin straight into the air and dropping their scroll and caught it.

"_Good god she's strong."_ thought Naruto.

"**Gotta be, she can do water jutsus without the need for a water source. That's extremely rare for her age, especially since you have to be as good as the Nidaime."**

"_No nicknames?"_

"**Can't think of one."**

"I know you're there so there's no point in hiding." yelled Nami.

"_Damn, she knows we're here." _

"If you're not coming out then I'll force you out."

"I'm out I'm out!" Naruto said while trying to avoid another geyser attack.

"It's you, the stupid looking one who did that weird pose on that desk."

"Why does everyone call me an idiot?" whined Naruto.

"**Maybe because you are one and the title of this story is Blond Idiot."**

"_Shove it fox."_

Just then a three-tailed white fox came over and bit him on his ankle.

"OW!"

"Yo idiot." said the fox.

"What?" he yelled.

"Some pink broad told me to get you. Said something about some Rain-nin attacking them. But the air around there smells of snakes."

"Snakes? Aw hell!" Naruto yelled as he runs off to find his teammates.

"Hey, where's my meat?" yelled the fox. He takes a look at Nami to only have the bandaged sword in front of his face.

"Don't bother." she growled.

"Damn, and she look tasty too." the fox said as he disappeared.

"Damn, I was going to ask him for a sparring match." Nami sighed before she runs off to find her teammates.

At where Sasuke and Sakura is Orochimaru/Fruitcake is testing the potential of Sasuke after whatever happened in the anime/manga.

"Well well Sasuke. You fought well but compared to your brother, you're worthless." hissed Orochimaru.

"What?" said Sasuke.

"What I mean is that you lack power. Power that I can give to you."

"You can give me power?"

"Yes, power that you cannot imagine. With it you can finally kill your brother."

"Give it to me!" Sasuke pleaded.

"Sasuke don't!" yelled Sakura.

Orochimaru prepared to bite Sasuke neck and does but only to find out that Naruto at the last minute used **Kawarami **to switch Sasuke with a log and all Orochimaru got was a mouthful of splinters. Naruto reappears by Sakura with Sasuke.

"Hm, you must be the Kyuubi brat. No matter, hand over Sasuke to me."

"Fuck off Fruitcake. **Kafuton: Tatsumaki Homura."**

Orochimaru is surrounded by a tornado of searing flames, preventing him from moving.

Naruto took the chance to run away with Sasuke and Sakura while Orochi is immobile due to the flames. When the flames died down…

"Damn, the Kyuubi brat is stronger than I expected. No matter, I will have Sasuke. Ku ku ku." Orochimaru hissed into the darkness, or at least until Anko finds him.

Back with Team Seven…

"Good, we should be far enough from…" Naruto was cut off as Sasuke punched him.

"Why the hell did you stop me for? He was going to give me…" Sasuke was cut off as Naruto punched him back and grabs him by the shirt.

"You idiot! Did you forget my advice earlier? I said that if you have others give power to you like a spoiled brat then it proves that you're weak."

"I don't care about your stupid advice. I need power so I can kill my brother!" Sasuke yelled before Naruto punched him again.

"I don't give a fuck about your damn goals of avenging you clan!" Naruto yelled back.

"Stop it you two!" Sakura pleaded but to no avail. Naruto punched Sasuke again but dodges and instead knees him and sends him flying 3 feet. Naruto lands on his feet except that this time he's drawing power from Kyuubi.

"**Kit! Calm down!"** yelled Kyuubi but Naruto ignored her. **_"Damn, at this rate he'll maul Sasuke and this is no time to joke around with references."_**

Naruto and Sasuke then charged at each other, ready to kill each other. However at the last minute Sakura stepped in and stopped each other with kunais aimed at both of them.

"Stop it you two. This is no way to settle our problems. Naruto, I know what you said were good intentions but you have no right to call him an idiot or insult his clan."

"Heh, the dobe's being chewed out by Sakura. How pathetic." Sasuke smirked when Naruto calmed down. However Sakura faced him.

"And you, you're nothing like the Sasuke I admire. The Sasuke I admire is not somebody who's desperate for power and begs for it."

"But I need that power right now." Sasuke complained to only face a hard slap.

"Shut up. If this is the true you then I lost all respect for you. And that's because you're just a coward." Sakura said in a tone that will bring chills down Ibiki's spine.

"_Scary."_

"**Hell hath no fury than a betrayed pink haired girl with anger comparable to Poseidon at Odysseus."**

"…sorry." Sasuke muttered.

"And you Naruto?"

"I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!" Naruto fearfully apologized.

"Now then, where are we going to get two more scrolls?" said Sakura.

"_Just how does she go from anger to concern so quickly? _Don't worry, I got that covered." Naruto holds up an earth scroll and two heaven scroll?"

"Where did you get those?" inquired Sasuke.

"I impaled a few teams through some trees. I need to head to the bushes for a bit."

"Don't take too long."

While he does that…

"_Damn, that was close."_

"**Kit, summon me out."**

"_Why?"_

"**I smell the Fruitcake's bitch."**

"Where?"

"East of here, I want to mess with him."

"Why can't I?"

"Because you suck at genjutsu and he's a disgrace to all women out there."

"Fine. _Damn womanly instincts." _Naruto summoned Kyuubi out.

"I heard that! You'll deal with me during the break." She yelled while heading out to find Kabuto.

"_Damn, I wanted to mess with Kabuto." _ Naruto whined as he heads back to his team and to the tower.

Meanwhile Kyuubi went around and sniffed the air a bit until she finds Kabuto with Leech and Strerchy. She jumps in front of them. While Akado and Tsurugi are mesmerized by her beauty (or at least her chest) with nosebleeds …

"Who the hell are you?" said Kabuto.

"_Damn, I knew he was gay but I thought that he at least would have some sort of nosebleed. Time for this."_

She performed her **Kitsune-gen **and made it so all three are experiencing **Orochimaru Ougi: Kizu Nagaikoto. **While Stretchy and Leech are in La-La Land, or in medical terms vegetative coma…

"Ahh, Orochimaru's #$$#. I'm in heaven." Kabuto cried.

"Damn Orochimaru. Damn Kabuto's gay lust for him. DAMN STEVE ALLEN!"

"What does Steve Allen have to do with this?" inquired Kabuto.

"Nothing, I just hate him (A/N: I so love _Married…with Children_.)."

After numerous attempts (one involving a real **Bukoku Kesson Komata **but all it did made Kabuto into less of a man and more of Fruitcake's bitch and another involving him strapped to the chair and eyelids forced open while watching nothing but a certain purple dinosaur but all it did was make him more insane in a Orochimaru way) she finally found something that will make him cry out in pain.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Orochimaru-sama is a #$!." Kabuto cried and this is anguishing crying.

"I did not want to do that again. Kyuubi shudders (A/N: Believe me, you seriously DO NOT want to know…shudders). Either way, my job's done. Since I'm out I might as well have some fun with a few Jonin." She laughed seductively while ran out to Konoha as Kyuubi no Tenjin.

At the tower and after meeting Iruka they found out that four days are left and there's nothing much to do or entertaining except Naruto's punishment which is the usual shove-hentai-in-brain (first up: Moonlight Lady) and the swimsuit issue of Konoha Girls: S-Class Edition. So we'll skip four days to the preliminaries.

"Congratulations for passing the Second Exam! _I did say I was going to cut them in half nut I was expecting at least 10 Genin._" said Anko.

While Sarutobi talks…

"Kakashi, looks like your team passed as well. But against my team, this is as far as they will go.And for here on out it's all about real, natural ability. After all youth is sweet, sour, and sometimes strict, eh Kakashi?" said Gai.

"Huh, you said something?" said Kakashi.

"_OH MY GOD! Your attitude is so hip and at the same time irritating like hell!" _flamed Gai.

"_So that's Gai-sensei's eternal rival. He loses completely in looks…" _thought Tenten.

"_Gai-sensei is the coolest! He burns brighter than all of them combined. Watch me Gai-sensei, I'll burn as bright as you too!" _ burned Lee.

"Alright, since there are too many Genin we need to ask who's willing to forfeit. Whose first." said Hayate Gekkou.

Dosu raised his hand for Zaku because after a run-in with Gaara he's lucky that parts of his arms are still attached much less still alive. After that no one else raised their hands.

"Since no one else will forfeit we'll start the first match."

The scoreboard randomized the names and stopped on:

**Uchiha Sasuke V. Nobiyaka Kisanji **(carefree)

While everyone else went up to the stands Sasuke is pumped up for a fight while Sanji is sleeping standing up.

"I know Sasuke is good but what's with that mist guy. He looks like he's ready for early retirement." said Sakura.

"Yeah, he reminds me of Shikamaru only a lot more stupid." said Ino.

"Damn troublesome woman." muttered Shikamaru.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!" yelled Ino.

"See what I mean?" said Shikamaru while trying to cover his head from the blonde's assault.

Meanwhile on the field…

"When you're ready…BEGIN!." coughed Hayate.

Sasuke started out by throwing a few shuriken. Sanji dodged all of them but still asleep. Sasuke then charged at him and tried to punch him but Sanji dodged again while in his sleep. Sasuke repeats for a while until he finally lands a solid hit on Sanji at his face.

"Dude, I was having such a nice nap and so ruined it for me. What a drag." said Sanji lazily. However he disappeared and reappears in front of Sasuke and hits Sasuke fairly hard in his chest. Sasuke flies a few feet while coughing up a bit of blood.

"Sasuke!" yelled Sakura and Ino.

"_Damn, he's strong." _thought everyone.

"Who do you think's going to win Nami?" inquired Shiori.

"The Uchiha brat. Sanji's going to lose in the next move." said Nami.

"How do you know?"

"Battle instincts."

And true enough Sasuke kicks Sanji under the chin, use **Kage Buyo** to appear behind him and kicks his left side. From there he hits his face and punches his gut to send him falling and finishes off with a spinning kick to the gut.

"**SHISHI RENDAN!"**

Sasuke jumps back a bit and bask in the glory in a bit. However Sanji gets up for a bit.

"Damn man, you didn't have to hit that hard."

"Retaliation for hitting my face."

"Whatever man, if I was into this match you wouldn't be left alive. Either way I forfeit this match man."

"Since Sanji forfeits this match, the winner is Uchiha Sasuke." coughed Hayate.

While both combatants are heading up to the stands…

"**Smart move. In a battle if you're not prepared you're most likely going to die."** said Kyuubi.

Skipping ahead to the next match…

**Rock Lee V. Akimichi Choji**

"YOSH! I'm finally up!" cheered Lee.

"GO MY BEAUTIFUL GREEN STUDENT! SHOW THEM HOW BRIGHT THE FLAMES OF YOUTH BURNS WITHIN YOU!" yelled Gai.

"That was beautiful. GAI-SENSEI!"cried Lee.

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

At that point everyone face faulted except Tenten and Neji who left a huge dent on the rails.

"I want to forfeit." declared Chouji.

"Really, well that's too bad because after the test we're going out for Korean BBQ." said Asuma slyly.

"Really?"

"Yeah, and if things go wrong I'll jump in and stop the match for you."

"_Motivating him with food. What kind of sensei are you?"_ thought both Ino and Shikamaru.

"YEAH!!!!!!!!!" Chouji flamed while jumping off the stands to the floor below.

"He's motivated." muttered Shikamaru.

"Heh, works every time." said Asuma.

"Do your best fatass!" yelled Ino.

"Bastards, I'll get you after this match….ESPECIALLY YOU INO!"

"Heh, works every time." smirked Ino.

"When you're ready…BEGIN!"

Chouji starts out with the **Baika no Jutsu **followed by the **Nikudan Sensha**.

"I have heard of the Akimichi Clan's ability to increase their body size by converting calories to chakra. Impressive but I have no intention of losing here."

Lee stops Chouji just before he hits him with his palm. Then he kicks him into the air and followed with a bicycle kick, sending Chouji into the wall and rebounded leading to a thrust punch that knocks Chouji out. (A/N: Anybody familiar with RE4's Mercenaries should know Wesker's technique fairly well, just that this version is less lethal.)

"Akimichi Chouji is unable to continue. Winner: Rock Lee." coughed Hayate.

"YATTA! I WON GAI-SENSEI!" said Lee as he pranced around the field.

"Well done, now stop prancing around and get up here so they can start the next match."

Next matches…

**Kishi Tenten V. Sabaku no Temari**

Results: Temari finishes off Tenten when Tenten used **Soushoryu **and countered with **Kamaitachi no Jutsu. **Tenten manages to get a few scratches on Temari when she got a little cocky.

**Haruno Sakura V. Yamanaka Ino**

Results: Same as before except for a small brawl between the Pink Inferno and the Dark Mistress.

**Uzumaki Naruto V. Shiori Yomiko**

"So I'm up against the stupid looking one. This should be interesting." said Shiori.

"About time! I'm ready for anything!" yelled Naruto as he jumped off the stands.

"I don't care if you win or lose. Just don't make a fool out of yourself." said Nami.

"Don't worry. Unlike Sanji I'm ready for this match." Shiori said while closing her book.

On the field Naruto switches his look from idiot to serious determination while Shiori is calm yet analytical.

"When you're ready…BEGIN!"

However both of them don't make a move for a while as they try to analyze their opponent.

"What's with them? They haven't done anything for a while?" said Sakura.

"Don't worry, they're just trying to understand their opponent." said Kakashi.

"That girl, she's a taijutsu expert. These Mist-nin are something." said Gai.

"So who's going to win?" said Sasuke.

"It can be anyone Uchiha. But don't underestimate her, she's no pushover." said Nami.

"They're about to start." said Shino. Everyone started to look at him. "What? I haven't said anything in a while."

Naruto starts by closing in to Shiori and tried to throw a punch but Shiori gracefully dodged the attack. He tries attacking again but once again she dodges. While this keeps repeating…

"_Damn, she's almost as good as Lee but she moves like water. I really hate doing this but…_**Futon: Renkudan!"**

Naruto launches a compressed air ball aimed at Shiori. She dodges but part of her sleeve is scorched.

"_I see, he relies on ninjutsu and he's really good with it. His taijutsu needs work and I doubt he has the control for genjutsu." _Shiori thought.

"_That kid, he's making Shukaku restless."_ thought Gaara.

"_What's with Gaara. Ever since the second exam he's been acting strange." _thought Kankuro.

"_Gaara." _thought a concerned Temari.

Meanwhile…

"Alright, she's ready." Nami said.

"Ready for what?" inquired Sakura. Nami just smirked.

Naruto is about to launch another air ball when Shiori rushed in with chakra seals on her right hand. She then slams her palm into Naruto chest, sending him to the wall. Naruto drops down while coughing blood.

"**Fuin Jutsu: Ninjutsu**."

"Goddamn, what was that."

"My Kekkei Genkai: **Hoin Hirate**. This allows me to seal off ninjutsu, genjutsu, or other Kekkei Genkai abilities for a set period of time. The drawback is that I cannot seal taijutsu since it rarely relies on chakra to use but it doesn't matter since you most likely have no genjutsu or a Kekkei Genkai and I cut off your ability to use ninjutsu." Shiori smirked while adjusting her glasses.

"_Fuck, no ninjutsu and my taijutsu is only average at best. Plus I don't have my blade." _ thought Naruto.

"**Not only that but you can't rely on me unless you want to see a massacre. You're on your own kit." **

"Alright, time for me to go on the offensive." said Shiori.

She takes a stance which looks like a cross between the Gatotsu and Juken. Naruto also takes a pose but his looks like Auron in battle (Remember Luca).

"Uh, what with the weird pose?" said Sakura.

"I think he's got it confuse with a sword stance." said Kakashi.

"_That's a zanbatou pose."_ thought Nami.

"**Kit, wrong stance."**

"_Huh? Damn habit. Sure wish I can carry Shadow Fox."_

Naruto takes a different stance with him slightly slouched with his right arm down and his left arm up in a fist. Shiori starts off by charging in and lands a blow on Naruto. Naruto retaliates by kneeing her and tries hitting her with an open palm. She dodges and tries for a leg sweep. Naruto trips but does a handstand and lands on his feet but Shiori lands a few punches followed by a kick.

"_Damn. She's real good. At this rate I'll lose for sure unless I try the Drive but I have no practice. And the way she moves I can't create an opening for it."_

Shiori then surprises him and grabs him. There she throws him in the air and tries kicking him.

"Naruto, get out of the way!" yelled Sakura and Lee.

"Heh." Naruto smirked. When Shiori tried to finish him off with the kick Naruto instead forces chakra into his feet and performs a midair dodge.

"_The kid know how to airwalk?"_ thought Shiori.

"How did Naruto do that?" said Ino.

"_He's gotten good."_ thought Kiba, Shikamaru, and Tenten. Neji, Sasuke, and Shino simply "…" with interest while the rest watch him with surprise.

"He has an affinity for wind, it seems." said Asuma.

"There's more to him than it seems." said Kurenai.

"Kakashi, did you teach him that?" said Gai.

"No, but it's no surprise that he's related to Kazama Satsuki." said Kakashi.

"I see, I have heard of her and her teammates."

"Naruto-kun is burning brightly in this match." said Lee.

"Time to end this!" Naruto released the weights on his arms and legs. "Initial Gate, RELEASE!"

Naruto released the gates and rushed in to Shiori. Before she could move Naruto kicks her under the chin and sends her flying. As she flies he kicks her again, forcing her into the air further while her glasses drop. Instead of **Kage Buyo **he does a series of fast kicks combined with midair jumps. He finishes by jumping high in the air and connects Shiori with his knee, driving both of them back to earth. As soon as they hit the earth Shiori's glasses break and soon came a huge boom, causing everyone to lose their balance. When the smoke clears it reveals an unconscious Shiori and half of Naruto in the ground.

"What was that technique he used Gai-sensei?"

"That was the **Swallow Drive**."

Gai goes on about describing the Drive and Kakashi finishes by telling everyone the users.

"HEY! LET ME OUT!" muffled Naruto.

"Shiori is unable to continue. Winner: Uzumaki Naruto." coughed Hayate.

"IS ANYBODY GETTING ME OUT OF HERE?".

"Wow, when did Naruto got so good?" thought the majority of the Rookie Nine.

"_Damn, when did he get so good?" _ Sasuke silently cursed.

"Yeah! Naruto, you won!" yelled Sakura.

"Naruto-kun, you have shown how bright your youth burns!" yelled Lee.

"Way to go Naruto-kun." said Hinata.

"I appreciate the praise but…SOMEBODY GET THE FUCK DOWN HERE AND FUCKING PULL ME OUT!"

Kakashi jumps in and pulls Naruto out. While they clean up the field a bit…

"_Damn, you fought a good match Shiori but as soon as my turns come up I'll win for all three of us." _ thought Nami.

Next match…

**Mizudori Nami V. Hyuuga Hinata**

"Well speak of the devil." Nami smirked.

Hinata looks as if she seen death.

"_Hinata."_ thought Kiba, Shino, and Kurenai.

While both combatants are heading down…

"Hinata-sama will lose this match." Neji said.

"And why is that Fate Boy?" said Naruto.

"Because it's her destiny to lose. She desires peace and avoids fights. She agrees with others and never make her own decisions." Neji rambles on about the Fate crack.

"So what! Even if she's like that she's still have a chance of winning."

"And why is that?"

"Because I know she'll win. And anybody can break the chains of fate."

"We'll just see if she can."

"Hinata, show her you can win!"

Hinata, with newfound confidence, is ready to fight.

"When you're ready…BEGIN!"

Hinata activated her Byakugan and went into the Juken stance. Hinata rushed in and did a series of attacks. Nami dodges while trying to prevent her from sealing off her chakra points. However Nami tripped from the uneven field and Hinata took the chance to strike a point on her right arm. Hinata then strikes a few more points, forcing Nami to her knees.

"_Damn, I got careless."_

"Way to go Hinata!" praised Naruto.

"Show her what you're made of!" Sakura and Ino yelled.

"Damn loud kunoichis." muttered Sasuke and Shikamaru.

Hinata tries to finish the match by striking a few vital points. Nami however…

"Psyche." Nami smirked. She grabbed her sword and swung her blade, striking Hinata with the flat end of the blade and sent her flying a few feet.

"Don't underestimate me. I am after all the daughter of Hiryu Mizudori, one of the Seven Swordsman of the Mist."

"No way." said Sakura.

"So that's why she carries that gigantic blade." said Sasuke.

"Not good." said Naruto.

"Time to end this." Nami forms some hand seals.

"Damn it!" Naruto jumped off the stands.

"Naruto!" yelled Kakashi.

"_I won't let you die again." _reminisced Naruto as he runs.

Flashback…sorta…

"Hinata…why?" said a 19 year old Naruto.

"Naruto-kun, don't worry its fine." said a dying Hinata with kunais stuck to her back.

"That's not what I meant. Why did you take the hit for me."

"It's because I love you and I know you love someone else but that doesn't change my feelings."

"Hinata…"

"Goodbye, my love…" Hinata said her last words and the air was full of angish.

End flashback…

"**Suiton: Daibakufu no Jutsu**!"

Nami launches a powerful blast of water aimed towards Hinata but Naruto pushed her out of the way and took the hit. The torrent struck Naruto and sent him to the wall. Naruto screamed in pain.

"NARUTO!!!" was all he heard before he blacked out.

* * *

A/N: And I'm done. And sorry for the Naru/Hina moment to be so short. It's just that I'm not good at writing anything involving a bit of romance. Later cowboys. 

A/N/N: that's about as close as you can get to Naru/Hina in this story

**Jutsu list:**

**Suiton: Katame Kanketsuken (Water Release: Defense Geyser) - Unlike the water Encampment Wall this technique drives people and attacks straight into the air**

**Kawarami no Jutsu (Replacement Technique)**

**Kafuton: Tatsumaki Homura (Fire and Wind Release: Tornado Flame) - See chapter 1**

**Kitsune Youjutsu: Kitsune-gen (Fox Magic: Fox Illusion) – See chapter 4**

**Orochimaru Ougi: Kizu Nagaikoto (Orochimaru Secret Technique: Scar for Long Time) – See chapter 2**

**Bukoku Kessen Komata (False Accusation of Losing Crotch) – See chapter 3**

**Kage Buyo (Shadow of the Dancing Leaf)**

**Shishi Rendan (Lion Combo)**

**Baika no Jutsu (Multi-Size Technique)**

**Nikudan Sensha (Human Bullet Tank)**

**Soushoryu (Twin Rising Dragon)**

**Kamaitachi no Jutsu (Cutting Whirlwind Technique)**

**Futon: Renkudan (Wind Release: Drilling Air Bullet)**

**Hoin Hirate (Sealing Palm) – Shiori's Kekkei Genkai that allows her to seal off either Ninjutsu, Genjutsu, or Kekkei Genkai for some time**

**Fuin Jutsu: Ninjutsu **

**Swallow Drive – See chapter 9**

**Suiton: Daibakufu no Jutsu (Water Release: Great Waterfall Technique)**


	12. Training, Jiraiya, and Kinjutsu

A/N: Okay, if you were disappointed with that last part in my last chapter, so was I. And I can't stress this enough but there is no Naru/Hina in this fic and I do emphasize action and humor before romance. The best I can do is to influence romance. And also once I get the chance I'll add a different scenario to Hinata's death in a later chapter. On a more positive note I have no more Finals and got a month off. YEAH! So I have more time devoted to fics and games. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: If I own Naruto then my wallet wouldn't be so empty.

Legend

"…normal…"

"…_thoughts…"_

"…**Kyuubi & Inner Voices talks/Jutsu**…"

"…_**Kyuubi thinks**…"_

* * *

**Chapter 12: Training, Jiraiya, and Kinjutsu**

"Ugh, my head." moaned Naruto.

"No shit Sherlock. You took a **Daibakufu** jutsu for Shyguy (Hinata) and landed in the hospital for the last few days. Mind you, you did have interesting visitors and I finally got to watch Icha Icha Soap Opera in peace."

"Damn I missed it."

"Ah don't worry. It was a rerun anyways."

Just then the door opened to reveal Haku, Sakura, and a nervous Hinata.

"Oh, you're awake Naruto-kun." said Haku.

"Yeah, um what happened after I got knocked out."

"Oh right. Well that Neji guy Juken the hell out of Kiba easily, Shikamaru used his **Kagemane** to trick that sound girl to hit her head at the wall behind her, Shino and the face-paint guy couldn't continue because they were in a position where if they do one move the other does the same. And that Gaara completely obliterated that Sound guy."

"I see and what are the arrangements for the Third Exam?"

Haku pulled out a paper and showed:

**First Match: Hyuuga Neji v. Rock Lee**

**Second Match: Uchiha Sasuke v. Sabaku no Gaara**

**Third Match: Nara Shikamaru v. Sabaku no Temari**

**Fourth Match: Uzumaki Naruto v. Mizudori Nami**

"_So I'm against the Mist-chick."_ thought Naruto.

"**Kit, you better train because from what I can sense she's clearly Jonin level."** said Kyuubi.

"_I know. I better find Ero-sennin fast."_

"Ano…Naruto-kun." said Hinata.

"What is it Hinata?"

"I-I wanted t-to sa-say th-that…" Hinata stuttered before the door was kicked opened to reveal Lee in his fishbowl-headed green glory.

"YOSH NARUTO-KUN! CONGRADULATIONS ON SUCH A WONDERFUL MATCH! YOUR YOUTH BURNS LIKE THE FIRES OF A MILLION SUNS!" Lee yelled.

"Lee, keep your voice down. It's a hospital." said Sakura.

Hinata was too busy covering her ears while inside…

"**DAMN THAT LEE! I DON'T CARE IF HE DOES HAVE MUSCLES UNDER THAT GOD AWFUL SUIT, HE RUINED THE PERFECT MOMENT WITH NARUTO!"** roared Inner Hinata.

"SORRY SAKURA-SAN! I WILL TRY TO KEEP MY VOICE DOWN AND IF I CAN'T DO THAT THEN I MUST RUN AROUND KONOHA 1000 TIMES! AND IF I CAN'T DO THAT THEN I MUST DO THE SAME BUT WITHOUT MY CLOTHES! AND IF I…" Lee was cut off as he suddenly fainted face-first with a tranquilizer dart sticking out the back of his neck.

"_Thank God we don't have to see that." _ thought everyone in the room, including the nurse with a dart gun.

"Damn Gai clone. Anyways Haku-san…NOW!" said the nurse. Haku nodded and proceeded to freeze Naruto's limbs to the ground.

"Huh? What's happening?" Naruto yelled while struggling to get free.

"Sorry Naruto-kun but they paid me to do this and we do need the money." Haku confessed. The nurse approached Naruto with a sterilized needle.

"LET ME OUT LET ME OUT!" screamed Naruto. Soon enough the air is full of painful screams.

A little later…

"Goddamn doctor. I swear they're all out to get me." swore Naruto.

"**Just like Nibi. I bet she still have grudges against them after all these years."**

"Hey old man!" yelled a kid/salesman.

"I'm not old, I'm only 12. _Technically 22._" said Naruto.

"Whatever old man. Wanna buy a shield, makes really good soup."

"Sorry kid but I got to find a really old perverted hermit."

"Oh him. I saw him at a hot spring."

"Really? Thanks kid!" Naruto ran a few feet before the kid tripped him.

"I gave you what you want now you must give me what I want." the kid said.

"Screw you kid."

"Help! This blond with whiskers is trying to have his way with me!"

"Alright, I'll buy the stupid shield."

"Thank you."

"Damn kid." Naruratto grumbled as Gama-chan deflated somewhat.

"**Damn brat."**

"_What's with you?"_

"**He's must be a descendant of that bastard that sold me that shield from long ago. It did make good stock though."**

At the hot spring Naruto searched around the women's baths and found none other than Super Pervert Extraordinaire Jiraiya giggling perversely at women bathing. Naruto  
starts to remember back in a different timeline that Jiraiya died a peaceful death and thusly didn't get involved with the Konoha/Oto War. He starts to honor his death for a while…before that entire honor is completely replaced by anger and memories of Jiraiya's perverted escapades and cases of Naruto getting mauled by angry women. Notable incidents include the time at Sunagakure…

Flashback…

Jiraiya is outside a bathhouse and as usual doing 'research' when Naruto appeared behind him.

"HEY ERO-SENNIN! STOP PEEKING AT THE BATHS AND TRAIN ME ALREADY!" yelled Naruto.

"Shut up brat! I'm busy here." said Jiraiya.

"WHO'S OUT THERE!" yelled a voice.

"Sorry kid, I'm outta here. **Toton Jutsu!" **Jiraiya said before he disappeared.

"Crap, where the hell did he yelled Temari in a towel with her fan.

"Oh crap Temari. It's not my fault!" pleaded Naruto to no avail.

"Listen Naruto. I won't kill you since you technically brought my brother out of his shell and also brought my family closer. But that won't stop you from an eternity of pain!"

"Oh crap." was all can be heard before Temari struck Naruto in the nads with a chakra enhanced fan.

End Flashback…

And there was the Human Shield Incident at Kusagakure…

Flashback…

"Damn you Ero-sennin. Why did you have to piss off all those women?" yelled a running Naruto.

"Shut up and run like hell!" yelled back Jiraiya.

At the moment the women started to throw objects.

"Not the head, not the head!" yelled Jiraiya.

"What are you planning to do about it?"

"This!" Jiraiya picked up Naruto and used him as a human shield to block the objects. Naruto did not have the time to argue as he was hit by their techniques Bucket Day (barrage of buckets), Baseball Week (barrage of baseballs), Bat Month (barrage of bats), and the Year of the Brick (barrage of bricks).

End Flashback…

And who could ever forget the Night at Rain's Red Light District…

Flashback…

"DAMN YOU ERO-SENNIN. YOU GET THE NORMAL ONE AND YOU LEAVE ME WITH THIS CRAZY BITCH!" yelled Naruto before his whore chained him up.

"You know, I love it when people call me a crazy bitch." She said.

"FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU ERO-SENNINNNNNN!!!!!!!!"

End Flashback…

At this point Naruto is fuming in anger. But Naruto's not going to kill him so instead he approaches Jiraiya from behind and does the next best thing.

"**KONOHAGAKURE HIDEN: TAIJUTSU NO OUGI: SENNEN GOROSHI!!!!!!!!!" **yelled an enraged Naruto.

Naruto used a fox chakra-enhanced ass poke to launch Jiraiya in the air and made him land in the baths.

"AIIIIIEEEEEEEE!" screamed the women.

Naruto then used a **Henge** to change into a little girl and said "Help, this dirty old man tried touching me!"

Just as Jiraiya regained consciousness he got the beating of his life by a platoon led by Anko and a battalion led by Kurenai.

"Hehehehe. Take that for those last three flashbacks." sniggered Naruto.

At the time Kyuubi summoned herself out without Naruto knowing and participated in the beating and roasting of the perverted sage.

Somewhere in Heaven or some other afterlife Arashi/Yondi and his teammates are currently laughing their asses off.

A little later Naruto took a nap in a clearing to only wake up to a fuming Jiraiya.

"You brat! You'll pay for this!" threatened Jiraiya.

"Sorry about that but I need you to do something for me."

"And why should I?" said Jiraya. Naruto sighs and retaliates with the **Oiroke no Jutsu**. At this point…

"GENIUS! ABSOLUTE GENIUS!" Jiraiya gave the thumbs up.

"_Goddamn it._" Naruto sighed in defeat. "So are you gonna help me?"

"On the condition that you must wear that genius jutsu around me at all times." Jiraiya said with a very faint nosebleed.

"HELL NO ERO-SENNIN! I rather read Icha Icha Yaoi than do that! But not in this universe." yelled Naruto who dropped the henge.

"**RAITON: RAIRYUHA**!" yelled a running Satsuki while charging up a lightning dragon.

"Satsuki stop!" yelled Naruto. She did but fell on her face.

"Damn it Naruto. Who's the old man?"

"I AM MT. MYOMOKU-GAMA HOLY MASTER SENNIN. ALSO KNOWN AS THE GREAT TOAD SANNIN JIRAIYA AND AUTHOR OF THE LEGENDARY ICHA ICHA SERIES!" yelled Jiraiya while doing the cheesy dance.

"Oh." Satsuki smiled. Unfortunately for Jiraiya…

"**Satsuki Ougi: Hentai Jokyaku: Mannen Goroshi!"**

Satsuki immediately charged up her leg with chakra and immediately kicked Jiraiya squarely in the nut sack while at the same time sent him flying straight in the air. As he descends she does another but has him flying somewhere close to a hospital.

"This is for putting me in your goddamn book!"

"Ay sis, he was going to help…" Naruto was cut off as Satsuki booted him in the face.

"Damn **Oiroke no Jutsu**……he has a bigger chest than me." Satsuki fumed while blushing.

A little later after some reconstructive surgery…

"Okay from what you're telling me you want to have **Gravity Seals** placed on you. Do you know the adverse effects on having them?" said Jiraiya.

"I do and I'm prepared."

"Do you know how to summon the fox's chakra?"

"Yeah."

"You know how to tame the Kyuubi no Kitsune?" said an estatic Satsuki.

"Uh don't say tame. She rather call it 'forced repression within the idiot'"

"**DAMN RIGHT!"**

"And before you get any ideas she was the one who started the bonfire Ero-sennin." said Naruto before Jiraiya backed off a bit.

"Crap, well why not try summoning toads? Hell, besides Gamabunta, they're awesome."

"I already know how to summon." said Naruto.

"Show me." said Jiraiya.

"Yeah, I want to know who you can summon." said an eager Satsuki.

"Okay!" Naruto bit his thumb and used **Kuchiyose** to try and summon a fox. However he wasn't expecting…

"JIRAIYA! HAVEN'T I TOLD YOU NOT TO SUMMON ME!" bellowed the Toad Boss Gamabunta.

"Naruto! How the hell did you summon the toad boss without signing the contract?" yelled Jiraiya.

"I don't know!" yelled Naruto. _"Hey Furball, how the hell did I summon Gamabunta without signing the contract?"_

"**Kit, did you forget in Chapter 2 and 4 that you can have more than one pact with summons. And I still want to see the human that has more than two pacts." **said Kyuubi.

Somewhere in Spira Yuna sneezed.

And in another universe Cloud sneezed.

"WHAAAT! This stupid looking brat manages to summon me on his first try? Impossible!" roared Gamabunta.

"SHUT IT TOAD! I SUMMONED YOU AND DEAL WITH IT. AND IF YOU DON'T THEN BE READY TO BECOME MY NEW WALLET!" yelled Naruto.

Gamabunta was taken back by the complete insult but instead of the usual test he laughed hysterically.

"Brat, you got guts that I haven't seen since the late Arashi. Alright, as soon as you can drink I'm officially making you my subordinate. Jiraiya, I don't want you summoning me." Gamabunta said before he disappeared.

"Well it seems you got the respect of the Toad Boss. I'm impressed. Meet me at the same spot in a few days to perform the seals. I need to do some 'preparations'." Jiraiya let off a perverse giggle before disappearing in a swirl of leaves.

"Goddamn Ero-sennin." muttered Naruto.

"What's with the shield?" said Satsuki.

"Goddamn kid." muttered Naruto.

"Uh okay. I'll be back by nightfall. Prepare dinner by then." said Satsuki as she disappears.

"Goddamn sister." muttered Naruto.

Later that night…

"So…you got conned into buying junk from that kid eh." said Naruto.

"Goddamn kid threatened me to buy this damn shield by almost telling everyone I touched him." growled Satsuki.

"Same here except instead of touching him he tried telling everyone that I want to do the missionary with him." growled Haku.

"AND HE CALLED ME OLD!" yelled both of them.

"Well, at least it actually makes good soup." sighed Naruto.

A few days later Jiraya, after doing some of his 'research' (which involved girls playing in water and a **Meisai no Jutsu**), prepared the seals by writing in Naruto's blood. Then with some handseals…

"**Fuin Jutsu: Inryoku Han."**

The seals on Naruto start to glow purple for a while and disappeared. As soon as they do

Naruto breathing starts to become a bit heavy.

"Damn, this is a whole lot tougher than increasing my weights to 400 lbs." Naruto struggled.

"Interesting. Most people usually are flattened when the seals take effect. Well then I'm taking off to do more research." Jiraiya said before he disappeared whit a perverse laugh.

Alright for the next three weeks Naruto trained like hell and tried to improve his control over the **Bakyu Rasengan** because once he manages a few of them he can finally work on the **UN Rasengan**. He also worked on his strength and speed so he can try lifting his damn stingy blade.

"Goddamn Shadow Fox has to be stingy."

"Don't worry about lifting it. Just focus on getting stronger."

Since this is going nowhere we'll se how others are doing.

Neji…

"**Hakkesho: Kaiten!"** Neji yelled as he blocked a barrage of kunais, daggers, and a few morning stars and flails.

"Wow Neji, this time you managed to block all my weapons." said an amazed Tenten.

"Yes, but I used too much chakra. Let's take a break and continue later." said Neji.

"Okay!" said Tenten as she picking up the arsenal of blades, spears, maces, flails, and kitchen sinks.

Lee…

"HAA!" Lee yelled as he sparred with Gai. Lee tried a series of punches that Gai blocked with his arms and Lee went for a leg sweep that knocks Gai off his feet. As Gai about to fall Lee then tries to finish with a back kick but before he can perform it Gai immediately lands on his hands and kicked Lee and sent him flying.

"You're still too slow to hit the Green Beast himself." said Gai as Lee lands on the ground.

"Once again Gai-sensei, your youth has overcome me once again."

"Yes, but enough talk about youth. Let's continue training." Gai said as both of them went at it again.

Nami…

"HYAHH!" Nami yelled at some spot in a forest while practicing a **Teppodama**. Here she is surrounded by overturned trees, craters, and mud puddles. She then proceeds to unleash a **Suiton: Uminomokuzu** to completely submerge the area in one huge watery grave and crush the trees with water pressure.

"Geez Nami. You didn't have to completely submerge the whole area and crush it." said Shiori who's currently standing on an island she created by slamming her fist into the ground. Sanji barely avoids his grave by barely being on the edge of the island while sleeping. Nami however stands in the middle of the flood completely dry and surrounded by a wall of water.

"Sorry but I have to train hard because that blond kid will go all out to win in the Third Exam."

"How do you know that?" said Shiori.

"Swordsman instinct." Nami said as the water starts to submerge into the ground. However she starts to perform the seals for a much brutal water jutsu that will be seen two chapters later.

Shikamaru's training remains the same probably and Sasuke's training remains the same but with more of a driving urge to beat Gaara and Neji so he can fight Naruto in the finals. As for Gaara he was heading towards Sasuke but halfway he's stopped by Naruto.

"Hello Gaara, I expect you're going to find Sasuke right." said Naruto.

"That is none of your business." said Gaara coldly.

"It does. Tell me, do you have someone that's important to you?" said Naruto, repeating Haku's words.

"Why?'

"They say that if a person has someone to protect they can become stronger than before."

"Sorry but no one deserves to live. They all should die by my hands. That is why I exist."

"Is that all it is to you? Pathetic."

"What?"

"People like you who stay the way they are will remain that way for the rest of their lives and eventually they will die on the inside."

"What do you know about loneliness?"

"Easy, I've went through a majority of my life alone until someone truly acknowledge for who I am and not something in my gut that's sex deprived and annoys the hell out of me."

"It does not matter. You'll will die." Gaara starts to walk past him.

"Ah well, it was worth a shot." Naruto said before disappearing as a **kage bunshin**.

At a undisclosed spot in a forest…

"Damn, I was hoping it would work." said Naruto.

"**It could over time. Now about that sex-deprived comment."**

Sometime during the fourth week…

"**BAKYU RASENGAN!**" Naruto yelled while trapping a **kage bunshin** that disappeared. "Alright time for the **UN Rasengan**."

"**Before we do that there's something I got to tell you. First off we need to talk face to face." **said Kyuubi. Naruto then enters Kyuubi's room.

"Alright, I'm here so what do you want?"

"**Remember what I said earlier in Chapter 10 about training as hard as you can?" **said Kyuubi.

Flashback…

"Thanks for the positive reassurance." said Naruto sarcastically.

"**Don't be like that, just train as hard as you can until the time is right."**

"Time for what?"

"**You'll see in four chapters."**

End flashback…

"Yeah, what about it?" said Naruto.

"**Well, you're ready for it and plus the author meant to show it in the next chapter but he got lazy."**

"What is it?"

"**It's a type of Kinjutsu that forces you age to a certain extent. In this case you'll be 18."**

"What?! You mean that…" Naruto was cut off.

"**Before you get any ideas this jutsu is forbidden because of the high chance of death and mortality rate. Also originally I wasn't hoping to use this but I doubt you'll win against your fight with that Mist-chick."**

(A/N: The reason I'm giving it a high death and mortality rate is that I seen fics where Naruto ages with no adverse effects. This way I'm giving it a more forbidden feel.)

"Yeah, she's good."

"**Anyways the reason I made you train so hard is that it reduces the chance that you'll die. As of right now you pretty much have a 70/30 chance of death."**

"That low?"

"**Yes, only a few people tried it and actually lived from it. Other times it was tried in some hidden wars lost in the reaches of time and paid the consequences."**

"Okay, are there any other effects I should be aware of?"

"**Well, besides the increase in age, you'll basically feel 18 all over again. That means increased senses, increase in abilities, pretty much what you had when you were 18 and then some."**

"And them some?"

"**Don't ask. The only thing preventing me from doing this is your consent. So what do you think?"**

"Just one question, am I'm able to take on the snake bastard?"

"**I don't know but all I can say is that you have a slight chance of taking him down and I stress the slight chance."**

"What about you? If I die then you as well."

"**I already said that I'm a proud demon whose gonna stick with you until the day you die. So what's your answer?"**

There's a long pause before: "Alright, let's go for it."

"**Are you sure."**

"Heh, I never back down on my word. That is my nindo." he said with a combination of both a foxy grin and the nice guy pose.

"**Heh, in these kind of situations you really surprise me. I could really fall for a guy like** **that."** Kyuubi said while saying the last sentence barely audible.

"What?"

"**Never mind. Go back outside and summon me."**

He does that and summons Kyuubi. Naruto sits down while Kyuubi takes a standing position and creates a **Sound Barrier** to block off the screams. Before she does anything she goes off to find a tree occupied by Satsuki, Haku, and a bloodied Jiraiya.

"**It's best that you leave for now. Right now I'll be doing a Kinjutsu that has a high probability of death with positive results."**

"What? He's gonna die?" said Satsuki.

"I won't allow that." said Haku as the air around them starts to become demonic cold.

Jiraiya however…

"Tell me, he did this of his free will right?"

"Yup Ero-sennin." said Naruto who popped out of nowhere.

"Why are you going with this?" said both Satsuki and Haku.

"Sometimes I wonder why I do half the things I do without thinking about it. But don't worry, I've been in numerous life or death situations so many times that I practically buddies with Death."

"**Unfortunately yes."** Kyuubi sighed.

"Are you sure about this?" said Jiraiya.

"I'm positive."

"Alright but if you die from this not only am I losing the few people I have left as my family but others as well." said Haku.

"Also, I will never forgive you because you died of something as stupid as this." said Satsuki.

"I only known you for less than a month but it wouldn't be good to see these two lovely ladies depressed." Jiraiya said, putting his hands on their shoulders.

"You never learn your lesson do you." threatened Haku.

"Be glad neither Nemuri or Koyuki are here. Nemuri would show you the different ways the human body can bend with muscles they don't normally use. Now Koyuki, she do far worse than that." said Satsuki with sadism. Jiraiya backed off.

"Oh, Hold on to these sis." Naruto takes off his hitai-ate, Tsunade's necklace, and his summoning scroll.

"Hey kid, where did you get that necklace?" asked Jiraiya.

"Won it off a bet with a drunk." Naruto half-lied.

"Looks like the one Tsunade has."

"Not likely, the person I got it off was a brunette with scars. Plus he was a guy." Naruto lied for real.

"Well whatever. If you survive, is there anything you want."

"Well, you can give me a copy of Icha Icha Paradise Vol. 5 since I'm still missing that from my collection."

"So we have another pervert. Hehehe, just like Arashi. Okay kid!" yelled Jiraiya before disappearing in a swirl of leaves.

Haku though gave Naruto a hug. "Be careful."

Satsuki did the same. "Same here brother. I hate to be alone again."

"Don't worry sis. I won't die. I promise." Naruto sealed the promise with the nice guy pose again. "Oh and don't tell anyone else should I live. I want to make a big surprise at the quarterfinals."

Satsuki and Haku smiled before disappearing. Both Kyuubi and Naruto went back to the clearing and resume their positions.

"**Before I do this you will feel pain for 3 days as it takes this long to take effect. And when I mean pain I mean physical pain far worse than the Cruciatus Curse but without the slight chance of losing your sanity."**

"I felt and seen worse."

"**That's true. Alright here we go."** She performs numerous hand seals (about 150 in all) before yelling out: **"KINJUTSU: WAZATORASHII TEINEN!"**

As soon as she said that she extends her hands forward and an extremely intricate circle appears below Naruto. However Naruto starts to yell out in pain.

"**Don't die on me kit."** said Kyuubi.

Naruto starts to cripple in pain before yelling out in pain…

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Naruto.

* * *

A/N: And I'm done and. If any of you are interested read my other fic Naruko the Flat Chested. Let's say it's funny like hell. Until then (since its 12/23/06 when I finish this) have an early Merry Christmas (Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, or any other religious holiday) cowboys. 

**Jutsu list:**

**Suiton: Daibakufu no Jutsu (Water Release: Great Waterfall Technique)**

**Kagemane no Jutsu (Shadow Imitation Technique) **

**Toton Jutsu (Transparent Escape Technique)**

**Konohagakure Hiden: Taijutsu no Ougi: Sennen Goroshi (Konohagakure Hidden Secret: Taijutsu Secret Technique: Thousand Years of Death)**

**Henge no Jutsu (Transformation Technique)**

**Oiroke no Jutsu (Sexy Technique)**

**Raiton: Rairyuha (Lightning Dragin Wave) - This creates a dragon composed of pure lightening and can be launched at the opponent**

**Satsuki Ougi: Hentai Jokyaku: Mannen Goroshi (Satsuki Ultimate Technique: Pervert Elimination: Ten Thousand Years of Death) – Satsuki's answer to perverts like Jiraiya. Capable of ending bloodlines before reconstructive surgery**

**Kuchiyose no Jutsu (Summoning Technique)**

**Meisai no Jutsu (Camoflage Technique) – Allows the user to blend within their surroundings. Unfortunately for Jiraiya Tsunade can see through this as well**

**Fuin Jutsu: Inryoku Han (Sealing Technique: Gravity Seals) – Seals that allow a person to increase the gravity placed on who they use it on. Training purposes only.**

**Bakyu Rasengan (Vacuum Rasengan) – See chapter 1**

**Uzumaki Naruto Rasengan (Whirlpool Maelstrom Rasengan) – See chapter 1**

**Hakkesho Kaiten (Eight Trigrams Heavenly Spin)**

**Suiton: Teppodama (Water Release: Gunshot)**

**Suiton: Uminomokuzu (Water Release: Watery Grave) – This allows the user the surround the area with water and then forcibly increase water pressure to the point where they are crushed within moments**

**Kage Bunshin no Jutsu (Shadow Clone Technique)**

**Kinjutsu: Wazatorashii Teinen (Forbidden Technique: Forced Age Limit) – A forbidden technique that forces a person to age to a certain extent. Because of its high death and mortality rate it is as forbidden as a certain Genjutsu**


	13. Chunin Finals

**Outside in an undisclosed location an angry mob forms (complete with torches and various types of weaponry).**

**Azrael: What the hell do they want? I'm almost done!**

**Kakashi: So what are you gonna do?**

**Azrael: THIS! (Proceeds to throw Kakashi outside window) STALL THEM FOR ME!**

**Kakashi: (lands in front of them) _I'll get him for this._ Uh…sorry for the fic being late but Azrael got a wallet as a gift without any cash so he went to a temple to bless himself.**

**Random Angry Guy: We know about your damn excuses! GET HIM!**

**(Mob proceeds to maul him)**

**Kakashi: Not the face! Not the face!**

**Azrael: (sticks head out of window) ALRIGHT! I HAVE IT RIGHT HERE! JUST READ THE A/N FIRST!**

**A/N: Ignoring the mob…sorry for the fic being over a month late but problems with the first fight was tough and also I got other reasons (FFXII, Skies of Arcadia Legends, Chrono Cross, Black Lagoon, Radiata Stories, and a whole lot of stuff). Besides all that I'm leaning towards a Naru/FemKyuu but this story will be a long one so I'll take my time (especially since I got nothing between Naruto v. Sasuke and Akatsuki). And I will revise my first chapter later. Thanks for the reviews and enjoy!**

**Azrael: YOU HAPPY NOW!**

**Kakashi: No. (Pushes me out of window)**

**Angry mob begins to maul me.**

**Azrael: Not the face! Not the face! NOT THERE!**

**Kakashi: Now I'm happy. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto but I own any other original characters appearing in this story.**

**Legend**

"…normal..."

"…_thoughts..."_

"…**Kyuubi talks/Jutsu..."**

"…**_Kyuubi thinks…"_**

**Chapter 14: Chunin Finals: Lee v. Neji and Temari v. Shikamaru. Throw in Betting Too.**

The day of the Third Exam…

From the majority of Konoha and them some spectators piled up at the stadium to see Chunin hopefuls go all out to be promoted. And they are eager to see the awaited match between Hyuuga Neji and Uchiha Sasuke in the semi-finals…oh and the other matches too. And soon enough the stadium is filled out and all the combatants are on the field…minus Sasuke and Naruto.

"Where's Sasuke-kun?" said Ino.

"Yeah, and Naruto's not here either?" said Sakura.

"Don't worry, he'll be fine." said Haku who sat down next to Sakura.

"Heh, he'll come. It's like a Kazama to make a big entrance." said Satsuki.

"How do you know?" said Sakura.

"We have this feeling that he's fine." said Haku.

"This is going to be one hell of a Third Exam." said Nemuri who just sat down.

"Guess you took off work to see this huh?" asked Satsuki.

"Are you kidding? If I missed this I would regret it for all eternity." said back Nemuri.

"Reminds you of our exam huh Nemuri." said another woman who sat next to Nemuri. (22 ½, 5ft. 4, reddish black upper back length hair that's tied in a ponytail, more or less a female version of Itachi's hair, black eyes with a grayish tint to them. Her build is slender but she looks really attractive. She's currently dressed in a gray shirt with ripped black jeans, a black sash around her arm, a fang earring on her left earlobe, and the usual sandals.)

"Hey Koyuki, it's been a long time." said Satsuki.

Unfortunately for Koyuki…

"KOYUKI-CHAN!" Nemuri yelled before giving Koyuki a bone-crushing hug.

"Ack! Nemuri, I can't breathe." Koyuki said, turning blue before Nemuri broke off the hug.

"Sorry, it's been too long." Nemuri apologized.

"She did the same thing to me." sighed Satsuki.

While the three are talking…

"What's with them?" asked Ino.

"The blonde is Naruto's crazy sister Satsuki. The bone crusher is Nemuri who owns the House of Style. The other one I don't know but from the way Nemuri crushed her she's got to be a close friend." said Haku.

"I didn't know Naruto had an older sister." said Ino.

"Neither did us. But then this was before the Yuki mission." said Sakura.

"And how is she crazy?" asked Ino.

"You're better off not knowing." sighed Haku.

"Either way, who do you think is gonna win the first round?" said Sakura.

"I say Neji in the first match. Sasuke-kun obviously gonna win his match and I know for a fact that Shikamaru would probably think fighting is too troublesome." said Ino.

"You don't have faith in him?"

"I never said that. Usually some sort of twist of fate will make him fight."

"Okay and what about Naruto's fight?"

"Tough choice. We always thought Naruto was a prankster who could never be serious about anything but his match against the one with the glasses surprised us all, especially that move he did. Then again we still don't know much about his opponent."

"Like I said. Nami is no pushover and she trained too much to pass this opportunity." said Shiori who took a seat behind Ino.

"Where's your friend?" asked Hinata who just sat down.

"Right here ladies." said Sanji.

"So you think she's gonna win" said Sakura.

"Yes, but it'll be a close win. And you better hope that blond kid gets here or else Nami will do more than submerge Konoha in one huge flash flood."

"By Nami, you mean Mizudori Nami. Daughter of Mizudori Hiryu, third-in-command of the Seven Shinobi Swordsmen of the Mist?" stated Haku.

"You know him?"

"I was a former hunter-nin of Mist and he was one of the few members to remain loyal to the Sandaime Mizukage."

"Um, actually they elected a new Mizukage last month after numerous scandals involving the Yakuza, drugs, smuggling, hell he had a resume bad enough to make the devil himself a saint." said Sanji.

"Ah. _You hear that Zabuza? The bastard been caught."_

Meanwhile…

"I hear ya loud and clear." said Zabuza as he wanders Hell in search for the ultimate demon.

At the Hokage Box…

"Well well Kazekage-dono, it's been a while." greeted Sarutobi.

"Same to you." replied Kaze/Oro.

"You must be tired from the journey over here."

"Not at all. Be glad the exams are held here or else you'll be exhausted before you reach the exams. Maybe it's time you decided on selecting the Fifth?"

"Heh, don't treat me like an old man. I plan on doing this job for another five years."

"Ah, Kazekage and Hokage-dono. We finally meet." said a man in blue robes.

"You must be the Yondaime Mizukage. It's a pleasure to finally meet you. I expect things are well after you succeeded the Sandaime Hokage." said Sarutobi.

"It's slow but eventually Kirigakure will return to its former glory."

"And I expect you want to see your Nami win her match against our Naruto."

"We expect her to do her best as the daughter of our Hiryu. Of course she'll win."

"She's no match for our Gaara."

"Oh really, want to make a bet."

"Now now, they're about to start the match and I doubt you want to be Tsunade." said Sarutobi. He went up and used **Kakuseiki no Jutsu** to magnify his voice so everyone can hear. "Thanks for coming to Konoha's Chuunin Exams. We will now start the main matches between the 8 participants who made it this far. Please stay and wait until the end!!!"

On the field…

"Alright, the first match of the Third Exam: Hyuuga Neji v. Rock Lee. The rest of you can go to the waiting room." declared Genma Shiranui.

While the rest of the combatants head to the waiting room…

"So who's gonna win?" said Sakura.

"It's a tough choice. I know Neji is strong and has never lost against Lee. But then Lee's no pushover and he did train with Gai-sensei." said Tenten who sat down next to Haku.

"YES! THEIR YOUTH WILL BURN EVER SO BRIGHTLY IN THEIR MATCH!!!" yelled Gai, who appeared out of nowhere, in a tone comparable to the **Megaphone no Jutsu**.

"QUIET DOWN FISHBOWL-HEAD!" yelled Satsuki as she strangles Gai.

"Damn, I think I gone deaf again." said Koyuki, trying to pop her ears. Nemuri didn't get the chance to hear him because she fell asleep again.

"Is there something wrong with her?" asked Ino.

"Which one, the strangler or the narcoleptic?" said Sakura.

"In this case, BOTH."

Tenten on the other hand was seeing a rare chance of Gai getting strangled by a blonde.

In the waiting room are the thoughts of the combatants…

"_This is so troublesome. I shouldn't even be here. Hell thinking is too troublesome." _thought Shikamaru.

"_Gaara, don't screw this up." _thought Temari.

"_I'll kill him. I'll crack open his skull and feed his blood to you mother." _thought Gaara, who thinks Shukaku is a woman/mother.

"_The blond kid better be stronger or otherwise I'm shoving Blue Abyss up his ass. I've been looking forward to this fight for ages."_ thought Nami.

Meanwhile on the field…

"Now, the first fight. I want a good clean fight. NOW LET'S GET IT ON!" yelled Genma,

"I have waited for this chance to go against you Neji. Truly my hard work has rewarded me in the end…OH GAI-SENSEI! THIS IS THE SPRINGTIME OF YOUTH! VERY MUCH SO!" Lee joyfully cried in full twin waterfalls.

"YES LEE! NOW SHOW THEM HOW BRIGHT YOUR YOUTH SHINES!" cried Gai.

"How the hell did you recover so fast?" yelled Satsuki and Koyuki.

"Heh, don't underestimate the power of youth." Gai grinned in the usual pose before Kakashi usually responds with 'Did you say something?' and Gai over-reacts.

"Oh whatever." Both of them said.

Back on the field Lee took a stance while Neji looks unconcerned.

"**Konoha Reppu**!" Lee made the first move by charging at Neji and tried for his leg sweep. Neji, seeing Lee fight numerous times, foresaw this and stepped back. Lee goes for a roundhouse but Neji blocks, grabs Lee's legs, and throws him. Lee does a handstand and lands on his feet.

"Face it Lee. Fate decides that you will never beat me. And I'll prove it to you in this match." said Neji.

"You are wrong Neji-kun. Fate can be defied when you believe in hard work." said Lee.

Lee shows off by unleashing a flurry of punches with Neji blocking each blow.

However Lee manages to get a hit on Neji and Neji jumps back for a bit.

"I see that you got better Lee." Neji smirked.

"Like I said, I have trained too hard for this Neji-kun." replied Lee.

"Indeed. I won't hold back."

Neji takes a juken stance while takes his usual. This time Neji starts off with the juken and unleashed a flurry of palm strikes. Lee, fully aware that even though he can't fully use his chakra like a normal ninja, dodges since even a tap on any part of his body could cause some damage. For hits he cannot dodge he has to block which may cause complications. However Lee finds an opening and…

"**Konoha Daisenpu**!" yelled Lee.

Lee leaped forward and gone for a flying spin kick with both legs. Neji tried dodging but the second leg connected with his head and he's sent flying. Neji does a flip and lands on his feet. Lee goes for a punch while Neji counters with a palm strike, blocking each other out.

The spectators in the meantime were eying the match with extreme interest to the point where they momentarily forgot about Neji v. Sasuke.

"Wow, this is getting interesting." replied Haku.

The three Jonins though…

"So we have 100000 ryo on Neji beating Lee, 12000 ryo on Lee beating Neji, 14000 on a double knock-out, 7000 on either of them giving up, and 5500 on the off-chance that somebody will attack Konoha during the exams." calculated Satsuki as she, Nemuri, and Koyuki runs Konoha's Chunin Exams Betting Parlor: Refunds are not permitted. Play carefully. And in really fine print: Fuck that! Play with great risk. All it means is that we get more money from you suckers. Nya ha ha ha!

"I bet 10000 that Green Boy wins." betted Haku.

"Are you sure it's legal to gamble in this match?" said both Sakura and Ino.

"Sure, it's just gambling. It's not like you'll earn big from it. _Not for them anyways. Hehehe._" Koyuki mentally sniggered.

"I'll put 2000 on Neji." said Tenten.

"Not you too." said Sakura.

"Hey, there's a set of kunais I want and dad doesn't exactly give it to me free."

"Indeed. 8500 on the green lad!" bellowed Tenten's dad Makoto.

"Gambling? How unyouthful!" exclaimed Gai. "…I bet 7000 on Lee."

"You too?!" said Sakura.

"Okay so far that's 166000 ryo. Any more bets." said Koyuki.

"Put me down for 10000 on Lee-kun beating Neji-kun after a two-hit attack." betted Hinata.

"A risk taker are you." said Nemuri.

"Holy crap! Hinata's making a bet!" yelled the Genin which caused her to blush like a tomato.

"176000. Any more bets. No, okay!" said Nemuri.

"_Either way, we get cash in the end." _grinned Satsuki, cash obviously on her mind.

Back on the field flurry of attacks are made between Neji and Lee. Neji got the upper hand by striking a few points on Lee's left leg, effectively making Lee kneel on one knee.

"Sorry Lee but it's time to end this. After all you're in my field of my Hakke." said Neji as he got into position.

Back in the stands…

"_That stance. No…it can't be!" _eyed Hiashi.

"**Hakke Rokujuyon Sho.**" Neji begain his 64 hit combo (or is it 126).

"Two hands!"

"Four hands!"

"Eight Hands!"

"Sixteen Hands!"

"Thirty-two Hands!"

"Sixty-four Hands!"

Lee staggers back from Neji's assault before falling back.

"Even though you can't use chakra it's not like you'll be able to stand up for a while. So Give up, it's useless." Neji smiled.

"_If I had to guess he must also know the **Kaiten**. Truly, he is a prodigy. And yet all that talent is wasted on a branch member."_ thought Hiashi.

Lee on the other hand…

"_I must get up. If I fall down then I really am a loser. After all _(insert a smiling blue-haired girl) _I did make a promise to Rei-kun that I will get stronger."_ thought Lee as he struggles to get up.

:"Huh?"

And soon Lee got to his knees and stood up. Lee though was breathing heavily.

"I see that you're persistent. You must have a one-track mind for pain."

"Sorry Neji but as I said I refuse to lose. I did make a promise to a friend that I will get stronger. Initial Gate. RELEASE!"

Lee unlocked the first gate, releasing his chakra and effectively overloading his sealed chakra points. (A/N: Not exactly if it can work like that but whatever goes goes.)

"What? How are you getting this much chakra?" said Neji.

"I opened the gates so it's to be expected. Time to finish this. **Konoha Senpu**!"

Lee starts out by unwrapping his bandages and quickly rushing in and kick Neji upwards into the air. Then in one swift motion he utilizes **Kage Buyo** to get him in behind and bind Neji with his bandages and spun in around to perform the **Omote Renge**. As they were falling down Neji somehow release a truckload of chakra to perform the **Kaiten** (A/N: Again, I have no clue if the Kaiten can be used this way.) to soften the blow. Though it did slow the descent when it hit the ground it doesn't mean that it failed and it did leave a good crater.

"Damn, just how well did you teach your students Fishbowl?" said Satsuki.

"Very well." Gai said in a Gai way.

"Just what is that move." asked Sakura.

"That is the Lotus." said Nemuri. She basically talks about the Lotus and its comparisons to the Drive, complete with diagrams. "And that is all you need to know about the Lotus."

"So what's gonna happen now?" asked Ino.

"My guess is that anything can happen." said Tenten.

Back on the field…

"_I can't hold out much longer. Time to finish this."_ thought Neji.

"_Rei-kun, sorry but I need to borrow your technique."_ thought Lee.

Lee opened up the second gate to compensate for his temporarily weaken state while Neji took another stance. Then Lee rushed in with a chakra enhanced fist while Neji puts up the **Kaiten**. Lee connects with his proximal interphalangeal joint (the knuckles between the fingertips and the regular knuckles) to weaken the shield and connect with his knuckles within 1/75th of a second to break through the shield and catching Neji off guard for a while. Immediately Lee went in and landed a fist on the Hyuuga's face while Neji manages a palm strike at a vital point under Lee's arm. Both though were forced to fall back.

"Lee, what was that move." Neji struggles to talk.

"**Futae no Kiwami**: Chakra Variation. It is a technique that eliminates resistance with the first hit and within 1/75th of a second strike an object before it can recover. It is a lost art taught by a good friend of mine, although she has said that she can only use it with her left hand. A master can do it with any part of their body. I personally do not wish to use it unless it is required." Lee wheezed.

"I see. You win for now but right now shut up while I'm sleeping." And thus Neji falls asleep.

"Winner: Rock Lee!" Genma declares.

The audience was ecstatic that their Hyuuga lost to a green boy but they clapped and cheered for him anyways. Although…

"DAMN! I LOST THE BET!" yelled those who betted on Neji, like Kiba and more discreetly Shino.

"ALRIGHT! I WON!" yelled Hinata. When she saw people looking at her she gone quiet again.

"CHA-CHING!" yelled Satsuki, Koyuki, and Nemuri who just earned around 55000 ryo each.

"Okay the next match is Sasuke v. Gaara. Who's gonna win!" yelled Nemuri.

Almost everybody from Konoha betted on Sasuke (currently 100750 ryo) while those from Suna betted on Gaara (72500 ryo).

"What the hell, me and Sakura bets 15000 that they'll postpone Sasuke-kun and Gaara's match after Naruto's." betted Ino.

"WHAT!" Sakura yelled.

"Put me down for 12000 for that bet." betted Tenten.

"Okay, 27000 for postponing the match." said Satsuki.

And coincidentally…

"Ladies and gentlemen. Because Uchiha Sasuke hasn't appeared yet, we will postpone his match and continue with the next." declared Genma.

The audience was more or less restless and pissed. As for three Genin…

"Holy crap, we won some cash." said an Ino in disbelief. Sakura was speechless while Tenten was cheering for the fact that she can get the set of kunais she wanted.

"Well, what's the next match?" asked Haku.

"Temari v. Shikamaru. Any takers?" said Nemuri.

The Rookie nine betted that Shikamaru would give up before the proctor declares the match.

"Damn, not a lot. Oh well, any more?" said Koyuki.

Temari, feeling pumped, flew down to the field gracefully…or as gracefully as wind can get. Shikamaru on the otherhand…

"Man, this is so troublesome. This is just a waste of time. Might as well give up now." sighed Shikamaru.

Nami, who overheard, decided that her match is now so she took up her blade and held it on her shoulders. However when she turned she inadvertently hit Shikamaru in the back of his head with her blade and knocked him over the rails, causing him to fall headfirst into the ground and land on his back with a crash.

In the stands…

"Ow, that's gotta hurt." said a random guy.

The present Rookie Nine though groaned that they lost 3000 ryo apiece…except Ino who made a thousand on the twist of fate.

"Score! 18000 that Nami somehow cause lazy boy to fight this match!" cheered Shiori.

"Eh, got 10000 from it as well." Sanji shrugged.

Back on the field…

"_What's the point? Nobody's interested in this match and it's too damn troublesome to actually fight"_ sighed Shikamaru.

"So you're gonna give up? smirked Temari.

"_And I got to fight a girl again."_

"_Well, he wasn't motivated to begin with." _sighed Asuma.

"SHIKAMARU! GOOD LUCK!" yelled Ino.

"_Troublesome woman."_

"Well, anyways…NOW LET'S GET IT ON!" yelled Genma.

Temari wasted no time and ran towards Shikamaru and swung her fan at where he was. When the dust clears she found out that all she hit was earth and Shikamaru is standing on two kunais embedded on the wall.

"You know, I really don't want to fight and I really don't care if I win. But a guy shouldn't lose to a girl. So I guess I'll have to fight." declared Shikamaru.

Taking that statement as a challenge Temari opens her fan and uses **Kamaitachi no Jutsu** and swung it in Shikamaru's direction. Shikamaru took the chance to run and hide behind a tree in the shadows.

"_He's a good runner. I'll give him that."_ thought Temari.

"_A guy should never lose to a girl. Those words will probably kill me one day."_ thought Shikamaru.

Within the stands…

"YEAH SHIKAMARU! BEAT THAT GIRL WITH A SIXTEEN-HIT COMBO!" yelled Ino again.

"Mind if I sit down?" said Chouji with a bag of chips and a duffel bag filled with more chips.

"You feel any better Chouji?"

Back on the field…

"_Okay. He's the ninja that can control the shadows. He'll probably lure me into the shadows where he can control me. Well I won't let that happen." _analyzed Temari.

"**Kagemane no Jutsu.**"

Shikamaru shoots out his shadow towards Temari and she jumps back until it thins down. There she makes a mark to determine the distance he can shoot currently.

"I figured it out. Your jutsu has a limit to how much it can stretch out. No matter how much you manipulate its shape you can't make it bigger than the overall surface area." analyzed Temari. Then she formulated that even if he casts his shadow at any point within the shadows the furthest he can shoot it is where she made the mark.

Shikamaru sighed and went into his thinking position: crouched with his fingers touching each other in a circle with his eyes closed.

Back in the sidelines…

"Just what is that seal?" Kurenai pondered.

"That isn't a seal." Looking at a questioned Kurenai he continued. "That's a habit of his when he's in a predicament."

"Habit?"

"He's the type of guy who takes it slow and likes to play games like Shogi and Go. Every time I play against him and he's in a predicament he goes in that pose and comes up with numerous strategies. He never fails."

Kurenai questions the fact that this is no game. Asuma counters with the fact that Shogi was used to plot strategies by military tacticians and that he could make one hell of a tactician. Asuma also adds to the fact he once disguised an IQ test as a series of puzzles.

"He may be lazy but his IQ exceeds 200. He's a freaking genius." Kurenai at this point is stunned by this new knowledge. "He's done."

And soon enough Shikamaru has his strategy. Temari on the other hand used **Kamaitachi** at Shikamaru again. Using the wind to his advantage he ties a kunai to his jacket and headband and discreetly let the wind carry it into the air. Then he throws a kunai through the dust created by Temari towards her. She sees him shooting out his shadow and confidently stood her ground. When it looked like it'll go past her line without stopping she panicked and avoided it again.

"I see. You were waiting for the sun to pass so you can extend your shadow further." Overconfidently she stood her ground.

"Temari you idiot! Look up!" yelled Kankuro.

She did and saw his parachute was making a shadow that connected with his own and extended it once more. Temari kept dodging until it stopped and made a mark to mark the distance. She analyzes the **Kagemane** even further and then calculates the fact that even if she focused on the parachute she can't track its movements on the ground. So she came up with whatever she did in the manga. (A/N: No point stretching it further.) Shikamaru makes his move by connecting his shadow with Temari but all it was is a **Bunshin**. The real Temari appears behind him and launches a full scale **Kamaitachi** on Shikamaru. He flies across the stadium and connects with the wall. Temari thinks she won this match but Shikamaru poofed to reveal a log.

"**Kawarimi Jutsu**?! Where the…" Temari didn't say anymore for she couldn't move. "What?"

"Heh, if all else fails a close-range attack usually works. **Kagemane**: success." Shikamaru reappears behind her.

"But how?"

"Easy,." He goes and describes his strategy. He then walks toward her. At this point everyone was at the edge of their seats and Chouji was eating his chips by the dozen (in terms of bags). Shikamaru raised his arm as Temari did as well. She was sweating when…

"Hey proctor, I give up!" declared Shikamaru.

Everyone was in pure disbelief except Chouji.

"Told ya he give up." said Chouji calmly. While everyone was shouting at Shikamaru…

"I already used up a majority of my chakra trying to capture you. At most I have you for at least 20 seconds. I had 34 outcomes in this match, one involving a tunnel, but it's not like I can do anything now so I give up." Shikamaru shrugged.

"_He's a weird guy_. The winner of this match: Temari!" declared Genma.

The council analyzed Shikamaru and came up with the fact that Shikamaru has the perfect qualities for a Chunin. No one cheered as Shikamaru went back to the waiting area. As for the Jonins…

"Well, we didn't win much." said Satsuki.

"But we didn't lose much either." smiled Nemuri.

"So is it Sasuke's turn to come up?" said Sakura.

"I don't know." said Ino.

"**Sorry, am I late."** said a red-haired woman in a kimono that barely covered her assets. The males in their sections were eying her, nosebleeds and all. A few bachelors though…

"Damn, she looks like the Tenjin." said Asuma. Kurenai though blushed, as well as a few females.

Back there…

"Who are you?" said Sakura.

"**Kyoko no Getsuei (Kyoko of the Moon)."** said Kyoko or as we know her as Kyuubi. **"I came here to see the blond idiot fight."**

"You mean Naruto? He's not here yet." said Ino.

"Damn, the kit did say he was going be late to buy pineapples but why?"

"_Pineapples?" _were everyone else's thoughts.

"Next match: Nami v. Naruto!" yelled Koyuki.

"**PUT ME DOWN FOR 20000 ON THE KIT!"** yelled Kyuubi.

"By kit you mean Naruto?" said Satsuki, fully aware who she is.

"Yeah!"

By then Nami had 170000 ryo on her and Naruto had 58000 since everyone else won't bet on the gaki and those who betted on him saw him fight.

5 minutes later Naruto hasn't appeared and Nami is restless.

"Time is up so…" Genma was cut off.

"**The damn kit finally shows up."** smiled Kyuubi.

BAM! The doors to the stadium opened with force and a lone figure walks in. Everyone turned their attention to who just came in and the man stops in the middle of the field. He is dressed in a long coat similar to Yondaime except it's pure black and more ragged near the tips of the sleeves and the bottom end of the coat, a dark red shirt, black pants, black fingerless gloves, sandals, and a gigantic clear black zanbatou with the words Shadow Fox in large kanji. He has defined shoulders and…hell he looks similar to Yondaime with the added muscle mass. However the most distinguishing figures on the man are the whiskers, the unique shade of blue eyes, and the unmistakable yet slightly longer and spikier blond hair.

"Damn, who's the hunk." said a random woman.

"I don't know but he's hot and in a really good way." another said dreamily.

"Whoever he is I want him." said a blushing Ino.

"What about Sasuke?" said a red Sakura.

"Who's Sasuke?" said Ino, momentarily forgetting who's Sasuke.

"Him or Neji. Scrawny, pale, and fatalistic or muscular, tall, and single." said Tenten who's obviously gonna choose the blond.

Hinata on the other hand couldn't choose between him or Naruto so she fainted. Shiori wouldn't care since she's obsessed with Nami in a non-lesbian way. Nami though figures he's her opponent. And pretty much every female in the stadium were hungrily looking at the blond. Single women were formulating plans to have a piece of him. Married women were analyzing him, much to the displeasure of their husbands. And the girls got new crushes. Hell the Sasuke Fan Club were thinking of reconsidering their taste in Sasuke and the Sanosuke Fan club immediately quit to form a new one with help from the Narutoki Fan Club since, for 11 year olds, they figured out who he is. In the end a majority of them got nosebleeds, minus Satsuki and Haku. Though the male population was formulating a plan to take him out mafia style.

"Took him long enough." said Satsuki.

"Yeah, though he's one hell of a hunk." eyed Haku.

"So, who are you?" said Genma.

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto. And sorry I'm late but I went to buy pineapples for good luck." smiled Naruto.

A/N: And I'm done. Next chapter is Nami v. Naruto and Sasuke v. Gaara. Leave lots of reviews, read my other story, and later cowboys.

**Jutsu List:**

**Kakuseiki no Jutsu (Megaphone no Jutsu) – Magnifies the voice**

**Konoha Reppu (Leaf Gale)**

**Konoha Daisenpu (Leaf Great Whirlwind)**

**Hakke Rokujuyon Sho (Eight Trigrams Sixty-Four Palms)**

**Hakkesho Kaiten (Eight Trigrams Heavenly Spin) **

**Konoha Senpu (Leaf Whirlwind)**

**Kage Buyo (Shadow of the Dancing Leaf)**

**Omote Renge (Front Lotus)**

**Futae no Kiwami (Two Folds Extremity or as it's known in the English manga Mastery of Two Layers) – A technique where you strike with your proximal interphalangeal joint to break down an object's resistance and in 1/75th of a second (or leave it as really fast) strike with the knuckles before the object can recover its resistance. Anybody familiar with _Rurouni Kenshin_ should know this fairly well (and describe it better too)**

**Kamaitachi no Jutsu (Cutting Whirlwind Technique)**

**Kagemane no Jutsu (Shadow Imitation Technique)**

**Bunshin no Jutsu (Clone Technique)**

**Kawarimi no Jutsu (Replacement Technique)**


	14. Naruto v Nami

A/N: Nothing for now except thanks for the reviews and enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Legend

"…normal…"

"…_thoughts…"_

"…**Kyuubi & Inner Voices talks/Jutsu**…"

"…_**Kyuubi thinks**…"_

* * *

**Chapter 14: Finally! Naruto v. Nami and Sasuke v. Gaara I Guess**

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto. And sorry I'm late but I went to buy pineapples for good luck." smiled Naruto.

Anybody who known Kakashi for a while, especially the Jonins and Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke are well aware that Kakashi is never early in his whole life. And they were also aware that half of his excuses are superstitions he got from a book (in my case, Wikipedia). And Naruto is no exception since practically a chunk of the audience groaned at his excuse.

"Geez Naruto, your excuse is just as lame as Kakashi-sensei." Sakura slapped her head in disbelief.

"Great, Kakashi's tardiness is spreading to his own students. I wouldn't be surprised if the Uchiha is late as well." Kurenai slapped her head.

"HEY IDIOT! I UNDERSTAND THE BIG ENTRANCE BUT COULDN'T YOU COME UP WITH A BETTER EXCUSE!" yelled a random spectator. A majority of the other spectators agree (the male audience).

"But it's true! Look, pineapples!" Naruto holds up genuine pineapples, ripe for the picking and sweet to eat.

"If you don't mind, can we get started? Since we can tell you're Naruto there's no need for identification." said Genma. _"If somehow he's not, let's just hope there're donuts in heaven."_

"HEY SATSUKI! PUT ME DOWN FOR 25000 IN SOMEBODY INTERRUPTING SASUKE'S AND GAARA'S MATCH! yelled Naruto.

"_That's the second time somebody made that bet._ Alright!" yelled Satsuki.

"AND HERE!" Naruto throws his pineapples. Nemuri catches them.

"They're real pineapples. Ripe and possibly from the peninsula south of Konoha. Anybody got a knife?" said Nemuri.

"There goes my pineapples." moaned Naruto.

The newly formed Naruto Fan Club…

"BEAT HER NARUTO-SAMA! WE LOVE YOU!" yelled the NFC.

Naruto face-faulted and cries twin waterfalls. "_Damn, my fan club got bigger._ DAMN YOU SASUKE! DID YOU HAVE TO BE SO GAY THAT YOU DRIVE MEMBERS AWAY FROM YOUR DAMN FAN CLUB ONTO MINE!!!" yelled Naruto into the heavens.

"You done?" asked Genma.

"Yeah." sighed Naruto.

"_Finally"_ Nami grabs her blade. Naruto does the same and both of the jumped away from each other and went into their respective stances (Nami holds her blade in front of her while Naruto takes an Auron Stance).

"Now I want a good clean fight. NOW LET'S GET IT ON!" yelled Genma.

Immediately both combatants charged at each other and swung their blades. When both blades connected with each other they swung again. The force of the blows though sent waves throughout the crowd and by waves I mean excitement. As they trade blows…

"Damn, they're going all out." said Kiba.

"Hm." gone Shino.

"What's with you Shino?"

"Those blades are making my bugs stir."

"What?"

Another part of the stadium…

"His blade. He must have got it forged by that old guy Waruyoi (drunken frenzy)." said Shiori.

"You mean that old guy who drinks and bitches about ninjas?" said Haku.

"Ugh, the bastard tried to impale me once just because I forgot to buy him a drink." said Sanji.

"Who's Waruyoi?" asked Sakura.

"Waruyoi or Wino is a master of weaponry who forges some of the most powerful weapons around. However he only makes weapons to those he likes." said Makoto.

"So basically anybody who gives him booze can get him to make something." said Tenten. "Of course tousan is the best."

"Damn right."

Back on the field…

"I see you got a blade forged by the drunken wino." said Nami.

"Damn right! I have to get him a case of Rice Country's Super Sake before he considered forging Shadow Fox." said Naruto.

"You got lucky. I had to give him some foreign ale and that was expensive."

While they talk their blades thought that they were insulting them so Blue Abyss began to freeze the air around Nami's hands while Shadow Fox increased in weight, causing Naruto to falter a bit.

"Damn it Shadow Fox/Blue Abyss. Why do you got to be pissed off for?" said both of them at their blades.

In the stands…

"Why are they talking to their blades?" asked Sakura.

"As you can see those blades have their own personality." said Makoto.

"Personality?" said Ino.

"Wino's special blades have distinctive personalities and abilities. Also they can only be held by the person who gave him their blood?" said Shiori.

"Why blood?" questioned Ino.

"It serves as some sort of pact between weapon and wielder. Unless you're that person you have a better chance of climbing a mountain one-handed than even trying to go near it." said Haku.

"Sounds like a whole lot of trouble to give them their own personality." said Sakura.

"Nah, it' perfect. It proves that a weapon is alive and it furthers the bond between the wielder and weapon. Also their blood gives it distinctive abilities. There are certain circumstances when someone else can hold it though." said Makoto.

"Damn. Too bad I'm not 18 because I want one right now." sighed Ino.

(A/N: I'm fully aware that legal drinking age in Japan is 20 so I'm reducing it to 18.)

Back on the field their blades 'calmed down' so they resumed their fight.

"**Suiton: Teppodama**!" yelled Nami.

"**Futon: Renkudan**!" yelled Naruto.

The barrage of water bullets collided with the air bullet, creating a short and heavy rainstorm that covers the whole stadium. Nami takes advantage and uses one of her swords abilities.

"**Reido no Kasumi**." muttered Nami.

Nami begins to swing her sword around. Each time she swings she forms mist that freezes the air around her and in this case it's the water.

"AH CRAP IT'S COLD IT'S COLD!" Naruto yelled as he runs around both shivering and avoiding getting his head impaled by hail.

"Blue Abyss has the ability to freeze the air around us. Whether it is a portable AC or an Arctic Hellhole it can alter any temperature.

"DAMN IT'S COLD!" were pretty much everyone's reaction.

"Not really." muttered Haku.

"Sa-Says you Ic-Ice Br-Brat." shivered Satsuki.

Kyuubi though was glad for the fact that she had a **Henge **on or else she'll have unneeded perverted admirers.

"O-oka-kay. I-I get th-the po-point. Ex-except I-I ca-can d-d-do th-th-this. **Ka-Katon: En-Ensho no Jut-Jutsu**." Naruto said through clattering teeth.

With a simple hand seal Naruto immediately heats up the arena.

"_Good, though I doubt that's its only ability. Wait a minute. _If it called Blue Abyss then why does it have ice abilities?"

"Ice is essentially frozen water."

"_That doesn't help."_

"It's about time I unwrap my beloved blade." Nami unwraps her blade to reveal a dark blue blade (oversized zanbatou style falchion, approximately 5 ft.4 in length and a foot wide). "**Shimobashira**."

Her blade begins to grow spikes of ice. Then with a single swing she shoots the spears of ice at Naruto. Naruto blocks by swinging his sword in front of him and hacking away at the spears of ice. Nami takes advantage and in swift motion she tries to swing her sword. Unfortunately for her Naruto sensed her coming and blocks with a katana that literally flew out of his blade.

"What the hell?" exclaimed Nami.

"My blade can allow other swords to fuse with it. And of course it can do much more." smirked Naruto. "**Gravity Sphere**."

Shadow Fox began to glow black as a sphere of gravity surrounds the two combatants. Nami feels the pressure of the sudden increase in gravity (approximately 5X normal earth gravity) so she tries to get away from him. While the sphere is short-lived it does damage to Nami in more ways than none.

"Damn, a gravity based blade. Any more spheres like that and I could probably try out for a munchkin."

"Don't underestimate me. After all I am the Number One Unpredictable Loudmouth Blond Idiot." Naruto proudly said.

"Is that so. Well like you, you shouldn't underestimate me as well." Blue Abyss grows a single ice spike and flies toward Naruto. He dodges but it cuts open Naruto's left arm.

"_Damn…what the?"_ Naruto thought with a pained expression. The ice immediately shatters.

"By your look I'm guessing you're in pain. Those cut by my ice feel not only an icy feeling but an irritating burning sensation."

At the stands…

"Yo Haku. You're an ice master. Did you ever hear about ice that both burns and freezes?" asked Sakura.

"I have. It's called freezer burn." she said sarcastically.

"Geez, I was just asking."

"Sorry, I'm just jealous that my ice can't do that. Though I have improved."

"Alright, we have 200000 ryo on Naruto taking off his shirt." calculated Satsuki.

"If that happens, we'll be in the red for sure. Especially the 215000 on him somehow losing his pants." said Nemuri.

"ALRIGHT EVERYBODY! THAT'S IT FOR THE FAN SERVICE BETS! WE'LL ONLY ACCEPT OTHER BETS NOW!" yelled Koyuki, which caused the more perverted female audience to moan in disappointed as they were hoping to earn cash in case of Naruto taking off his clothes.

Back on the field…

"_Damn, it's burning me. Crap, it's starting to itch badly. At times like this I really wish the damn vixen would ease this wound…DID I CALL HER A VIXEN?" _ Naruto thought with a shocked expression. Naruto though immediately tries to bear with it and took off his coat. Apparently Naruto's dark red shirt is skin tight and reveals how ripped Naruto is (washboard stomach, steel abs, defined shoulders…I'll leave it at ripped but not overly muscular). At this point the women were hooting and howling as if Naruto's a male stripper, essentially in a uproar. Of course I WON'T dwell into it any further. _"Why do I have this feeling that I'm better off as a 12 year old brat."_ Either way Naruto threw his coat in the direction of the betting parlor. It missed by a foot but it made a noticeable dent on the wall and a small crater when it hit the floor. Everyone's eyes widened at his coat.

"This coat has chakra weights weighing approximately 300 lbs. embedded and counter-springs with pressure of approximately 37 kgs (approximately 85 lbs.)." analyzed Koyuki.

"No kidding. Though the design is neat, despite the ragged look." said Nemuri, who somehow got his coat up waist level as if it was as light as a feather. Heck she started to toss it in the air. Half of the audience in their section was becoming afraid of Nemuri.

"She's a freaking monster." trembled a random guy.

"I can see why she's called Konoha's Sleeping Beast." said Asuma.

"Sleeping Beast?" asked Kurenai.

"Sleeping Beast refers to the narcoleptic when she's in battle. Like her name says, once she wakes up she's a beastly fighter with strength comparable to me." said Gai.

"Also the blonde is Konoha's Meteor Strike, called that for her explosive entrance

into battle." said Asuma.

"Okay. And no need to lecture me on whom the black-haired girl is. She's Konoha's Devil Paradise." said Kurenai.

(A/N: All will be revealed in a later chapter)

On the field Naruto stretched his arms a bit and relaxed.

:"Good, I can move a bit. Now then." Naruto picked up his katana and fused it with his black blade again. Naruto then swings his sword, but the speed of the swing is much faster than usual. "Yup, MUCH better."

Nami though is trying her best to block his attacks.

"_Damn, he got faster and stronger. That must be some coat he wore. Screw this. _**Suiton: Fusen Surripu.**"

Nami spat out a stream of water that's slippery as hell. Since she focused her chakra to her feet before she spat it out she remains in place. Naruto though…

"What the hell?" Naruto is trying his best to stay in place but fails, slip, and falls on his back. Nami then jumps on top of him and start riding him like a surfboard. She gains speed before she jumps off. Her 'board' slams headfirst into a reinforced wall. It would have a sickening crunch but Naruto lessens the pain with a **Rasengan**. _"If it wasn't for the **Rasengan** I'll probably be strapped to the hospital bed with needles sticking out of my ass."_

Seeing the **Rasengan **made a good majority of the audience were shocked and wondered where the hell Naruto did learned the late Yondaime's jutsu. Although the examiners were more intrigued that he managed to learn a high level technique.

"**Suiton: Daibakufu no Jutsu**."

While everyone was seeing Naruto Nami charged up her giant waterfall and shot it straight towards Naruto.

"Get the hell out of the way Naruto!" yelled Sakura.

"**Don't worry. The kit may be stupid but he got something up his sleeve." **reassured Kyuubi.

Indeed because at that very moment something cut through the waterfall, causing it to split in two and avoid hitting Naruto. Nami barely dodges by a few hairs. The object that cut through the waterfall lodges itself into a wall and reveals itself as a green buzz saw with a **Rasengan** in the middle.

"**Futon: Marunoko Rasengan.** As you can tell I learned how to manipulate wind into various shapes. And while it's not exactly as powerful as my other technique it does get the job done without any adverse effects." said Naruto.

The examiners begin to realize that while he hasn't shown stuff like leadership yet Naruto does have a chance at being Chunin. Though the council will never allow the jinchuuriki to ever be promoted. Anyways…

"If I made contact with that technique I lose more than a few hairs. Screw this. Rise from the deep Blue Abyss!" Nami yells. Her blade glows an eerie blue before the whole arena is covered in freezing mist.

"Not again. I should have kept my coat." said a freezing Naruto. The mist though touches Naruto's open wound and Naruto winces in pain. "Damn I forgot the fox not in me at this moment."

"I don't know what this fox you're talking about but it doesn't matter." When the mist clears Nami's blade changed into a slimmer blade but within the middle a stream of water runs through it endlessly. "Abyss will drag you down."

And soon enough one single swing of her blade cause the arena floor to be completely submerge in water. While it only rises a foot Naruto is having a hard time getting out.

"What's with this? It's like the water trying to drag me down." said Naruto.

Nami disappeared from sight and begins to do a series of quick slashes. Each hit causes Naruto to falter and each wound made both burns and freezes him.

"You're not the only one with chakra weights on." Nami lifts up her pant sleeves to reveal weights strapped to her ankles. "It's been a while since I released the weights."

However above them are a different set of cuffs.

In the stands…

"She gotten serious." said Shiori.

"If she released her weights she gotta be." said Sanji.

"Why is that?" asked Sakura.

"Those are not ordinary chakra weights. Normally all chakra weights does is increase in weight proportional to the amount of chakra poured into them. There's usually no limit. However those are a special kind that also seals off a portion of her jutsu ability." analyzed Tenten.

"What does that mean?" asked Hinata.

"Unless the blond can free himself, he's target practice." said Sanji.

"Hey Nemuri, have you ever seen those cuffs above those weights?" asked Koyuki.

"I have. They're a new kind of cuffs that enhances the abilities of the user. They're not exactly cheap or easy to make." said Nemuri.

"Don't count him out yet." said Satsuki.

"Why is that?" said Sakura.

"I believe he will come out of this in some sort of way." said simultaneously Haku and Satsuki.

"_**The kit has good family. And he's not dying anytime soon."** _smirked Kyuubi.

"Kyoko-san, do you think he'll be alright?" said Hinata.

"Damn right." she said back.

"Well, let's just see what happens." said Sanji.

On the field…

"_Alright, I'm dying. No doubt about it. Wonder if heaven…no, I must not think about it. There has to be a way. I know!_ **KITSUNE YOUJUTSU: KITSUNE-BI!**" yelled out Naruto. He begins to form blue flames into his hands and immediately shoots it to the ground. Nami tries to prevent that but before she can get close Naruto shoots out a defensive fire barrier. Naruto finally frees himself from the water.

Those who been around Kyuubi's attack would definitely notice that Naruto used a fox technique. And they wondered how he did that particular technique.

"**Suiton: Mizu Yaiba!**"

Nami shoots out blades of water at Naruto. Naruto though begins to spin around at a fast pace until a tornado forms around him (refer to the technique as **Futon: Tatsumaki Kanmon**). The tornado redirects the blades back at Nami. Nami used her **Kaname Kanketsusen **to shoot the blades upwards in the sky. Then like a human cannonball Naruto flies skyward out of the tornado.

"YEEAAHH!" Naruto yelled, obviously having fun in the sky. He does some acrobatic flips before landing on his feet. The judges score Naruto a 10, 10, 10, and a 9.5. "9.5? That sucks!"

Nami waste no time and disappeared again. Appearing in front of him she uses the **Geyser Defense **to launch Naruto into the air. She jumps up and does a barrage of sword swipes before she kicks him down and slams her foot down on Naruto, driving him into the ground. When the smoke clears all it reveals is a log.

"_**Kawarimi**?"_ she thought.

Before she realizes Naruto opened the first gate, release his weights, and began his assault. He rushes in and does a ultra-fast series of kicks and punches. Then with a chakra kick he sends her flying straight up.

"**Kage Bunshin no Jutsu**!"

He makes about 10 clones. 3 keeps her flying while the other seven does a furious barrage of attacks with air walking. The real Naruto comes from above and axe kicks her down. While she falls Naruto then slams his heel into her and drives her down to the ground.

"**DRAGON BUSTER!**"

When they made contact with terra firma they made a big enough impact to shake the stadium. A lot of the spectators were shook out of their seats and onto the cold floor.

"DAMN IT NARUTO! I CAN UNDERSTAND YOU'RE TRYING TO WIN THIS BUT COULD YOU TONE YOUR DAMN STRNGTH DOWN NEXT TIME!" yelled Sakura.

"**ARE YOU KIDDING? THAT WAS AWESOME! CHA!" **yelled Inner Sakura.

"Ugh, my head hurts." Ino said while upside down.

"**Though if you had that kind of power you'll have legions of men serving you."** said Inner Ino.

Tenten and Hinata were knocked out momentarily with both of them on top of each other. If the perverted crowd sees them they would've have some yuri thoughts. The other combatants…

"Damn, how troublesome." Shikamaru muttered while on his back.

"Glad I can float." said Temari while floating on top of her fan.

Gaara though was growling in pure delight. "I want his blood."

"YOSH NARUTO-KUN! YOUR BURNING YOUTH BURNS LIKE A MILLION SUNS! I AM TRULY JEALOUS!" yelled Lee.

When the smoke clears Naruto is standing breathing heavily while Nami is in a crater.

"I win." said Naruto.

Unfortunately for him the Nami in the crater turned into water.

"What the hell?"

"**Suiton: Izumi no Kanketsusen**."

From out of nowhere multiple geysers are starting to shoot out of the ground. Naruto couldn't move well and unfortunately got caught in one of them and sent into the air. Then Nami manipulates the trajectory of the geysers so they collide at one point, and Naruto happens to be at that point. Naruto barely escapes with a shadow clone but Nami is one step ahead and utilizes **Suiton: Mizuame Nabara **to capture Naruto. Then if things couldn't get worse the arena begins to fill up with water at a fast rate. Naruto tries to get out but…

"Sorry Blond but there's no way to get out of this." Nami said while on top of the man-made lake. The water stops at half the stadium. Naruto struggles for air. "**Suiton: Uminomokuzu"**

Nami forcibly increases the pressure. Naruto stands no chance as the pressure crushes him. Everyone is in silence over what just happens.

"No way." said the Genin.

Hinata just saw her crush got…well crushed and fainted again. Haku fell to her knees as she's about to lose another person close to her. The Jonins and Kyuubi though weren't concerned.

"**He's not dead. Just listen." **reassured Kyuubi.

While faint they can hear something slurping. They look in the direction of where the slurping came from to reveal Naruto sitting on top of an oversized **Rasengan** with a bowl of instant ramen.

"Ah, that hit the spot." said a satisfied Naruto.

"What?" Nami looks down at the other Naruto to reveal a crushed log. "But how?"

"Quiet please, I got one more bowl waiting for me." Naruto throws his disposable bowl into a trash can and pulled out a bowl from nowhere. From there he mauls his ramen, drinks the soup, and throws it in the can. "Much better. Now then, **Katon: Karyuu Endan.**"

Naruto breathes out a supercharged stream of fire to evaporate the water while staying on his **Rasengentsuki**. Nami immediately gets out as her feet can't handle the boiling water. And soon the floor is dry again. Both of them started to form hand seals.

"**Suiton: Suiryudan**!" yelled Nami.

"**Futon: Kazeryudan**!" yelled Naruto.

The water dragon collides with the wind dragon, canceling each other out. Within the impact both rush in with their blades and struck each other.

"We're even." replied Nami.

"Unlikely. Shatter and surround Shadow Fox!" yelled Naruto.

His blade begins to crack until it shattered into 16 parts. Naruto disappears as the pieces of his blades surrounds Nami and forms into 16 katanas. Then with **Kage Bunshin **16 Narutos grab the blade and begin their 16-hit assault (blades are simply one-hit only in this form). Nami dodges them all but the real Naruto from above accelerates his descent with gravity and strikes Nami.

"**Suiton: Kaname Kenketsusen."**

A geyser shoots out below them lessen the blow but it still did damage as both of them are sent to the ground.

The Jonins…

"It's time." said Satsuki.

"Yup." replied Nemuri.

"They have only so much before they fall. If they're going to do something they have to do it now." said Koyuki.

On the field…

"_It's now or never."_ thought both of them.

Nami forms a blade of water while Naruto charges up a **Rasengan**. The water blade though is bursting with energy and swirls like a maelstrom. Naruto will stick with the regular **Rasengan. **Then at that moment they charged at each other. Nami's **Mizu Bunshin** appears behind Naruto and tries to use a **Suiryudan**. It connects but Naruto was one step ahead and converted his **Rasengan **into a **Bakyu Rasengan** to suck up the water dragon into the sphere. As they are about to hit…

"**Suiton: Naruto no Yaiba**!"

"**Bakyu Rasengan**: RELEASE!"

Both hit with their techniques and the force of both techniques collided with each other, creating an explosion.

In the stands…

"Ahh!" Sakura fell back onto Sanji, who was closely eying the match. Ino flew backwards with Chouji catching her. Tenten summons a flail anchor (combination of a flail and an anchor) to stay in place with Hinata. Haku used an ice mirror to stay in place. Either way most of the audience flew back at the force of the explosion while those with good chakra control stuck to the ground. When the smoke clears it reveals Naruto standing with Nami slung over his shoulder, revealing the fact that Naruto won the match. Though if Nami is conscious she would be glad for the fact she fought a good match.

"Since Mizudori Nami is unable to continue further the winner of this match: Uzumaki Naruto!" declared Genma.

The audience was stunned by the fact that the demon brat had actually won and also the fact that they lost money. But then he gave them a good fight so they gave them a roaring applause.

"That was great brat!"

"Even though we lost money it still was worth it seeing you fight!"

"Way to go tall, blond, and hunky!"

Naruto just smirked and shrugged it off, mainly for the fact that since he's holding Nami for the moment he can't actually prance around like an idiot.

"Heh, the kid gets the whole audience to applaud for him and he just smirks and shrugs it off. What a guy." said Genma.

"CHA-CHING! JACKPOT!" cheered the Jonins as they got a huge amount of cash.

"I believe you owe me 100000 ryo." approached Mizukage.

"Uh here." Satsuki through him a bag.

"Thank you." Mizu heads back to his booth.

"_Mizukage."_ thought Shiori and Sanji.

"Before you get any ideas he betted that Naruto wins with Nami enjoying her match." said Nemuri.

"That wasn't the point."

At that moment leaves begin to appear in the arena and immediately they swirl furiously. When they died down Kakashi and Sasuke makes their appearance.

"_About time._" thought both Genma and Naruto.

"Sorry we're late but we went to get pineapples for good luck." lied Kakashi.

"Sorry Kakashi but Uzumaki already used that excuse. LEGITIMATELY." said Genma.

"Oh, then we got lost on the road of life." lied again Kakashi which caused both Naruto and Genma to slap their heads in disbelief.

"_Again with the cheap excuse."_ thought Genma.

"_At least mine was legit. _About time you got here Sasuke." replied Naruto.

"Is that you Naruto. How in God's hell did you grow big?" astonished Sasuke.

"Let's say I hit puberty early and got a massive growth spurt." Naruto lied…sorta.

"Hn whatever. I'll still beat you." Sasuke muttered.

"_Hehehehehe. He's just jealous that I'm bigger, stronger, and no. 1. Even down there."_ mentally cheered Naruto.

"So, who's the girl you have on your shoulder?" said Kakashi.

"My opponent." replied Naruto.

"Oh? From the looks of it I thought…" Kakashi was cut off as a reattached Shadow Fox is pointed near his head.

"Do. Not. Say. Any. More. Kakashi." growled Naruto.

"If you don't mind we'll handle her. And we also need to start this match." said Genma.

They complied as the medics take care of Nami. Naruto went over and tried to pick up Blue Abyss. Apparently…

"So you'll allow me to hold you for a bit? Alright, it's not like I can use you or anything." said Naruto.

If the blade could talk it say "Just give me to glasses Blond."

Either way Naruto picks up the blade and both him and Kakashi heads to the audience. Gaara heads down via sand but then at this point he's mentally unstable.

In the audience…

"Yo." said both Kakashi and Naruto.

"So you finally appeared Kakashi." said Gai.

"Hey Gai."

"Naruto…wow." said Sakura, obviously checking out Naruto close-hand. Ino and Tenten though latched themselves on him.

Hinata was absolutely speechless at his appearance while Inner Hinata…

"**I HIT JACKPOT BABY!"** yelled Inner Hinata.

"Um Ino and Tenten. Can you get off me? I need to give Nami's sword to Glasses." said Naruto.

"Whatever you say Naruto-sama." submitted both of them.

"_Oh great, not only my damn fan club got bigger but I got some followers as well."_ groaned Naruto.

"**_Too bad kit. Can't help you there."_** thought Kyuubi.

Naruto hands Shiori Nami's blade.

"You got my respect Blond. You gave Nami her thrill in life. Maybe later I could have a sparring match with you." said Shiori

"Count on it. I can use a good fight." Naruto sealed the deal with the nice guy pose. Shiori smiles as she heads towards the medical bay.

"I may not know you that long but you totally made her day. Usually it takes a really good book to make her smile." said Sanji. "I want to fight you as well man."

"Okay then." replied Naruto.

"NARUTO-KUN! I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO FIGHT YOU AS WELL!" yelled Lee who came out of nowhere.

"Geez, I made a huge impact in the arena and suddenly everyone's challenging me to a duel." Naruto scratched his head.

"I see your student has become popular Kakashi. But it won't matter because Lee will beat him." said Gai.

"Naruto-kun, once I beat Sasuke-kun I will come and fight you in the final match. I will win." said Lee.

"Huh, you say something?" said both Kakashi and Naruto, which caused the green duo to make a face.

"_OH MY GOD! My eternal rival's attitude is so hip it's irritating!" _flamed Gai and Lee.

"_It's so fun to screw around Gai like that."_ thought Kakashi.

"_This is fun. No wonder Kakashi does it so many times."_ thought Naruto.

"_Like teacher and student I guess."_ sighed Haku.

"Yo Naruto, here." Satsuki throws him Gama-chan, his summoning scroll, necklace, and headband.

"Thanks sis. _After the exams I'm going on an all-out ramen buffet._" Naruto drooled.

"Damn, I'm hungry. _After the exams I'm going on an all-out BBQ buffet."_ Satsuki drooled.

"What's with them?" asked Tenten.

"They're hungry. Kazamas are notorious for having high levels of metabolism and stomachs that leads to the void of the cosmos." replied Koyuki.

"I'm guessing he wants ramen and she wants BBQ." said Haku.

"How do you know?" asked Sakura.

"Half of Naruto's budget goes into ramen and next to sweets Satsuki goes crazy over BBQ." sighed Haku.

"Sounds like they're related to Akimichis." said Ino.

Since this is going nowhere I'm speeding it up a bit to Sasuke v. Gaara.

"Alright, I want a good clean fight. NOW LET'S GET IT ON!" Genma yelled.

Sasuke jumps back as Gaara opens his gourd. However Gaara is clutching his head in pain and muttering stuff like bad blood and mother. After all that Gaara has calmed down.

"Come."

Sasuke starts out by throwing a few shurikens to have it blocked by Gaara sand. His sand turned into a **Suna Bunshin** that launched a sand attack at Sasuke. Sasuke jumps over him and threw more shurikens. Gaara counters with **Suna Shuriken** that deflected the shurikens. Sasuke drops down and takes out the bunshin with a barrage of kicks and punches. Sasuke then aims for Gaara's neck but Gaara blocks with the **Suna no Tate**.

Sasuke smirks and disappears, surprising Gaara. He reappears behind him and before Gaara can put up his defense Sasuke punched him in the face.

"_He's fast. About the same as Lee from the start." _thought Gai.

"_His style is the same as mine."_ thought Lee.

Then he goes into a Gouken stance. "Come."

Before Gaara can react Sasuke rushed in and kicked him in the stomach, followed by another in his chest that sends him flying to the wall. Gaara's sand cushions his blow.

"Is this all you got. Pathetic." taunted Sasuke.

"Incredible." mouthed Sakura.

"He's not much of a looker compared to Naruto but you have to give him points for style." said Ino. "Yo Naruto, what do you think?"

Naruto on the other hand was finishing off his pineapples with Satsuki, Haku, and Nemuri. "You say something?" Naruto said through pineapple.

"Sigh, nothing." said Ino.

"He is good but although I can't help but feel cheated that Sasuke-kun has learned what I been learning for years." said Lee.

"Lee." said Gai.

"If that is the case then…I MUST TRAIN MUCH HARDER THAN BEFORE! AND IF I CANNOT DO THAT THEN I MUST RUN AROUND KONOHA 100 TIMES WHILE CARRYING A ROCK!" yelled Lee.

"AND IF YOU CAN'T DO THAT THEN I MUST RUN AROUND KONOHA 1000 TIMES WITH NOTHING ON BUT TRAINING WEIGHTS!" yelled Gai.

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"_Thank Jiraiya/Ero-sennin/Target Practice for writing this book." _simultaneously thought Kakashi, Naruto, and Kyuubi as they read different volumes of Icha Icha Paradise.

Back on the field Gaara formed his dome of sand and opened the third eye. Sasuke rushed in and tried to punch it but spike sprung out and struck Sasuke. Before it can do more serious damage Sasuke jumped back.

"_Using the sand to surround himself in a dome while packing it tight so it gets hard. An absolute defense." _ Sasuke analyzed.

"Damn it. Gaara won't see the signal." said Kankuro.

"There's nothing we can do. _Unless something happens we'll have to_ _abandon the plan_." said Baki.

"_Plan?" _thought Shino.

"Kakashi, why did you teach Sasuke only taijutsu?" said Gai.

"You'll see soon enough." smirked Kakashi.

And true enough Sasuke activated the Sharingan and jumped back to the wall. From there he does a few hand seals and generated electricity into his hand.

"I see Kakashi. You taught him that." said Gai.

"We weren't late for nothing. After all, he is the same type as me." said Kakashi.

"Incredible." said an amazed Sakura.

"_So this is the potential of that bastard's son."_ said Koyuki.

"I'll kill him. Rip out his guts. Then I'll tear out his head. Huh? Yeah, blood will come out and you can have it. I'm a good boy mother." muttered Gaara.

Sasuke begins his assault by running straight towards Gaara.

"The Uchiha." said KazeOro.

"Just what is that technique and that sound its making." yelled Sakura.

"It's a simple stab and Kakashi's only original technique." said Gai.

"It's an assassination technique that relies on speed and copious amounts of chakra. With just a single thrust it can kill or injure a target severely." said Satsuki.

"Since chakra is formed around the hand combined with speed it creates the sound of birds chirping. Which is why the technique is called…" said Koyuki.

Sasuke thrusts his arm into Gaara's dome, penetrationg it.

"…**Chidori**."Koyuki finished.

"Gaara's absolute defense has been…" said a shocked Kankuro.

"It can't be…" said Temari.

"Impossible…" said Baki in disbelief.

"Impressive." said KazeOro.

"That's Kakashi's…" said Sarutobi.

"How cool." said Mizukage.

"**Chidori**. Or better known as **Raikiri**." said Gai.

"Raikiri?" asked Sakura.

"That's just a nickname Kakashi earned when he once cut through lightning with that technique." said Gai.

"_Cut through lightning?" _thought Sakura.

"_Yeah right."_ thought Ino.

"_How cool._" thought the rest of the Genin.

"So fox, you remember the plan." muttered Naruto.

"Unlike you, I'm not an idiot." muttered Kyuubi.

"I always wonder why everyone calls me an idiot."

"Maybe because you are one and that it's in the title."

"The true name is **Chidori **and it's known for the stabbing speed that pushes the limit of the human body and the chakra formed in the arm. That arm becomes like a blade that can cut through anything." said Kakashi.

"But it's truly a ridiculous technique." said Gai.

"That's coming from someone who taught the lotus to Lee right?" said Gai.

Their conversation is cut short as a blood curdling scream filled the air.

"BLOOD! MY BLOOD!" screamed Gaara.

"No way…" said Kankuro.

"He made Gaara bleed." said Temari.

Sasuke pulled out his arm as another arm lunged out to grab Sasuke before falling back.

"Damn it. Did he transform to his complete state?" said Kankuro.

"I don't know. All I know is that he's wounded." said Temari.

"Damn, he's acting on his own." said Baki.

"I don't like this. Last time I saw him in…that, I couldn't eat for days." said a scared Kankuro.

The dome surrounding Gaara crumbles. (just toss in whatever happens)

Speed things up a bit…

"Whoa, feathers?" Naruto was falling asleep.

"**You idiot! Goukakyu no Jutsu!"** Kyuubi breathes fire on Naruto.

"Fuck that's hot!" yells Naruto.

And as you can tell the destruction of Konoha commences.

* * *

A/N: I'm done for now. Review and later cowboys. 

**Jutsu List:**

**Suiton: Teppodama (Water Release: Gunshot)**

**Futon: Renkudan (Wind Release: Drilling Air Bullet)**

**Reido no Kasumi (Absolute Zero Mist) - Blue Abyss' ability to lower the current temperature. It can range from portable AC to freezing hell hole to absolute zero**

**Henge no Jutsu (Transformation Technique)**

**Katon: Ensho no Jutus (Fire Release: Heat Wave Technique) - Simply raises the temperature **

**Shimobashira (Ice Needles) – Unlike the name says the ice is more like chunks. Anyways Blue Abyss can shoot them out and it's brand of ice can freeze and burn upon contact**

**Gravity Sphere – Shadow Fox can surround itself in a sphere of intense gravity. While it may be short-lived the intense gravity can do damage**

**Suiton: Fusen Surripu (Water Release: Slip and Slide) – One can spit out water that slippery as hell, effectively making them slide everywhere**

**Rasengan (Spiraling Sphere)**

**Suiton: Daibakufu no Jutsu (Water Release: Great Waterfall Technique)**

**Futon: Marunoko Rasengan (Wind Release: Buzzsaw Rasengan) – Using his ability to create shapes with nature. While the technique isn't as powerful as a certain technique it has the capability to cut through things with ease **

**Kitsune Youjutsu: Kitsune-bi (Kitsune Magic: Fox Fire) – See Chapter 2**

**Suiton: Mizu Yaiba (Water Release: Water Blades) – Create blades of water to shoot at the target**

**Futon: Tatsumaki Kanmon (Wind Release: Tornado Barrier) – Naruto spins around fast enough to create a tornado that redirects low-mid level techniques. Doubles as a cannon.**

**Suiton: Kaname Kenketsusen (Water Release: Defense Geyser) – See Chapter 11**

**Kawarimi no Jutsu (Replacement Technique)**

**Kage Bunshin no Jutsu (Shadow Clone Technique)**

**Dragon Buster – A combination of Buster Drive and Swallow Drive**

**Suiton: Izumi no Kanketsusen (Water Release: Fountain of Geysers) – Essentially a fountain of geysers shoot out of the ground**

**Suiton: Mizuame Nabare (Water Release: Syrup Capture Field)**

**Suiton: Uminomokuzu (Water Release: Watery Grave) – See Chapter 12**

**Katon: Karyuu Endan (Fire Release: Fire Dragon Flame Missile**

**Rasengentsuki (Spiral Scooter) – Think of the Air Scooter used by Aang in _Avatar_**

**Suiton: Suiryudan no Jutsu (Water Release: Water Dragon Blast Technique)**

**Futon: Kazeryudan no Jutsu (Wind Release: Wind Dragon Blast Technique) – See Chapter 1**

**Mizu Bunshin no Jutsu (Water Clone Technique)**

**Bakyu Rasengan (Vacuum Rasengan) – A second function of the Bakyu is that it can suck up other techniques and fuse it with itself. However the stronger the technique the more unstable it is  
**

**Suiton: Naruto no Yaiba (Water Release: Maelstrom Blade) – A powerful technique where Nami creates a water blade with the power of a raging maelstrom. It unknown what it really can do**

**Suna Bunshin (Sand Clone)**

**Suna Shuriken (Sand Shuriken)**

**Suna no Tate (Shield of Sand)**

**Chidori (One Thousand Birds)**

**Raikiri (Lightning Edge)**

**Katon: Goukakyuu no Jutsu (Fire Release: Great Fireball Technique)**


	15. Naruto v Arashi

At a (previously) undisclosed location and a mob turned tribal humans…

Naruto: Hey, where's Azrael?

Nemuri: Appeasing the Gods outside. Koyuki's with him.

Naruto: Why Koyuki-neechan?

Nemuri: Ask Kakashi.

In front of the altar…

Koyuki: WHOSE IDEA WAS IT FOR ME TO BE A SACRIFICIAL VIRGIN!

"Tribe": You are one. As stated by the gods.

Azrael: I'VE ALREADY BEEN FED TO THE MOB ALREADY! WHY AM I A SACRIFICIAL LAMB AGAIN!

Back up…

Kakashi: (whistling)

Naruto: You still haven't forgiven them?

Kakashi: Damn right. Almost lost a jackhammer to them. Anyways say the Author's Note.

Naruto: Fine.

**A/N: I AM SO SORRY FOR THE…um…9 month delay! I just lost interest for a while and plus my usual distractions. And if that isn't enough I'll feed you guys more sacrificial lambs (pointing towards Minato and Konan).**

**Anyways I have no clue when I will have the next chapter done so be patient. As for the story Arashi will still be called Arashi but does not mean he will not be referred to as Minato. Don't worry since I have something plan for the Kazamas and Idiot in a later chapter.**

**On another note I am working on another new story but unfortunately I seriously have no clue how to write it out. It should be interesting with what I'm trying to do.**

**So enjoy!**

**Update : The only thing changed is that it's more Naruto-focused...alright I got lazy and got rid of some stuff.  
**

Naruto: There, you happy?

Koyuki and Azrael: NO!

Both threw out Kakashi and Naruto to the mob and became new sacrificial lambs. Girlish screaming and tribal chanting occurred.

Koyuki: I'm not happy.

Azrael: Who wouldn't with those two as the sacrificial lambs.

The mob climbs up a ladder and drags both "lambs" down, unsatisfied with their current "lambs". More screaming and tribal chanting occurs.

Nemuri: ZZZ.

Satsuki: And in all this they avoided Nemuri while she sleeps soundly.

Disclaimer: (copy & paste usual crap)

Legend

"…normal…"

"…_thoughts…"_

"…**Kyuubi, Jagan Naruto, Inner Voices talks/Jutsu**…"

"…_**Kyuubi thinks**__…"_

* * *

**Chapter 15: Naruto v. Arashi (And Some Other Stuff)**

As fate would have it a random ANBU performed the **Nehan Shouja no Jutsu **to make feathers fall in the stadium.

"Whoa feathers. Damn, I'm sleepy." Naruto yawned.

"**YOU IDIOT! GOUKAYU NO JUTSU!" **yelled Kyuubi.

"EYAH! THAT'S FUCKING HOT!" yelled Naruto.

"**IDIOT! DO WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSE TO DO!" **Kyuubi throws him in the direction of Orochimaru and Sarutobi.

"I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS FURBALL!"

"**UNLIKELY! I STILL HAVE A FULL ARSENAL OF HENTAI WAITING TO SHOVE IN YOUR HEAD!" **

Ignoring that Naruto flies towards the direction of said place before landing on his feet and jumping towards there.

"_Damn, I'm gotta be faster. I know!" _

"I'msorryShadowFoxbutIgottoditchyoufornowTHANK YOU!" said Naruto at a fast rate while dropping his sword at a random spot, causing a sizable crater where it landed.

"YOU GODDAMN TRAITOR! YOU'LL FACE MY WRATH LATER YOU GODDAMN MORON!" 'said' Shadow Fox.

Meanwhile…

"Finally it's our turn." said Kidomaru.

"I got too much stress to vent because of that damn formation we have to keep up." said Sakon, stretching his arm.

"Shut up. Both of you are sticking up the place." scoffed Tayuya.

"Cut it off. We're teammates." said Jirobo.

"Fuck off lardass."

"Knock it off you four and do your damn job."

"Right Orochimaru-sama."

As they start to put up the barrier Naruto manages to get to their location. Dropping his coat he manages to get inside before they put up the **Shishi Enjin. **By an inch he manages to avoid getting burned badly and crash lands a few meters from both Orochi and Sarutobi.

"Damn, I nearly saw Purgatory again." Naruto breathes for dear life while putting his hand over his chest.

"So the Kyuubi-gaki is here as well." Orochimaru hissed.

"Shut your mouth. I'll kill you right now, even if I have to die in the process as I have done numerous times before."

"What are you talking about Naruto?" asked Sarutobi.

"Later, for now I want to bash this goddamn Fruitcake's face in."

"Oh? I like to see you try."

"I will. **Futon: Renkudan**." Naruto starts by shooting a compressed air ball straight at Orochimaru. Orochi dodges.

"Is this all you got?" Orochi grinned evilly.

"No way. **Katon: Karyu Endan**." Naruto shoots out a superheated flame dragon. Sandaime turns part of the roof into mud with **Doton: Doryu Taiga **and used the mud to form **Doton: Doryudan**. The mud balls combined with the flame dragon and ignited in front of Orochi's face, severely burning his pale face. "Bulls-eye."

"Nice try you two." Orochi peeled off his face to reveal a more freaky female face.

"You didn't."

"Yes sensei. I finally completed my immortality jutsu. And with this I will learn every jutsu there is."

"Good god. You're more of a freak than before. Hell you're MORE UGLY AND FRUITY THAN BEFORE!" Naruto laughed. Sarutobi let out a chuckle.

"HEY! I'D LOOK LESS UGLY BUT KABUTO REFUSES TO LOOK AT ME WITHOUT YELLING 'NOOOOO!'" yelled Orochimaru with a protruding vein popping out of his head.

"_The fox must've done something bad to his butch to make him cry out like that." _thought Naruto.

At this moment Kabuto is going through reconstructive surgery, Nineteen Eighty-Four style brainwashing, subliminal messaging, and watching the Naruto version of Oprah for no apparent reason. Despite the efforts Kabuto still sees Orogeimaru as a woman.

"I think it's time we started this fight my old student." Sarutobi tore off his robes to reveal full battle armor.

"So you planned your funeral ahead of time. Heh heh, to think I'm able to fight you again Sarutobi-sensei." Orochimaru tears off the Kazekage robes to get into his fruity outfit.

"Since I have to ditch Shadow Fox considering he refuses to stay in the scroll I'll have to drag my other buddy out." Naruto took out his scroll and summoned out a longsword (no difference to a regular longsword except the words etched on the blade in kanji: Scorch our enemies, scorch the battlefield. That is all it matters.) "Say hello to my other buddy Fuhen Homura (Eternal Flame)."

"Hn, what is it this time idiot." 'said' Fuhen.

"Look in front of you." said Naruto.

"So it's the snake bastard. Where's Shadow?"

"I had to leave him. He was slowing me down."

"Oh how I pity the fool. By fool I mean you fool. Just hope he lets you off easy."

"I wish."

"Interesting sword. Too bad it won't help you here." Orochimaru hissed.

"**Shuriken Kage Bunshin no Jutsu**!" Sarutobi threw a few shurikens and did a few hand seals to multiply them by 50.

"Sorry Sensei but you're too slow. **Kuchiyose: Edo Tensei**!" Orochimaru formed some hand seals. Then a wooden coffin arose from the ground with the kanji for one, blocking the shurikens.

"Oh no." Sarutobi eyes widened.

Then another coffin arose with the kanji for two. Sarutobi tries to stop the last one from rising but to no avail as the third and final coffin rose with the kanji for four. At the same time the lids creaked open to reveal the Shodaime Hokage, Nidaime Hokage, and none other than the Yondaime Hokage: Kazama Arashi.

"It's been a while monkey." said Nidaime.

"It is you…you gotten old Sarutobi." said Shodaime.

"Under normal circumstance I would've been glad to see you two. But not like this." said Sarutobi.

"It's been a while Naruto-kun. I've seen your match. I have to say it was very nice. Me and my teammates also got a kick on what you did to Ero-sensei." said Arashi.

"**HA! That's revenge for the time you used me as a meat shield from when you spied on Hyohime-chan!" **yelled Inner Arashi.

"Wow…I'm actually seeing the Yondaime Hokage. I never thought I (re)live the day I get to meet him. I mean…" Naruto starts talking at a really fast rate comparable to gibberish.

"Calm down. I'm only your cousin. I swear you're like Obasan when you talk like that." Arashi said, referring to Naruto's mom when she's excited.

"If you don't mind I like to start this fight." Orochimaru said, holding up three kunai.

"No matter how much the world changes the fighting will never end." said Shodaime.

"Prepare yourself Monkey because I doubt we're going easy on you." warned Nidaime.

"Making tools out of the dead. Nothing good will come out of it." said Sarutobi.

"Brace yourself Naruto-kun. They don't call me Konoha's Yellow Flash for nothing." warned Arashi.

"And they didn't call me Konoha's Shadow Fox for nothing either." grinned a battle ready Naruto which confused the combatants momentarily.

Orochimaru just shrugged it off and placed a kunai in the back of each resurrected Hokage. "Since you're my slaves you'll do my bidding." Orochimaru then performed some hand seals to give them a less zombified look. "I have only one order. Kill them."

Sandaime starts off by charging headfirst and when he got close enough he unleashed **Katon: Karyu Endan**. Unfortunately Nidaime counters with **Suiton: Suijinheki **to extinguish the flames. Meanwhile Naruto is trying to dodge the attacks of Arashi. He got a first glance when he launched a burst of fire at Arashi. From behind he launched a **Rasengan **aimed towards Naruto. Naruto jumps up, narrowly avoiding the sphere.

"Crap, he's fast. Hell, he's faster than me!" said Naruto.

Arashi tries for another **Rasengan **but Naruto counters with his **Rasengan**. The force of both techniques collided with each other canceling each other out. Arashi disappears again to reappear in front of him to shoot a **Renkudan**. Naruto blocks with his blade to lessen the attack but he's still hurting.

"Damn that hurt."

"Like you're one to talk." said Fuhen.

"**Futon: Daiteikiatsu no Jutsu**." Arashi launched a massive blast of wind similar to the** Daibakufu**. Naruto manage to counter with Fuhen's ability to manipulate flames by surrounding it with a tornado of fire. Then with one thrust he launched a flame version of Arashi's technique. Naruto had the upper hand because of wind's weakness to fire. It connected with Arashi but it hardly affected him, besides all it really did is scorch him.

Naruto then follows it by getting in close and kicking him in the air and furthers it by sending him farther up with shadow clones. Then more shadow clones come from above and kicks him down. The real Naruto came from behind him and grabbed him and drove him headfirst into the ground. "**Uzumaki Naruto Rendan: Version…Some Number!**"

Naruto emerged from the smoke unharmed. Arashi though disappeared and reappeared while he threw his trademark three-pronged kunai at Naruto's feet.

"A three-pronged kunai…HOLY HELL!" Before Naruto can get away Arashi used his signature **Hiraishin no Jutsu** to appear right in front of Naruto and went ahead to stab him. Naruto manage to swerve but he took a hit to his left shoulder. Ignoring the pain for now Naruto took the chance to cut off Arashi's right arm and jump away. "So that's the** Hiraishin no Jutsu**. At least I manage to get his arm." Unfortunately Naruto forgot that as a zombie, or at least this kind of zombie, they can regenerate wounds.

"Fool, he's a zombie and unfortunately he's not the type of zombie that automatically defeated with incineration." said Fuhen.

"Some use you are…OW!" Naruto yelled when the handle of Fuhen glowed red and burned him.

"Stupid."

Arashi then started to use **Hiraishin **more frequently, causing Naruto to focus on dodging, leaving him unable to attack for the moment. Combining with the **Rasengan** he manages to graze Naruto's side. Even though it barely touches him Naruto felt a bit of pain from it and bruised that area. That moment though gave Naruto a chance to use the opposite of the 

**Shinkuu Rasengan** called the **Joseki Rasengan**, immediately launching him from the spot giving him a chance to get away.

"**Kafuton: Tatsumaki Homura**! **Futon: Tatsumaki Arashi**!**"**

Naruto casts his tornado of fire to keep him in place. He follows by locking him in a different tornado. Within the tornado blades surround zombie Arashi and tears him apart. When the tornado subsides Arashi is nothing more than a mutilated mess with his head, reinforced, full of scars. However Arashi pulled himself together and regenerated.

"Didn't I tell you fool? He can regenerate." said Fuhen.

"I know! I was hoping that would work!" yelled Naruto

"You have another plan?"

"Chakra weights: KAI!" Naruto released the weights on his arms and legs, giving him more flexibility, speed, and movement. "It's not much but at least it helps dodge the **Hiraishin**." Naruto takes the offensive by closing in on Arashi while charging up a **Rasengan**. Arashi dodges and goes for a **Rasengan **but Naruto counters with an **Odama Rasengan** that blasts through his sphere. Arashi backed out before it can hit him. "Damn, I got to find a way to beat him." Unfortunately the real fight begins when Arashi formed hand seals and opened up his **Kahengan**. In appearance his eyes glows green and curves surround the pupils. Almost robotically his eyes focused on Naruto. Then in one fleeting moment Arashi reappeared in front of Naruto without **Hiraishin** and punched him hard. Naruto coughed up a bit of blood and spit before Arashi kicked him hard, causing him to spin, and continue with the beat down.

Sandaime wasn't faring any better when he has to face his former student armed with the Kusanagi and two of the greatest Hokage in Konoha's history. The Monkey King Enma gave him a slight edge but because of Sandaime's advance age it still wasn't enough.

"I told you Sarutobi, you should have killed that snake when you had the chance!" growled Enma..

"I know but still…" said Sarutobi reluctantly.

"I swear all you humans are too soft for your own good."

"Fu fu fu. How does it feel Sensei to be old and withered, beyond the prime you were once before." mocked Orochimaru.

"Even if I become dust in the process I will never give up." said Sarutobi.

"Oh, and why is that?"

"Because, as long as the village stands I will do whatever it takes protect it with whatever life I have!"

In that moment though Naruto slammed in front of them from a kick from Arashi and flew in the air. Arashi then reappears in front of Naruto and goes for another kick. He dodges but Arashi immediately punches him down, causing Naruto to slam into the ground again. Arashi immediately placed both knees at his back while holding his head and gave him a double knee backbreaker. Naruto cries out in pain while Arashi falls back.

"Son of a…I swear I really miss the fox sometimes. At least she can heal me." Naruto groaned. At that moment Kyuubi sneezed, momentarily forgetting what she's supposed to do while burning ninjas with **Fox Fire**.

"Fool. Just be glad he didn't break me yet."

"So what do you suggest?"

"You're asking me? His head's reinforce so we can't dig out the kunai. And since he's a zombie he can't exactly die."

"So we lost."

"No fool, just survive until we can think of something."

"Oh and how do you expect me to think while he has that FREAKING KAHENGAN ON?!**"**

"What's the hell is the Kahengan."

"The Kazama clan bloodline. The abilities vary by Kazama by Kazama…"

"Tell me later. Do you have it or not?"

"No. I have no clue how to unlock it."

"You still have those **Gravity Seals **on?"

"At half capacity (right now it's at one and a half times Earth gravity)."

"Can you use 'it'?"

"I used up quite a bit of my chakra in the Third Exam so there's no way I can use 'it'."

"See you in Hell."

"SAY WHAT?" Yondaime resumed his assault with Naruto remaining on the evasive defense. _"Crap, what can I do? I doubt I can open a gate to do a Drive technique, I highly doubt I can do a __**UN, Rasenshuriken, Bakuha **__or __**Kitsune Rasengan**__ won't do much since fire-based techniques are useless. I don't have time to form a __**Buzzsaw Rasengan**__ and that head of his hard as hell so I can't dig out that kunai_. Crap, I got nothing left. What am I gonna do now?" Naruto said, feeling as though he has nothing left to win and hopeless. That moment though Naruto felt a stinging sensation around his eyes before a brief surge of chakra. "What the hell. Why has everything gone slower…is this the **Kahengan**? Only one way to find out, **Kahengan**!" Naruto eyes turned dark red (darker than Sharingan) with Mangekyo-like lines surround it. With a new surge of confidence Naruto feels as though he can stand up to Arashi.

"**Nice try Naruto-kun." **said a voice followed by a distinct laugh. Naruto's body glows the familiar purple along with the deep beating of his heart. The beats repeat for a while before he holds his head down. This time around though three claw-like stripes appear on his cheeks and runic markings appear on his arms. **"Pathetic Naruto-kun. I'll show you how to REALLY FIGHT!"** His eyes open up and while the purple remain the white of his eyes become black with corruption. The eyes remain narrow but now he has a crazed smile on his face. Jagan Naruto let out a deranged laugh and just charged headfirst towards Arashi. Arashi threw a barrage of shuriken at Jagan Naruto and they all connected but in this state Jagan ignores all wounds. Jagan Naruto just laughs it off as he kicked away Arashi. **"Since you don't have that bitch within you I have no choice but to use your own abilities. Though I never thought that you can do this." **Jagan Naruto let off a crazed smile while holding out his hand. Then black chakra cackled around his right arm while his hand formed a black and red sphere. Fully powered up it looks like the **Rasengan** but its red and surrounded by a vicious black aura that cackles with electricity. Arashi in the meantime **Hiraishin** in front of Jagan Naruto and prepared to stab him. But before he can do that Jagan Naruto beat him to it and slammed the sphere into him. As it connects Arashi gets torn apart and eventually part of his head opens up and releases the kunai. Arashi smiled, even though he knew Naruto wasn't himself and prepared for the worst when Jagan Naruto released the sphere. **"Juryokudan!**" With hellacious force Arashi (or what's left of him for that matter) is shot in the opposite direction, over the other combatants, and straight into the barrier and burned up. Jagan Naruto waste no time as he madly rushed over to where the other combatants are.

He sees that Sarutobi is trying a certain technique but before he can do anything Jagan Naruto rushes in and sets his eyes on Orochimaru. The other Hokages intervenes but Jagan Naruto laughs.

"**Pathetic!" **Grabbing their heads Jagan Naruto's hand glowed blackened red. **"Katon: Brutal Implosion!" **As the name says Jagan Naruto concentrated chakra into the heads of the Hokage and literally imploded the inside of their heads. Jagan Naruto could care less as

"**Who am I? Can you tell? I'M NARUTO YOU FREAK!" **Jagan Naruto let out a crazy laugh and grabbed the arms of Orochimaru. **"I don't like using the same technique too many times in arrow so I'll do this instead." **Jagan Naruto grabbed the left arm of Orochi and places his foot on his elbow. Then he forced the left elbow to bend backwards while putting force on it. A real sickening crunch can be heard. Orochimaru screamed as he felt his whole elbow (and arm for that matter) is separated into two.

"Naruto, what are you doing?" Sarutobi said. Jagan Naruto ignored him.

"**You're pathetic you know that Naruto? If you wanted to kill this Fruit you should've…"**

"_Shut up."_ echoed Naruto. Jagan Naruto froze as the real Naruto keeps echoing_ "Get the hell out."_ Jagan Naruto began to scream and flail around.

"**Dammit brat! Stop resisting and let me kill this bastard!"** Jagan Naruto screamed.

"You wish. I won't give you the satisfaction of killing the bastard for me." Naruto said, trying to regain control of at least one of his arms.

"**What the hell are you trying to do you damn idiot! Let me kill you dumbass!" **Jagan Naruto flailed around, trying to regain control. The real Naruto manages to gain control of his right arm. Jagan Naruto tries to prevent him from trying to no avail.

"I said: GET THE FUCKING HELL OUT OF MY HEAD YOU GODDAMN BASTARD!" Jagan Naruto let out one final scream before Naruto punched himself, with the right arm, with enough force to suppress the Jagan as well as launch himself a few feet; though with restraints off he knocked himself out.

"D-damn it…everyone the plan ends here!

Later on…

"Sandaime-sama, are you alright?" said an ANBU.

"Yes, but right now check on Naruto over there." said Sandaime before falling asleep.

The Jonins went over to where Naruto was. What they found though raised a few eyebrows.

"This is interesting." said Kakashi.

"Yeah, the whole female population will be disappointed." said Asuma.

"No kidding." said the female ninjas, minus the trio and Haku.

As for Naruto…well…

* * *

**A/N: If it's not to my standards well sorry about that. I'll explain more about Jagan in later chapters and also explain the other half (Kyuubi's side). So later cowboys.**

**Jutsu List:**

**Nehan Shouja no Jutsu (Temple of Nirvana Technique)**

**Katon: Goukakyu no Jutsu (Fire Release: Great Fireball Technique)**

**Shishi Enjin (Four Violet Flames Battle Encampment)**

**Futon: Renkudan (Wind Release: Drilling Air Bullet)**

**Katon: Karyu Endan (Fire Release: Fire Dragon Flame Bullet)**

**Doton: Doryu Taiga (Earth Release: Earth Flow River)**

**Doton: Doryudan (Earth Release: Earth Dragon Bullet)**

**Shuriken Kage Bunshin no Jutsu (Shuriken Shadow Clone Technique)**

**Kuchiyose: Edo Tensei (Impure World Resurrection)**

**Suiton: Suijinheki (Water Release: Water Encampment Wall)**

**Rasengan (Spiraling Sphere)**

**Futon: Daiteikiatsu no Jutsu – A massive blast of wind similar in terms of appearance to the Daibakufu except the facts that it's composed of wind and will tear apart anything it comes into contact with.**

**Suiton: Daibakufu no Jutsu (Water Release: Great Waterfall Technique)**

**Uzumaki Naruto Rendan: Version…Some Number – Essentially the same technique**

**Hiraishin no Jutsu (Flying Thunder God Technique)**

**Joseki Rasengan (Expelling Rasengan) – The direct opposite of the Shinkuu Rasengan. Mainly used to expel enemies away from you.**

**Shinkuu Rasengan (Vacuum Rasengan) – Same thing as Bakyu Rasengan. Just a different name.**

**Kafuton: Tatsumaki Homura (Fire Wind Release: Tornado Flame) – See chapter 1**

**Futon: Tatsumaki Arashi (Wind Release: Tornado Storm) – Surround a group of enemies within a tornado that tears apart whatever's contained within it. The outside of the tornado will do the same in close range.**

**Odama Rasengan (Great Ball Rasengan)**

**Kahengan (Variable Eye) – See chapter 8 (I think)**

**Arashi's Kahengan – His increases his speed substantially as well as a good **

**boost in other areas. Not shown is his increased sealing ability.**

**Naruto's Kahengan – Not shown as much but has the apparent ability to slow things down.**

**Kitsune Youjutsu: Kitsune-bi ****(Kitsune Magic: Fox Fire) – See chapter 2**

**Uzumaki Naruto Rasengan (Whirlpool Maelstrom Rasengan) – See chapter 1**

**Rasenshuriken**

**Bakuha Rasengan (Explosion Rasengan) – Forgot which chapter**

**Kitsune Rasengan – No clue yet**

**Futon: Marunoko Rasengan (Wind Release: Buzzsaw Rasengan) – See chapter 14**

**Juryokudan (Gravity Bullet) – Naruto forms a Rasengan and takes it further by combining the concepts of both the Shinkuu Rasengan and Joseki Rasengan together. Once it fully forms whatever comes in contact with gets sucked in as they get torn apart. Then the Joseki kicks in as said target gets shot in the opposite direction with more force than the Joseki. However as powerful the technique is it's still incomplete and has a side-effect of breaking his arm.**

**Katon: Brutal Implosion – As the name says Jagan Naruto can implode whatever he feels like touching. In a sense it blows up whatever is inside and turns it into mush.**


	16. The Real Chapter 16: Kyuubi's Part

Azrael: (LOST HEAVEN with ATM-EM7)

Naruto: About time.

Azrael: Shut up, rewriting is slow.

Naruto: Whatever.

Jin: Exactly.

Naruto: Who the hell are you.

Azrael: The thing.

Naruto: Yeah yeah.

--

A/N: Okay the rewriting is going way slow due to usual excuses. On the bright side here's the real chapter 16. Now then from this point on I'm not bolding Kyuubi's dialogue, I'll just bold the inner voices and Jagan. As for pairings I'm pretty much going with Naruto/Haku & Kyuubi but I always come up with crazy ideas so don't be surprised if somehow I pair him up with Nami or someone really unconventional. Don't worry, I'm sticking with Haku and Kyuubi; the ideas I came up with are just ideas that I might use for a different harem and hentai…okay I gotta stop playing eroge for a while and back to Persona.

A/A/N: Anything similar to 15 in this chapter is what I originally had for here. In the meantime I lazily took out stuff in 15 for consistency so it's not worth looking back if you already read it until further notice.

--

Azrael: There.

Naruto: Out of curiosity, why aren't you sacrificing Sasuke-teme?

Azrael: They don't want him.

Naruto: So who is it this time?

The tribe outside were mauled by a teacher.

Disclaimer: Put it this way, I wouldn't make Naruto Sasuke-centric if I owned it. Hell I make Killer Bee kick his ass.

Legend

"…normal…"

_"…thoughts…"_

"…** Inner Voices/Jagan talks/Jutsu**…"

* * *

**(Real) Chapter 16: Kyuubi's Part in All This**

A repeated ending of Chapter 14 and opening of Chapter 15…

As fate would have it a random ANBU performed the **Nehan Shouja no Jutsu **to make feathers fall in the stadium.

"Whoa feathers. Damn, I'm sleepy." Naruto yawned.

"YOU IDIOT!** GOUKAKYU NO JUTSU!" **yelled Kyuubi.

"EYAH! THAT'S FUCKING HOT!" yelled Naruto.

"IDIOT! DO WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSE TO DO!"Kyuubi throws him in the direction of Orochimaru and Sarutobi.

"I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS FURBALL!"

"UNLIKELY! I STILL HAVE A FULL ARSENAL OF HENTAI WAITING TO SHOVE IN YOUR HEAD!"

While she watched Naruto rushed off to Orochimaru she took out a Sound-nin with a single kick.

"Better switch dress. Right and Left nearly fell out." She performed a few seal and changed into different clothes. Basically it consists of a red haltertop with red pants. While it does cover her up more modestly it still emphasizes her curves. Other stuff included are bracelets, anklets, and a few hair clips. "A little restricting but it does keep me from losing my clothes. Okay time for a warm-up." She then proceeded to beat up another Sound-nin as warm-up.

Meanwhile…

"Okay, whose idea was it to drag me along?" complained Shikamaru.

"Kakashi-sensei and me! Now stop complaining already!" growled Sakura.

"And whose idea for me to come along?" complained Sanji.

"Me and Mizukage-sama now shut up already!" growled Shiori.

"Seriously though why did you come?" said Sakura.

"We found our Mizukage locked up in the closet and told us to go with you. Not that we have a choice in the matter." said Shiori.

"Couldn't you let me sleep?" complained the lazy-asses.

"NO!" said both of the annoyed Genin. Shiori added, "And especially you Sanji! If it wasn't for me you'd be groping Nami by now!"

"I'm not touching her. She's considered orange on my terror alert status."

"Why because she tried shoving Blue Abyss up your ass?"

"That and the only way to grope her is to be you."

"I'M NOT GAY! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU BEFORE IT GETS THROUGH YOUR SKULL!"

"Could've fooled me, I seen what you wrote in…" Sanji was cut off as he was impaled through a tree.

"Seriously, why are you here?" said Shikamaru.

"One is to keep this perverted dope from killing himself...AGAIN. Another is our kage ordered us. It's too bad Nami can't come with us. She would kill herself to miss this."

"That's not a problem." said Pakkun.

"Why's that?"

"I've encountered the type that this Nami is about plenty of times and she'll have more enjoyment in the middle of the chaos."

--

Meanwhile…

"**Shimobashira**!" Nami shot the oversized chunks of ice at Sound and Sand-nin, either impaling or crippling them.

"Nice technique." said Haku as she sat behind Nami on top of an ice block.

"Obviously. Can you top that?"

"Of course." Forming hand seals Haku spat out water at four different nin, froze them into pillars of ice and, "**Hyoton: Hyosentou**." With the frozen spires she manipulated them to crash into each other and knocking them out.

Nami whistled. "Woo, very nice. But the lack of killing intent threw it off."

"I don't like killing. And besides its way better than that **Naruto no Yaiba **you tried doing."

"First off there's way more to it than you assume it to be. And second, if you want to fight do it after this whole invasion." Before Haku can respond a huge quake shook up the place. "What the hell is that?"

"Satsuki, Naruto's older sister. She's a little…crazy." Haku sighed.

--

At the epicenter of said quake….

"What the hell just happened?" commented a Sand-nin.

"Why are you asking me?" said a Sound-nin.

Within the dust cloud are three figures in a pose.

"To fight for justice." said a sleepy voice.

"To fight for truth." said an annoyed voice.

"To fight because we're bored like hell!" said an excited voice.

"We are defenders of the weak."

"We are the enemies of evil."

"We fight just for the thrill of it!"

"Kanzaki Nemuri, Konoha's Sleeping Beast."

"Fuyutsuki Koyuki, Konoha's Devil Paradise."

"Kazama Satsuki, Konoha's Meteor Strike!"

"To our enemies."

"To our comrades."

"To whoever is listening!"

"We are The Konoha Sentai Trio!" yelled out all three. A long pause before…

"Satsuki, we're not twelve anymore! Why do we have to pull off the cheesy poses crap?!" yelled out Koyuki.

"It's fun and it's not often we pull off the cheesy poses crap." cheerfully said Satsuki.

"But seriously, not even a trio of nine year olds does this anymore!"

"It's still fun!"

"It's still embarrassing…damn do I need a smoke."

"I thought you quit."

"Not quit. I'm like Freud, I can get onto something and kick the addiction like (snaps finger) that."

"That's not even possible."

"There is no such thing as addiction to me."

"Wish I could say the same for Naruto. He eats ramen like no millennia."

"You eat barbecue like no millennia."

"If you two don't mind…WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING HERE!!" Nemuri yelled as she sent an enemy-nin backwards with one punch.

"Get those bitches!" yelled one of them. All three so-called Jonin took offense and…

"**Majin Rakuen**." Koyuki traps them in a powerful genjutsu by placing them in a paradise of their own. While in it she performs the corresponding ninjutsu to inflict them a load of status ailments.

"Get that black-haired…" Before a Sound-nin could give out orders…

"I take offense to bitch idiot. **Byakurai**." Satsuki seriously pointed her index finger at the nin calmly. Immediately she shot a powerful lightning blast from her fingertips and pierced through the shoulder and taking out those behind him.

"Wh-what?"

"Seriously Satsuki, can't you go into battle without being so…prominent." sighed Nemuri as she swung her fist under a Sand-nin, sending him flying upwards.

"You're one to talk." commented Koyuki.

--

"Can we try an ambush?" asked Sakura.

"Not a chance." said Shikamaru.

"Why?"

"An ambush can only work if two things are met…" Sanji cut him off.

"First is that the ones fleeing cannot be heard and find the enemy first."

"And second…" Sanji cut him off again.

"Second is that we need a good vantage point to catch them off guard as well as land some critical hits in the midst of the confusion."

"Only when…"

"When both conditions are met the ambush tactics becomes plausible to use."

"Can I finish my sentence?" annoyingly said Shikamaru.

"Go ahead."

"We got the first covered with Pakkun's nose. But even with the second condition the plan won't work when they're subordinates of someone from Konoha."

"I'm guessing that since they're hunters; hunters with extensive knowledge of the surrounding terrain. Thus while an ambush is possible there's too many undecided factors involved." said Sanji.

"They have ninja well prepared for the operation. We have a kunoichi with no notable abilities (Sakura glared), a homo-curious bookworm (Shiori glared), a useless lazy bum (Sanji shrugged it off), a dog (vein popping), and the number one guy at running away."

"So I'm guessing a diversion disguised as an ambush?"

"Yeah, a decoy. One stays behind while the others flee."

"A little archaic but still effective."

"Okay Sanji, how in hell can you say all that and yet being dubbed a lazy idiot at the same time?" asked Shiori.

"Don't really care. Unless I'm into it I'm just a laid-back rock."

"Anyways, I'll stay behind. Among us I can delay them with the highest survival probability. And **Kagemane**'s originally a delay technique."

"Alright." The Genin and one pug went ahead of Shikamaru.

"Gee, never thought I can find myself in this situation. Want to say too troublesome but it's too troublesome to say." sighed Shikamaru.

--

Anyways to speed things up Sanji stayed back to take on Kankuro…

"I don't feel like protecting stuff right now. But I'm itching for a fight." Sanji said with a devilish smile on his face.

"What does that mean?" said Kankuro.

"It means I'm feeling the urge to fight." smiled Sanji.

…and Shiori to take on Temari…

"This will be an arduous fight." commented Shiori in her battle pose.

"Indeed but it will be an enjoyable one." commented Temari.

"I hear that."

So anyways Sanji gone brutality on Kankuro and Shiori and Temari ended in a deadlock. We'll jump ahead to Kyuubi's arrival.

"Yo, need help?" yelled out a voice. Everyone turned to see good ol' nonchalant Kyuubi in their direction with her hands behind her back.

"Kyoko-san, why are you here?"

"Ask that dumbass blond."

"You mean Naruto? How come you don't call him by his name?"

"The kit and I have this interesting relationship where while we remain "friends" we never acknowledge each other by our names. That's how we are."

"You mean he never called you Kyoko once?"

"The Kit prefers Fox or Furball. I prefer Idiot and Dumbass."

"Gee, you're like two guys who enjoy insulting each other." commented Sakura.

"Call me a guy again and I show the guy version of the **Harem Jutsu.**" annoyingly said Kyuubi.

"No, it's just that…"

"I don't feel any malice coming from you. Yeah that Yamanaka kid said that too."

"But that's not what…"

"First off I don't need a lot of power when going human mode and too much and I'll start feeling overloaded. That's what the seals are for. Second I'm not exactly 100 percent human. And third…" Kyuubi said. She then cheerfully put up her thumbs. "I have opposable thumbs baby!" She then laughed.

"Ugh, they're just thumbs." commented Sakura.

"Thumbs are awesome. Without them how else am I gonna play games without controllers?"

"Okay, explain why you are not full human."

"Easy, sea turtles."

"Sea turtles? But that's…" Sasuke's question was answered with Kyuubi's answer for anything relating to inconsistencies, plot-holes, etc.

Shukaku Gaara couldn't stand being ignored so it lunged its claw at Kyuubi. She just scoffs at it and knocks it away effortlessly.

"What?"

"You know full well Shukkie that I can kick your ass without using a tail of my power." She then grabbed Shukaku Gaara's arm and pulled him towards her. As soon as she got him in range she gave him a hard kick under his chin and have him flying. She then pulled him down and gave him another hard kick to his gut and really sent him flying.

"Sugoi." commented Sakura.

"Damn, Kyoko-neechan is more than hot. She's awesome." drooled Sanji who just appeared.

"Please, Nami can do more." Shiori said, not in the least bit interested in "Kyoko".

"We really need to send you to a shrink. I think they can shrink that unhealthy obsession with Nami."

"We should send you instead and shrink that stupid head of yours. And I'm not gay!" Shiori proceeded to grind Sanji's head with her fists.

"That doesn't work you know." Sanji said unfazed.

"Damn hard head." commented Shiori whose hands are red and steaming.

Kyuubi in the meantime is fending off a steaming Gaara playfully. "Miss me! Miss me! You got worse Shukkie, not that it matters since you're always so weak."

"DIE ALREADY!" growled Shukaku Gaara as he tries for a double claw lunge. Kyuubi leaps over it and performs some hand seals.

"**Suiton: Funryu no Jutsu."** Kyuubi shot out a jet of water at Gaara's arms, separating them from the biceps. "What's the point of using fire if it turns to glass? Unlike that dumbass I'm smart enough to know that you use the glass as sharp projectiles."

"GRR…" Gaara growled as he begins to get angry.

"If you want to try and kill me transform into your full Shukkie form. Otherwise I'll end it quick you pathetic, limp-dicked, shell of a demon lord we unfortunately call Ichibi no Shukaku. SO TRANSFORM ASS LICKER!" said and yelled Kyuubi.

Shukaku Gaara did start to transform but not in the full Shukaku Kyuubi hoped to get a thrill off of. Instead Shukaku Gaara went mini-Shukaku. "I don't need my full power! **SUNA SHURIKEN!**" Gaara shot out the compressed balls of sand at Kyuubi at fast speeds. Kyuubi simply dodged them like nothing. When one did hit her in the head she shrugged it off as if it was a snowball.

"You serious? I dodged wrenches that were harder than that!" Kyuubi mocked. She then counters with **Suiton: Teppodama **against the sand shots and disintegrates then. "Seriously maggot, FIGHT ALREADY!"

"Uh Kyoko-san…um is it wise to rile him up like that."

"Damn right, that check-ditching-son-of-a-dumbass will never emerge unless I start pissing off the medium. Then again I don't have time to keep playing around like this to bring out that son-of-an-onion out so…**Kitsune Youjutsu: Hoshi Bakuha**!" Kyuubi shot out a blast of compressed fox fire at Gaara and blew it up in his face, causing a contained explosion that took off a chunk of his right side. "Hope this will bring out the bastard."

Shukaku Gaara surprisingly stood his ground, though his right side drips with sand. "I…will…not…give…up!" growled Shukaku Gaara.

"If that the case then I may have to borrow something from the kit." Kyuubi charged head on and collided her foot with Shukaku Gaara and sent him flying. In a blur she delivered a furious combination of punches and kicks to his mid-section followed by a swift kick that sent him upwards. Using a tree she jumped up and delivered a downward dropkick to said section. Before she can jump off and perform the finisher Shukaku Gaara decided that he will not lose and transformed into the full Shukaku.

"Well well if it isn't Kyuubi no Mesunokitsune (bitch fox). Last I heard of you got tricked by that idiot Sanbi and trapped into an idiot." cackled Shukaku.

"Last I heard of you got drunk and sealed in a stupid tea kettle dumbass. Before that you got the crap beat out of you by women that you peeped at. Beat that dumbass." smirked Kyuubi.

"Err…"

"Figures. Anyways another thing…PAY ME BACK YOU GODDAMN IDIOT!"

"Pay what?!"

"THOSE DAMN BILLS YOU RAN OUT ON AND MADE ME PAY FOR!"

"That wasn't my bills!" Shukaku defended. Kyuubi counters with a shot version of **Hoshi Bakuha**.

"THOSE ARE DEFINITELY YOUR FAULT! EVEN HACHI WOULD AGREE AND HE'S A DAMN PRICK!"

"**Futon: Renkudan**." Shukaku shot a compressed ball of air straight towards Kyuubi. Kyuubi counters with **Suiton: Daiteppodama** and shot a gigantic compressed water bullet at it. The force of the two techniques created a massive collision/makeshift typhoon.

"Idiot."

"It's like a typhoon." commented Sasuke.

"You wish Body Dragger. If you wanted a typhoon I'd do **Suifuton: Typhoon: Quick Version**."

"**Sabaku Tsurugi**!" Shukaku resorted to shooting blades of sands that Kyuubi dodges. However from her back pocket a scroll fell out. Before she can pick it up one of the blades sliced it to shreds. The scroll in particular contains some high quality liquor she was saving and seeing her hard work obtaining it go down the drain did not sit well for her.

"I wasn't gonna try this but YOU'RE PISSING ME OFF LIMP DICK!" Pissed Kyuubi took off one of her bangles on her arm. As soon as she took it off enormous amounts of power began to emanate from Kyuubi as it reacts with the surrounding, notably the leaves began to burst mid-air. When the burst of energy subsided Kyuubi stood with a dangerous red aura surrounding her along with an even more dangerous look on her face. She growled and started a vicious attack on Shukaku. Shukaku shot a **Renkudan **at her but Kyuubi charged straight through it and collided with the air bullet.

"Hehehe. How's th…" Shukaku's line was cut off when Kyuubi came into contact and delivered a brutal attack…or going Qiao on his ass. However due to lack of inspiration the following attacks will be censored with images of…damn extensive vocabulary won't help me pick pleasant scene so use your imagination to think of how Kyuubi's assault went. Anyways the Genin hid behind trees to cover their fear of the power-rush Kyuubi. When Kyuubi assault ended Shukaku was a battered mess of sand, though surprisingly Gaara survived unscathed, and claw marks. Kyuubi stood menacingly in front of Shukaku.

"Now then Shukkie, let me get something straight. I will allow an extension on your damn money you owe me with interest and in return you must stop what you were currently doing and let the poor kid sleep for once."

"Why?"

"It's less work for the kit and I wanted to give him a break for that hell of a jutsu I put him through."

"And what if I don't."

"You know what I can do and I so plan on going Qiao on your ass." Kyuubi made a scary face that all men and even women are scared off.

"P-please don't. I don't wanna…"

"Good. Now then Shukkie…" Kyuubi decided not to spare him any more pain and instead cause more massive pain without killing Shukaku.

--

Back on the other battlefield at Konoha two unlisted Jonin and one listed crazy one were about to show the enemy their…er…for a lack of better words…strong-as-hell techs.

"**FULL IMPACT**!" Nemuri finished an air strike with a high-powered leg stomp that sent the Sound-nin straight into the ground. The force of the impact though killed him with the bone breaking and organ bursting. Surrounding enemies are flown backwards due to the surrounding shockwave the technique caused, immediately knocking them out for a while. Nemuri's muscles however have more mass than usual.

"Damn, gotta rest for a while." Nemuri did a few hand seals and immediately chakra mist emanated from her. Her muscle mass reduced to her usual size. She immediately took her nap.

Elsewhere in two spots…

"Nemuri used **Impact **huh?" commented Koyuki.

"She must be pissed to use **Impact** to that degree." commented Satsuki.

"Ah well...we can go crazy as well." Koyuki smiled. "**Katon: Muramasa Homura**!" Koyuki went overboard and brought out demonic flames that shot out of the ground, scorching those who come in contact with it. When the flames subsided all there's left is piles of black ash. The surrounding ground wasn't scorched due to **Muramasa** being non-physical flames.

"**Raiton: Raiken no Jutsu**!" Satsuki summons a powerful blade of lightning that strikes the ground. Within the shock radius the enemy nin is shocked with numerous volts of electricity until they body gives out and immediately they die.

--

"Woo, got that thick-headed dumbass to get my point across." smiled Kyuubi as she puts back on her bangle. Shukaku is nothing more than a sandcastle (literarily) and Gaara is still surprisingly unharmed.

"Remind me to never piss you off." commented the Genin.

"Why? This is nothing compared to what I do to the kit, what with me shoving hentai in his skull."

Kyuubi was about take a break when she suddenly sensed a massive power surge from said kit's direction. She immediately sighed.

"Goddamn it Kit, can't you control freaking Jagan by now?" said Kyuubi. She immediately darted towards Naruto.

"Damn, for a second there I thought she wasn't wearing any panties." Sanji said. He immediately got punched by Sakura, smacked in the face with Temari's fan, and impaled once gain through a tree by Shiori, this time really knocking him out (loose teeth too).

"Damn perv." muttered Sakura and Temari.

"Anything to say lazy ass?" said Shiori.

Sanji remained silent.

"Good answer." said all three.

* * *

A/N: And there you go. Next chapter are the aftermath and the answer to whatever happened to Naruto. For my answer to how the Wave duo's fight gone out my answer will be sea turtles. Anyways review and later cowboys…

**Jutsu List:**

**Nehan Shouja no Jutsu (Temple of Nirvana Technique)**

**Katon: Goukakyu no Jutsu (Fire Release: Grand Fireball Technique)**

**Shimobashira (Ice Needles) – see Chapter 14**

**Hyoton: Hyosentou (Ice Release: Ice Spire) - Haku freezes water into ice spires and collides them towards the enemy, slamming them. Can be used to freeze people in the same capacity.**

**Naruto no Yaiba (Maelstrom Sword) – see chapter 14**

**Majin Rakuen (Devil Paradise) – Koyuki unique genjutsu casts the victim(s) into a faux paradise of their own while she bombards them with terrible status ailments**

**Byakurai (White Lightning) – Shoot a concentrated bolt of lightning from the index finger. A favorite technique of another female character.**

**Kagemane no Jutsu (Shadow Imitation Technique)**

**Suiton: Funryu no Jutsu (Water Release: Jet of Water Technique) – Shoot jets of water from the hands**

**Suiton: Teppodama (Water Release: Gunshot)**

**Kitsune Youjutsu: Hoshi Bakuha (Kitsune Magic: Star Explosion) – Kyuubi compresses fox fire into a ball that explodes on contact with an object**

**Futon: Renkudan (Wind Release: Drilling Air Bullet)**

**Suiton: Daiteppodama (Water Release: Great Gunshot) – Essentially a bigger and stronger Teppodama **

**Suifuton: Typhoon (Water and Wind Release: Typhoon) – Kyuubi creates a typhoon over the area. The Quick Version makes it more fun for her as the typhoon is occurring faster. She would like to combine it with ragtime warfare**

**Sabaku Tsurugi (Sand Blade) – Shukaku shoot compressed blades of sand that cuts whatever in its path**

**Impact: The variation of the Drive Nemuri uses more hard-hitting finishers that increases her muscle mass. However she cannot use it too long or it'll cause extensive damage to her muscular system.**

**Full Impact: Nemuri deals a powerful stomp from above.**

**Katon: Muramasa Homura – Koyuki summons out demonic flames that incinerates enemies. Due to the flame's nature it does not affect the physical environment**

**Raiton: Raiken no Jutsu (Lightningt Release: Thunder Blade Technique) – Summon a blade composed of thunder from the sky that collides with the ground. From there it shocks whatever is within a 20 feet radius from the blade.**


	17. Unfortunate AN

A/N: Unfortunately my damn buddy/laptop being a damn jerk and through unforseen circumstances unfortunately I lost my work (and my other stuff...Gundam 00...) that includes rewritten chapters and the next chapter (Naruko's 13 and D&R's 17). So until I start everything back to square one and have the gall to back up my work no new updates for a real long time...even for my irregular schedule. Sorry for the inconvenience...


End file.
